I have a scary hope for my kids. I hope that they graduate from high school and do well enough to go on to college or a trade school. I hope that they have dreams and pursue them. I hope that they take those college years to learn who they are and what kind of people they want to be. I hope they invest time in learning about others. It's a scary hope because it's my dream for them. It may not be what they want nor what they do. They might drop out and become the best employee Western Disposal has. Or they might get married very young. They might get pregnant and have to be responsible for another. There are so many things that are really not in my control.
But I am allowed to hope. Even if it scares me that I'll be really disappointed if they make different life choices. What I have to figure out is how to hope for them and with them and still make them know that there is no choice that they will ever make that will make them any less mine. While I hope and dream, I need to tap into their dreams too. I need to give them the space to have their own visions.
My dreams for my kids are purposefully kind of vague. What I want for them is experiences that will grow them as people before they commit to their own family. I want them to find out how to do relationships well before they walk down the aisle. Ha. Nobody is ever really ready. Nobody will ever really know how to do marriage well until they are in that place. But still, I have the hope that they will have life experiences that will be their own. Dreams that are their own. Not mine. Not their dads. Not their spouses. Their very own.
That's a hard thing to do as a mama. Dream for them and believe in them to be the very best they can ever be.......and yet let them go and live their own dreams and be even more proud of them than if they had lived out my dream for them. Did you get all of that? I have to learn to be most proud of them finding their own dreams. Their own goals. Once they get there, my job is nearing completion. It means they are walking in a direction. Making choices.
It's important for kids to get to that point. The point where they are making plans and dreams of their own. Too many kids get caught up in someone else's dreams; parents, best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend. And while those dreams aren't necessarily bad or wrong, they are only helpful if the kid himself really wants it.
I think that my kids were created with purpose. Were created to be and do certain things that really rock their boat. I mean, they can do lots of things, but there are some things that will actually make them on fire. I want to see them each find that. And let me tell you, that's a challenge because all of our kids are as different from one another as you can possibly imagine.
My dream is that they will dream. Dream big or small or whatever. And that I will have the wherewithal to stand with them in their dream and support them. I don't mean if they are drug dealers or something illegal. But I mean respecting what is in their minds and hearts. What's the worst that can happen? They might fail. Oh well. Their failing doesn't scare me. It scares me that I need to be the kind of mom that they feel like they can tell that they failed. That they can mess up big and it can be ok.
I see a lot of kids afraid to try something big. I wonder why. I mean, "you're young, you have your whole life to figure it out." But I think I'm beginning to understand. The thing is this. No matter what kids look like on the outside. No matter how popular or how unpopular. No matter their style or lack of style. Every kid is wanting to please someone. Deep down inside every kid wants someone to think that they are de bomb. But most of them don't. Even the really good kids. It's like we adults always keep that standard just a little out of reach so that they are always just trying to tiptoe around in life trying not to fail. They spend all of their time trying to impress those teachers and coaches and parents.......needing so desperately to be affirmed. What if we affirmed who they are? Affirmed their dreams? Told them that we believe in them and their choices. Know that they will make mistakes and that's ok. This generation hides in self. They behave as if the only thing that matters is what they think and what they think is right for them. But watch more closely. Watch how they stand a little taller, smirk a little less, smile a little more........when you simply let them know that you are glad that they are.
I knwo a kid that wants to be a piercing artist. And he would be good at it. Now, I don't really like all of the piercings. They seem painful and uncomfortable. But hey, I know this: he studies and works at learning all about the body (biology/anatomy) to figure out how to be the best. He learns about math by symmetry. And art..balance. If he chooses this profession, then I want him to be the best one possible. I think he can be, too. He is amazing. But the thing is.......I don't think that he knows he's amazing. I think that adults have made him feel as if he has to fight the world instead of enjoy the world.
What if instead of imposing my dreams on the kids in my life, what if I simply learned and listened to theirs? What if I let them know that I really believe that they can learn and do most anything? What if I gave them the freedom to fail. I mean to really fall flat. And to get up and try again.......without me telling them how badly they already failed.
I do tell my kids that I want to see them fail at some goals. If you never fail, you are playing it way too safe. You aren't trying anything challenging. You are staying with the status quo.
I've been talking about kids. Now, I'm talking about you. What are you doing with your hopes and dreams? Are you too afraid to fail? Why? Do you STILL hear those voices from when you were younger? If you do, then you realize what a huge responsibility it is to be an adult in a kids' life. Give hope. Give encouragement. They will do some stupid stuff, but far and away, when given the freedom to grow, most people soar. They do great and wonderful things.
blessings,
rhonda
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