Under Construction

The roads near my house are under construction. No kidding, no matter which way I go to head into town, I hit road construction, one lane, delays, big equipment, road closed. I can't even leave my neighborhood using my own street this week. I have to go around the block the wrong direction. But, I forget. And I go the way I always go, and I have to turn around at the "road closed" sign, feeling like an idiot.
My life is much like that right now. It seems like much of it is under construction. It's a waiting to be finished time. I can see how good it's going to be when it's all done, but just like the road work, there are a lot of inconveniences.
Things like depression. Not clinical. Just the blues. Wanting to find that perfect job. Wanting to contribute. Wanting to feel like I am being productive.
And my health. I keep praying for better, but it's in a holding pattern. So, I wait on that too.
And Joe went to college. And some days, I still look around for him. And cry when I realize how foolish that is.:) Very happy for him, just another place that is under construction.
And finances. Gosh, closing a business isn't cheap. Nor college. Nor nose surgery when your nose gets broken. It all adds up fast. And, see above, I am unemployed.:)
And friends. I am not doing that so well. Don't get me wrong, my friends would never tell you that. I have the good sense to pick really nice friends. But I am just not as strong as I need to be sometimes. Things have been rocky in some way for almost every friend I have. From kid troubles, marriage troubles, work lay offs, moving.......you name it, we've done it in the last year.
This is not complaining. I am trying to lay out for you very clearly what road blocks might look like in real life. They are sometimes big and sometimes small, but they always require a change. Whether it's taking a different route or simply slowing down, that is the question. But the thing is this: when something is under construction, it is changing. And you have to change and adapt or you get in a bad place. For instance, the other night I left my neighborhood and turned into the far lane. As I travelled, I realized that someone had missed the "real" lane and had driven in the center where the lane used to be....they hit a curb.....airbag....flat tires.....all because they missed the lane.
I do that in life. I get in my rut. I like the same old same old. I want things to be predictable. I like surprises, but not the kind that make me..........gasp..........have to CHANGE!!But when the roads are under construction, I am forced to change my routines. And with my life under construction, I have to do the same. And it's good news. See, I write more now. I should always write, it's who I am. But I had gotten into a different routine and failed to do what helps me most. And I have to figure out new ways to relate and interact. I have to grow. And stretch. And learn. And it's a pain. Just like waiting in the road construction. I hate to wait for the guy to turn the sign.......and it goes from stop to slow. Sigh. I want to GO. I want things to be like the interstate.
But life doesn't work that way. Life is full of things that need work and effort. And yes, change. And some things never change: like people who love me, and a God who loves me, and the fact that life is always worth living. But I must change if I'm going to remain on the road. I must slow down at times and pay attention to where the road is going. I need to see if it's the right way and if it's not, I need to take a turn. I need to make decisions. And then do something about them.
I have to say, I am awesomely blessed in people who care for me. I never walk alone. Oh, sometimes it feels like it. I have to have a pity party now and then. Complete with junk food and balloons. But most of the time, though I have not performed nor deserved, I am surrounded by people who, even in my darkest moments, love me.
Life is full of construction. Get friendly with the workers. Wave and embrace the time to slow down. It beats flipping the finger and speeding off into unknown disaster. So it is in living.
blessings,
rhonda