Once upon a time, a long time ago, a very very long time ago, I thought that I was all grown up. I was eighteen years old and heading off to college. It felt good. I had been waiting a long time to be grown up. I was an adult. I could vote. I could decide for myself. It didn't take me long to figure out that there were things that I didn't yet know. I didn't know how to rent a house. Or how to fix the toilet. I didn't know how to set up the electric, and when I got sick, I had to figure out how to get admitted into the hospital and how to pay for it.
But, I made it into my twenties and I knew that I had finally grown up. I had a good job. I had graduated from a good university with a rather decent g.p.a. I had good friends. Spiritually I was well veresed in the Bible, went to church every Sunday and had a daily quiet time. I was glad that I had finally grown up. I was even thankful to those people from the past who had contributed to my getting to where I was.
Fast forward to now.........my forties. And I know for certain that I have never grown up. I have no idea how to be mom of the year. I don't know what it takes to be the perfect wife. I used to think I knew what those things looked like. I certainly don't know how to be a good friend, it's just as confusing as it was when I was in elementary school and the fear of rejection is even more scary.
We think we'll be grown up. Have the answers. Kids are confused. Kids make mistakes. Kids question. Kids are afraid. Kids fail. But we are grown ups. But finally I've seen that there is no grown up......there is only growing. If we don't want to stagnate, we have to still question and grapple with the big questions. We have to make mistakes because we are trying new things. We have to fail if we go for something that is spectacular. We still get confused because so many times good things end up bad and the bad things turn out to be good..........a blessing even. Life becomes not less confusing, but more. How to be a friend in the crises of life is absolutely scary. How to be a wife through the growing pains of life and through the many years requires continual change and learning.
Growing and learning. Not achieving and arriving. We don't really ever grow up. No matter how long we live........we are just growing. Not getting there. Ever. That means that each day is exciting. A chance to be and do more. A chance to fail. And it's ok to fail. It's ok to mess up. It's ok to say you are sorry. And it's ok to be wildly successful. It's ok to not settle for anything.
That's the bottom line, most of us think that growing up means settling. Settling in. Settling for the same old stuff. But really, that's just something we've made up. We were created for so much more. To live. To learn. To grow. Until the very last breath.
Take some chances. Take a walk. Learn something new. Treat yourself like you would your kids......like life is a challenge. Each day is wonderful if you are full of wonder.
blessings,
rhonda
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