To Have and To Hold

Oh my gosh. Sorry, I am already laughing. Sometimes, the most serious things in life make me laugh the hardest.
I remember being engaged. It was a lovely, blur of a three months. Much like the previous three months where I had met and begun to date my betrothed. Life was on full speed ahead.
I had the bridal magazines. I spent hours planning and dreaming and making fun decisions about what colors and what flowers and what flavor of cake. I can't really say that I felt as stressed as some seem to. I chose the invitations without much grief. Actually, that is the one thing we did together. I wasn't overly concerned about which tuxes we got. Just classy. Not powder blue or anything........it was the nineties, after all. I had already lived through the eighties.
We had a wedding of around 4oo. It was huge. And we had food. And a photographer who worked at the paper with John and our wedding gift was all of the rolls of film to do with as we pleased. Wow. My brother in law video taped.
Funny, when I saw that videotape, I see myself talking to people that I didn't even remember were there. Really, that time of life is kind of a blur.
We had the traditional ceremony. Promised to love honor and whatever else they say. hahahhahaa. "I do." "I do." Reception. Signing of license. Out to eat with all visiting friends and family.
And the next day, on to moving 900 miles away. And then to Vail. And then, finally, back to our own, new place. Whirlwind. Falling in love, planning a wedding, quitting jobs, moving, getting married, and going on a honeymoon in less than six months. From the date we met until the date we married it is about 51/2 months.
About a week after we were married and things had settled down, I suddenly stopped. And, honestly, I panicked. Oh, my gosh. To have and to hold from this day forward until death do we part. Uh oh. I had no experience. I had never even lived with a family for more than three years. I had precious few role models. It had been my fantasy. My dream. My hope. But, now that I was here, how was I going to follow through?
And neither of us had jobs. And then, I got one first. Yeah, who knew that that could be a problem. And we are very different people. Oh yes, you could have told me that? Well, where in the world were you???
And I was married and going to have my needs met and be taken care of. Ah. Sweet. And, very wrong.
One person cannot ever meet another persons needs completely. It's good in romantic comedies. It's fun in novels. It's just not true. And, you can still have a good relationship. No problem. You can be fulfilled.
But my goal after these 20 years has been to let young people know that marriage is rewarding. It is a good thing. I don't regret it. I love my kids. I love my husband. I like my life.
But the life you have Before Marriage,( you know, B.M.? haahahaha , sorry, just couldn't help it.) is valuable too.
Don't get so busy wanting to be married, fantasizing about it's wonders, imagining and dreaming, that you miss the NOW of your life. Enjoy learning. Making decisions. Following dreams. Getting to know people. Getting to know you. Don't be so afraid of aloneness that you rush through the NOW.
And, those of you who are A.M.(after marriage), either by death, divorce or otherwise, don't miss out on your life now. Don't try to fill the places with another guy. Don't forget to dream. And plan. And enjoy. Look for new hobbies, skills, joys. Sit on the beach. Read a book. Work hard. It's not easy.
But you know, neither is being married. The more people you have to take into consideration, the more complex life becomes. Oh, it's also full of joys and wonders. But don't always think that the grass is greener somewhere or somehow else.
And if you find yourself married, enjoy it immensely. It's your NOW. It will not be a fairy tale. Sorry, those are only in books and movies. They are what fantasy is made of. In real life, you have to roll up your shirt sleeves and make the hard decisions. You have to decide who you will be. And let your spouse decide who he will be. And your kids, who they will be.
It's hard to hold onto wherever we are. Married, widowed, divorced, single. It doesn't matter really. It all comes down to who we are and what direction we are going to travel. Keeping relationships healthy. Giving encouragement. Saying the hard stuff. Taking a stand in the world. Being loving.
Each person is still responsible for who he/she is. No excuses. Because God says He is your provider. He says that He is the One that makes you stand. He says that nothing is too difficult for Him. No marriage on earth will ever fill you up. It is good. But it is not what makes you whole.
Each person has to be whole with Jesus first. Then, the two wholes can come together and be helpmates. Not co-dependent but free. Finding the beauty in commitment and lifelong companionship. But ya know, frankly, sometimes it aint so pretty.
Sometimes you'll barely be holding on no matter where or how you find yourself. Never you fear. There is One that is holding onto you.
He wants to have you and He wants to hold you forever.
Be at peace.
blessings,
rhonda