Winning

What is it about testosterone and winning? I live in a houseful of guys with my daughter. Ok, I should reword that........I have four sons and a husband. One son has moved off to college, so there are now only four guys in the house.
But, I kid you not, everything in our house is some kind of competition. "I'll bet I can.......before you." "How many pushups can you do?" "How much do you weigh?" The men in my home can make any activity a competition.
And, if it doesn't lend itself to competition, then you start an argument so that you can compete that way. That car was cool. No, that car is the lamest car ever. You don't know anything..........
On and on it goes.
It is wearying to this estrogen person. And to my daughter. Not that I don't like to win a game. Or at sports. It's just that I can't begin to understand how EVERYTHING can be turned into a competition.
It's all about the feeling of winning. Winning means respect. Men crave respect. I get that. It just seems so tiring.
But, the thing is.........well, can I really admit this? I think women, you know, we girls, are harder to understand. My boys fight it out. They are done. Life is good.
But the females. Oh my. We try to keep the world level. And, in case you are unaware, it is not. We try to keep relationships together. We talk about all of the issues that pertain to relationships..........especially feelings.
I think that we are much more strange to the guys than they are to us. We are very complex. It would be easy if what I did was about winning. But it's not. It's much more subtle. Much more hidden.
Women and men are different. I know. Shock. Comes as a huge surprise, doesn't it? But really, sometimes I think that we forget. We expect the other to respond as we would.
This morning my husband asked if I was coming to watch the pre Super Bowl game that he plays in at church. It's cold out. I am going shopping. And perhaps to coffee. I said probably not.
He said, "but it'll be so much fun." And I said, "yes, and then you can come and watch me have a pedicure." "Oh, not so fun." "Precisely."
He loves to be active. Loves sports........doing, not so much watching. Loves chores. Loves a work list. It's the winning feeling. It gives him the high that I get when I've communicated.
I'd rather not be out in the cold throwing around a ball. And pushing my friends. But I appreciate what these things do for him. They feed a need. It is how he is wired.
My boys too. From very young they begin to want the respect of being the winner. It's not easy to be the small boy in a houseful of guys. Because they don't let you win. You always lose. I guess it builds character?
Differences are good. Healthy. Unless we try to make the other gender behave like our gender. It just doesn't work. Don't get me wrong. Lots of women play sports. Lots of guys cook and design. But the basic internal drive is different. We women want love. The men want respect. Just how it is. Do they like that we love them? Sure. But, even the boys, really crave to be shown respect. Haven't you ever noticed that early on the boys start with, "look at me, mom, look what i am doing........?" My girl, not so much.
But it's important to recognize that there are differences. As the old saying goes, "a man will play at love to get sex and a woman will play at sex to get love."
I want respect. But not in the same way. I crave love and security. And when I feel that way now, I try to remember that that's how my men feel about respect. And I look for ways to affirm them.
Celebrate being different. Enjoy it. Embrace it.
And get away now and then with the girls to embrace your sanity.
blessings,
rhonda