If it Doesn't Kill You It'll Make You Stronger

Nope, I have never thought it should be true either. "If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger." I mean, it's kind of like wishing that ice cream would not go straight to my belly. I don't want it to be true. I want life to be smooth. I want life to be easy. I want for my family and friends to be treated fairly and kindly and not to face hardship. I want for those I love to have joy and peace and happiness.
But, the fact is that life does not roll that way. If you are living, you will face heartache. You will face pain. You will encounter great loss. Oh, how I long to shield the people I care about from such things. I would rather take any of those than have them have to carry those hurts. But I can't. I cannot because it's impossible to completely walk in another person's shoes. I wish that I could keep my kids from every hurt. But now and then, I have moments of clarity. I have moments where I realize that living and growing requires learning to deal with hardship.
And while I can't shield, I can walk with. I can cry with. I can listen. I can pray. I can bring smiles. I can speak hope. I can just show up. I can encourage. I can just sit for hours and wait. I can't make the pain pass. I can't guarantee a good result. I can just help make sure that the agony does not kill them and truly does make them stronger. I can point to the future.
And, I can still live in joy. Gloom does not have to take over every aspect of life.
But, oh my, when the kid is hurting, when someone has been mean.........oooh, it's all I can do to not take it all on and try to make all right in the world. Or my husband. Or my friends. But to take it on means denying them the satisfaction of survival. It means believing that I can do it better than they can. And really, the fact is that I can't walk their lives. I can only empathize and walk with them. They have to write their own stories and make their own decisions. And I have to uphold them as they do so. I don't have to make everything right. I don't have to make the problem go away. I have to make sure that they know that they have everything it takes to make it through......they need to know that they are able to be brave, able to be strong, able to stand. And you know, they are. Every last one of the people I know and love have everything they need to be a great success. Failure will be a part of the walk. That's fine. Hurt will be too. And while that doesn't feel fine, I know from my own life that hurt has made me learn and grow and helped me to become the person that I am. So I need to allow them the experience.......not be a shield but a force that walks with them. The voice in their head that says I know that they can make it. That I trust them. That they are smart.
As a mom, it's easy to want to make myself indispensable. Easy to want to be necessary to put out the fires and calm the storms. But it turns out that that is pride. And my pride can actually keep those I love from experiencing life and learning and growing. So, I have to allow them to make their own mistakes, make their own decisions and then just be here to love and care. It's my biggest job in these years. My kids are good. My friends are smart. My husband is more than able. I will help them along. I will walk with them. I will accept who they are and what they decide. But I will not stand between them and living their own lives. I can't. It would be taking away the greatest thing in the world.......truly living. Good and bad. Pain and joy.
Maybe you struggle with this too. Don't despair. It's natural for women to want to make everything ok. Do yourself a favor and trust those you love to the One who made them. They'll do just fine. Not without worries, but they'll make it through.
blessings,
rhonda