Damaged

Today I was thinking how easily we are damaged in life. I have been damaged. Pains. Betrayals. Unkindnesses. Dashed hopes. Failed plans. Mean people. Bad hair days. Fat days. Fighting. Failing. Stumbling. Misunderstandings. Mistakes. Mistrust. So many actions and inactions that cause us to doubt, retreat, hurt and sometimes give up.
And I was then wondering, "when will I be better?" "When will the damage be repaired?" And it struck me. It won't. Ever. The damage is there as permanently as the dent in our van. Once struck, it has never gone away. But the van still runs. Still takes us faithfully from place to place......for nearly 300,000 miles. To beautiful beaches on both coasts. To school. Estate sales. Work. Family reunions. Through the years that van has suffered even more dings and scratches and things that have made it less than pretty. I can't tell you how many kids have thrown up in it. Or spilled milk or juice. We repair it. Maintain it. Drive it. And it does it's job.
I'm just like that old van. I'll never be the same. I'm not supposed to be. When a friend betrays you, it damages you. But the damage doesn't have to keep you from being productive and useful. Just because a friend has completely betrayed you or a spouse has declared you invaluable or a child has rebelled or you simply can't get rid of that last 40 pounds doesn't mean that life ends. It does probably mean that you will never be the same as you were before.
But it's ok to be different. Maybe scars are really beauty marks of sorts. Painfully earned. If you learn how to walk through them. It's not easy. Listen carefully: you cannot pretend it didn't happen. You cannot ignore it. You might have to grieve. You will have to embrace whatever it is as a part of your life. A part of your story. But by learning to grieve, by living through, by continuing to do what you were created to do, your scars become beautiful. They become helpful to others walking the journey.
You know how good it feels to know that others are flawed too.:) It's true. Nobody feels good around the person who seems completely perfect. Every person in the world feels inadequate around someone who seems unscarred. Look closely; unscarred people do not exist. If it does not show, it is somewhere deeper. The thing about life is that it hurts. I am not a pessimist. Actually, I'm pretty optimistic. But the one thing I have absolutely learned and observed is that every person hurts. Gets hurt. Struggles. Is disappointed. Is betrayed. So when it comes to you, what are you going to do with it?
Make it work for you. Let it just become a part of your story. Keep being who you are supposed to be. If you have to step back from some things for a time, just admit it. If you feel weaker or vulnerable, own that too. Yep, I'm damaged. I bet you are too.
I'm gonna be like my old, reliable van. It might not be so pretty, but it is useful and has brought lots of joy to many people. And sometimes it embarrasses me that it's so ugly. So dated. But so what? Why do we worry so much how things look? Like our lives. Are you going to remain useful and joyful or are you going to worry about how to look good in front of everybody and stuff all of your scars deep away where nobody can ever see them? Let me tell you, they won't see your scars but they will see the results. And the results without the story are bad. They don't help anyone else. They don't bring joy. And they aren't pretty.
So, if you see me limping a bit or looking a little battle worn, it's true. But it's ok. It's just a part of my story.
blessings,
rhonda