Sometimes I feel like the mimes that I see street performing in cities. There they are in front of everyone, trying to get through the wall or out of the box. Communicating as best they can without voice. Covered face and hands. Everyone sees and laughs. Funny to see them. Amusing.
But not so much when you feel like the mime. When you are pushing to get out of your box. To be heard. To be seen for who you are without the painted face. It's easy to laugh with everyone. To be jovial. To give smiles to others. But sometimes, when your hand nearly breaks through and you think that you have finally touched a real person, you find it's just part of the show.
It's painful. Reaching out can be grueling. Especially if you are feeling needy. If you are needing words but you can't speak.
It happens a lot. You are not alone. I keep reminding myself too. Nobody's life is perfect. Though they always seem better than our own. ;) Nobody is pain free. Hear my voice, though it is silent like the mime.....hear it with your heart. You are beloved. Even in your aloneness. Even in your loneliness. Even in your box. Or cave. And whether others take the time to hear you or just stop to laugh and be entertained, it doesn't change who you are and how valuable you are. For your worth is not dictated by other's acceptance nor understanding.
And when you don't find the compassion which you are seeking. Just stop and rest. Breathe. Try. Though, I do know, that's hard. Cry. Whatever it takes so that you can get back up on your feet again tomorrow. Because each day brings hope of actually being seen. And heard.
I do know. And, I'm sorry.
blessings,
rhonda
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