Our Own Path

You know, I am amazed at how dumb I used to be. But not as amazed as by the knowledge that I would look just as dumb if my twenty years older self were standing here. Life is all about growing. It's about learning.
It would be nice to learn from others' mistakes. It would be nice to be able to read a manual and figure it all out. I haven't found anyone who has. Oh, I know lots of people who read self help books ad nauseum. But, I find that while they give direction, they do not keep people from making mistakes.
Each of us has to walk our very own path. We can be wise. We can try to do things right. And it helps. Living wisely is to be commended. However, we all have hurts. We all have baggage. We all have warped coping skills. And at some point, those problem parts of ourselves, catch up with us. And we have to figure out what to do.
Some people turn to drugs or alcohol or food. They try to feel the void with chemicals or not caring or yummy chocolate.
Others turn to partying and living in excess. They find release and relief in being surrounded by people who are living hard and distracted by the craziness of the moment.
Some turn to books or music. They find it easier to learn to live vicariously rather than really delving into life.
Still others, do self-destructive things like cutting or being suicidal. They find comfort in the physical pain.
And, lots of people, do many of the above.
Then there are those who hide in religion. I'm not talking about a relationship with the living God, I'm talking about rules, regulations, laws. They find their comfort in the strict structure. They find themselves able to answer life's temptations by saying no to most everything.
Some do cry out to the God of the Universe. They find Him to be full of hope and truth. But the thing that they still find is that they still have to walk the path of their lives. They just don't walk alone.
The point is that we are all faulty and all trying to get along in the world. It can be a pretty painful place. Especially for young people. Especially for people who don't have family and friends around to cheer them on and help them up when they fall down. It can be harsh. It can be easy to give up. To check out. To seek attention in any way it will come.
Speaking from the point of view of a parent, a friend, a spouse, a woman, I see ALL kinds of people hurting. Many of them are young. Many have made their own trouble. Many were neglected or treated unkindly. But, most of them, want to make things right. They want to live. They want to feel normal inside. A few that I have met do not care about healing or learning or growing. They honestly want to live in the lie. That's where they are. You can't convince them to believe otherwise. But for the ones who are seeking. Who see that they have pain and problems, I want to be their advocate.
They might turn to drugs or alternative lifestyles as ways to cope. That doesn't mean that they need your advice or condemnation. They need to SEE and EXPERIENCE that there are people who are healthier who will not look down on them but walk beside them. You might want to throw up your hands and scream, "you are being so stupid!!!" And that can be appropriate. You don't have to lie to people. You know, sometimes I know that I am most loved when I am the biggest pain in the butt and somebody says that to me. But ONLY, did you get the only?, if that same person is able to love on me and let me know that though my moment is nearly intolerable, I am not intolerable. That the action does not define me. That my falling down doesn't mean that they only see my failure.
With kids, especially as parents, we get wrapped up in seeing their failures. We can predict it. I'm not saying that you don't get help for people that you love. I'm saying that there is an attitude. I have to use the word judgement, but it will have to suffice. Judgement is used day to day. But somehow as parents we become judge and jury not only for the incident but for the whole life of the child. We behave as if who they are at 14 or 16 is who they will be.
I do tell my kids that what you practice is what you become. That habits are hard to break. If you make good habits, it makes life easier as you become an adult. It's true. If you are in the habit of rinsing your dishes, it makes dishes easier to clean and when you become an adult then your life will be just a little bit easier.
But not everyone is capable of making the decisions we want them to when we want them to. We have to BE PATIENT. We have to wait until they are ready. We have to respect that they are on their own path of growth and learning. Just as we have to walk ours and hope that people won't ditch us when we are real jerks.
Maybe if we all focused on how we are walking, where we are going, then we would be more likely to walk beside our kids and friends instead of having an attitude of superiority. Of frustration.
Take stock today. You come up short. That's because everyone does. At every age. Nobody has arrived. Each on is in transit. So have compassion. Don't give up. That doesn't mean that you can be there for every person in every circumstance. Sometimes for your own growth, you have to let others handle certain people or certain crises. But maybe inside you can develop a different attitude. One that allows and hopes for and truly believes in growth. And that each of us are doing the best we can.
Grace. Unmerited favor. Mercy. Undeserved pardon. Give them. Lavishly. And don't be afraid to receive them.
You are a combination of genetics, heritage, and culture. You have problems nobody else has. You might feel completely snowed in, rained out, or shaken. But KNOW THIS: you also have gifts, talents and love to share that nobody else has. The world needs you.
Don't give up. Though the path is rocky and painful and you keep falling down. Though you wish people would slow down. Or bring a light. Though it seems like nobody gets it. I promise. This one little thing I've learned. THINGS CHANGE. YOU will change. CIRCUMSTANCES will change.
Life takes courage. But look around you. Others need what you have to offer. Your hug. Your smile. Your ability to make pretty. Your writing. Your cleaning. Your voice. Your perspective. Your ability to make it. (that in itself gives many others a hope of making it themselves.) Your tenaciousness. Your grit. Your wisdom. Your experience. Your technological savvy. Your inventions. Your faith. Your tenderness. Your understanding.
We all grow to maturity on our own path. Our own terms. But we are actually all walking together. Side by side. Different. Different places on the road. Different weather conditions. But we all have to travel. Buddy up. The journey is long, but exciting.
blessings,
rhonda