Patience

There I was, having finally decided what to do with some of my time this morning, out in the garden. Tined implement in my hand. Ready to work. And I began. But, boy, weeds and grass are everywhere. Peeking up, right next to my purtiful flowers. I worked gently but determinedly. This year, I am starting early. I usually wait way too long. A little a day is all I am good for, so I have to make it count.
It was fun to see all of the things in the ground coming up that I hadn't even realized were there yet. Many annuals which are gifts from birthdays past. And the work which put them there. A patio area that I adore. ..... which I am extending this year to include one of my favorite areas around the house to sit on a summer morning.
I don't claim to be a master gardener. But, I am passionate about planting and gardening. I love seeing the surprises too. Every year something comes up that I think, "wow, didn't know that would be here this year."
But, some things die. They just can't handle the climate or my lack of skills or the rather rocky soil. Strangely, I always feel as deep a sense of regret over those things as I do joy over the surprises.
As I worked, I prayed.....that's my norm for praying. I am not very good at simply sitting at a desk or something. I am much more able to pray when sewing or writing or reading, or singing, or gardening or moving soil or walking........I get distracted when I'm just sitting at a desk, but when I've got my hands busy, I am completely "on task". Anyway.......as I was praying this morning, I was simply grateful to a God who makes things new every year. Who takes the time with me to give unexpected blessings. Who enjoys making me smile. I was thankful that He enjoys cultivating and being with me just like I enjoy my garden. And, just like I am with my garden, He has a plan, but it isn't what others think it might be, it's not of what perfect might look like to others' eyes. His plan is to make ME. Delightfully, me. He isn't looking to make me stive to be something else. My garden just lets me work and does it's thing in the shape and with the ingredients I have put in. It would be silly to think that MY garden would turn into a zen garden overnight. Or that I would expect it to. Or a rock garden. Or a desert garden. No way. It's just what it is......eclectic, fun, full of memories and labor, of money and time. I have invested myself into it and I love it.
"Ah, I get it, God." You invested yourself into me and you take pleasure in ME. Not in my trying to perform. Or be good enough. Or thinking that I can ever do enough. Or earn your favor. I don't have to. You already gave everything for ME to be FREE to be who you made me to be. A slave to nothing. No standards. No norms. No societal markers. FREE. To grow and learn and enjoy the learning.
He is a patient God with me. Completely willing to wait the years to see a "flower" on the plant. Completely content to sit with me. To love me. To till. To give. To water. To encourage. He does not grow weary of me. As I do not grow weary of my dear little garden. For all of it's weeds and grass and rocks and menagerie of plants that are mismatched.........I adore it. For I created it.
"I get it, God. You delight in me not because of what I can accomplish but because you made me just like I am."
He delights in me. Today. No matter how or what I am today. Really. No matter. He sees the flowers when all I'm seeing is the weeds. He sees the seeds. He sees the hope.
Delights. Has patience. Encourages. Enjoys. Me.
Wow.
blessings,
rhonda