Do any of you go hiking? Or camping? Or driving over Trail Ridge Road? Do any of you remember the outhouses that are actually dug into the ground, not metal receptacles that are moved from place to place? I remember. I remember how my daughter at age 3 waited two days to go potty. No way was she using the big black hole. And I remember vividly the wonderful outhouse up close to the top of Trail Ridge Road. We were foster parents and were taking the kids over the pass. Well, one had an emergency. And, of course, no bathrooms, no trees........young boy waiting as patiently as possible. We came around the curve and saw that outhouse and it was the most beautiful site. You know the kind, painted dark brown. One seater. The kids all tumbled out and Michael ran for the bathroom. He came out and threw up. Apparently it was full to the top. Really gross. All of the boys had to go and see. And comment. That outhouse went from blessing to curse in all of two minutes.
Relationships are a lot like outhouses. They are necessary. They are useful. They are really a blessing when you need them. And they can get all filled up with stuff that makes them not useful at all. Just like an outhouse, a relationship needs to be kept cleaned out. That means talking stuff out. Getting out the shovel and heave hoing the bad stuff that makes it stinky. It means not letting things build up.
Some people used to just move their outhouse when it got "full". Some people treat relationships that way. When one relationship gets too full of garbage,(i know it's not garbage, but I wasn't sure if I should say poop.) the person just moves on to another relationship......until it gets full and then moves again......and again.....and again.........for a lifetime. Can you imagine your property if you did that with outhouses? If they were never cleaned out. Never emptied. Just keep building another one. EW. Imagine the smell you would live with all of the time. Relationships begin to stink when they are left untended too. And though people can continually go to new relationships, all that happens is that by the end of life they have a bunch of stinky relationships instead of some good, healthy, cleaned out relationships.
I don't know anyone who wants to clean out an outhouse. But I know that there are people who do. They put on special boots and masks and have equipment to get rid of the sludge. I gag just thinking about it. I do not think I could lower my body into an outhouse. Gross. But it's nearly as hard to face bad things in a relationship. Especially if we let it go too long. The longer it goes, the more impossible the task seems. I mean, there comes a point where a shovel isn't going to help. You can't possibly lower yourself in or you will drown.
All of that said, in relationships, it's easier to take care of the stinky things one at a time. Keep it clean and fresh all of the time. It's also nicer for the people around you. It's just part of living in community to have to learn to deal with the sewage. Everyone has it. Every relationship has problems. Every human being has flaws. Putting two or more of them together means getting an abundance of difficulties. But if they are taken care of. If they are talked through. If there is respect. If there is grace. If there is love. Then, the relationship is a place that is not only useful to the people in the relationship, but to others who come across it. I mean, I really wished that someone had kept that outhouse on Trail Ridge clean. It would have been a blessing to our family. And if we keep our relationships cleaned out and talked out and loving and not hiding the stinky stuff, then we can be a blessing. If we don't, others feel like they have entered the cess pool when they are in our presence.
I don't know of anyone who wants to live like that. I think we are just fooled that the deep hole will cover everything forever. But it's not true. Things that stink don't go away just because they aren't visible. It takes work to make them go away. Relationships require work. And the work isn't just about spending quality time together......though that seems to be what all of the marriage counselors write about now. It also requires facing the hard places where you do not agree and may never agree. It requires growing on both parties parts. It requires more than just a cursory effort, it requires a lifetime of maintenance. But if you ever find anyone who will have this kind of relationship with you, then you have a friend for life. They will know your dirt and you will know theirs and it will be ok.
So, the moral is, clean the outhouse often so that it is not too overwhelming. Because there comes a time when it's impossible to get it done. There comes a time where it's just not worth it. The danger outweighs the benefit. I mean, who wants to die drowning in the doo doo?
And on that note, I'll leave it to you. Start today. With kids. With family. With friends. With people you hope will be good friends.
blessings,
rhonda
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