Why didn't anyone ever tell me how difficult life could be? I thought that I knew about the pains of life having lived through so much childhood pain and the deaths of many whom I have loved. And, those things are painful. But there is a pain that goes much deeper to the heart. It is the pain that is inflicted by those who are supposed to be committed to us, supposed to love us, supposed to be worthy of our trust. This kind of pain traumatizes us to our very core.
We begin to question our worth, our value, our importance. We begin to wonder what our purpose is. We feel like we are free falling and that everything is uncertain. It's like everything is spinning out of control and we aren't sure how to deal with it.
How is it that people whom we love can deceive us? How is it that we can totally allow ourselves to be taken in and that we even begin to make excuses for the one hurting us? I am no counselor. I don't understand it, but in life after life, I've seen it as truth. The victim becomes the protector and the one who is unkind assumes the role of the victim.
And we weep. And we curse. And we question.
But if we are wise, we also surround ourself with truth. With those who love. With those who uplift and encourage. We keep walking. We know when we have to stop and rest.
The best hope for these dark and troubled times are unconditional relationships. The thing is that you don't know when these times will come and these relationships have to be in place before the trauma begins. It's important to nurture good relationships throughout life. Good friends. Good family ties. Healthy relationships that speak truth into our lives even when we don't want to hear it. People who see exactly who we are and choose to walk with us anyway. This is hard. It is risky. But it is the only safeguard for those times that come when you are dropped. When you are ostracized. When you find that most of the world turns away. These kinds of relationships are rare and precious. They can't be bought nor fabricated. Nobody can fake this kind of friendship. It literally is the person that you can call anytime for any reason. And they can call you too. It's give and take. Each sometimes strong, each sometimes needy.
Be aware of the relationships you are cultivating. If they are many but shallow, beware, there will be a time when you need a deeper friend. The one who can "sing back to you the song of your heart when you have forgotten the words."
Sure, it's a risk. Anything worthwhile is possibly painful. I mean, I got married and it was certainly no guarantee........my parents hadn't made it, my grandma had lived through years of unkindness. But, love and commitment were worth the risk.
Together we are stronger. If we realize our weaknesses. If we are honest. If we are vulnerable. If we are truthful. Some people try to make everyone this kind of friend. That doesn't work. Complete disclosure to the entire world is not just risky, it's dangerous and it keeps you from really having something special with people who really want to be your friend. It's not like you conduct interviews or anything, but there are those ah ha moments in life when we realize that a best friend has walked in. And we realize that we are stronger. Braver. More hopeful. More complete. And when the moments of trauma come, we have a strong rope to bind us together and hold us up from falling off of the cliff of despair.
So, take the time to nurture your relationships. I guarantee that all of us will come to a point where the only ones we have are the few. There will come a time for all of us where others turn away. And sometimes, we deserve it. Sometimes, we really screw up. Sometimes, we don't deserve it at all. A real friend doesn't distinguish. They will tell us the truth but walk with us anyway. I wish you such a friend.
blessings,
rhonda
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