When I Don't Understand

Life is not how I would make it. It seems like if you try hard, have kindness and love then things should go well and if you are a real jerk, then things should go badly. That seems fair. It seems just. But the thing is that none of us are altruistic. Some of us look more like it than others, but we all have our own "evilness". Ha, I liked that word. Made me laugh.
But still, it seems like sometimes life is just simply not fair. I know I sound like I'm four, but it's true. I see some people who put in no effort, give nothing back, are completely out for themselves, are terrible parents, and they get the perks. And, conversely, I see people who give everything, work hard, love their kids, and they get nada.
It hurts. It is painful to the spleen. It's like everything is all wrong. And I question. And I worry. And I fret. Ha. Thanks for that word, Deedee. I fret. I want to make it all ok. I want people to have what they need.
But here's the other thing that I have noticed in my older age. This age where I fret less and believe more. Even when seemingly good people lose their jobs, lose their homes, lose their marriages or their savings, they stay good people. They are who they are. And that makes life good. Even in the midst of the ickiness. The unfairness. The in equities. They have their integrity. They have relationships. They have the knowledge that they did right.
Doing right is not looked well upon in our culture. It's more about success. What I'm learning is that sometimes when I do the right thing it doesn't end with more money in my pocket. Sometimes it means that some people are really mean to me. Sometimes I get hurt. But, in this little harbor deep in my soul, I still think, "it was worth it."
Sometimes it's just worth not having good stuff in order to do the right thing. You sleep better. You can look your children in the eye.
And, it makes you look to the One who will provide the stuff you need. I mean, really, have I ever truly gone without what I really need? I have food. I have shelter. I have water. And, I might add, so much more. Peace. Hope. Faithful companions. Joyous memories. I am abundantly rich in what fills me up.
I don't understand how the world really works. But when I don't, I just trust the One who does and keep on walking. Except for when I fall down crying. Then I just wait until He picks me back up and we keep on going.
blessings,
rhonda