Believer

I am a true believer.  I am one who absolutely believes that things can come true.  I believe because of who I am.  Who I was created to be.  I believe because of what I have seen in my lifetime.  No desire is too big.  No hope out of reach.  Not if it's REAL.  Not from someone else.  But yours.  In the very depths of your heart.  Because God made us like Him.  With vision.  And, the Bible says that a people without a vision perish.  We are CREATED to hope.  To believe.  To see what isn't yet.  To be creators within our lives.
I believe deeply.  For myself.  For others.  I see the potential when others only see the impossibility.  I am not naive.  Well, on some fronts, maybe....but, I know how hard and how painful and how unlikely things can seem.  But I believe in pushing for what is huge and wonderful and would take a miracle to achieve.  Because......I believe in miracles.  In things that can't be explained away.  That happen when they shouldn't.
I believe that living involves more than simply showing up and falling into a rut.  That's existing.  Living is looking inward and finding that unique piece inside and doing everything in the world to let it shine.  To give that unique piece of yourself to the world.
I am a believer in getting back up.  Some people say things are impossible.  And they are.  If you stay down when you fall.  If you give up when you get hurt.  If you think that a challenge means the end.  If you forget that playing is part of the work.  If you lose sight of how to laugh.
I believe that failure is impossible for people who live fully and full out.  Not because they will achieve all of their goals, but because while pursuing their GOALS, they will totally achieve their PURPOSE.   
I believe that each person has a purpose.  Their very own.  To help.  To grow.  To test.  To love.  To challenge.  Whatever it is, the world is not complete without it.
I believe that too many people are trying to fit into too many other peoples clothes....and they look stupid.  Because they were meant for their own outfits, own style.  They spend an entire lifetime not living their own lives but trying to fit their desires into other peoples plans, goals, desires, hopes.
I believe that YOU have a unique, personal and very important purpose on this earth.  And I believe that you may never even find out what it was.  However, I also believe that if you live your life pursuing good and doing that which brings you absolute joy......then it will be accomplished.  Even if you never saw what it was.
We are so destination oriented as a culture that we have forgotten the beauty and necessity of the journey.  Our journey IS our story.  It is the only legacy that we leave.
blessings.

Newness

I am thankful for the ability to be made new.  I know, it sounds like simply a spiritual thing.  And, it is that too.  But, I found that I was becoming a woman that I didn't admire.  That I had allowed myself to be influenced and shaped by things that I shouldn't have.  I found that I didn't admire the woman that I was allowing to grow....so, I had to make new decisions.  I had to look at who I used to be.  Look at who I want to be.  See who I was created to be.  Because, I was not made to be a facade.  I was not made to make everyone happy.  I was made to bring glory to the Father.  But, the only way that can be done is to be the woman He created.  The one He loves without reserve.  It's easy to get sidetracked.  It's so tempting to think that making others comfortable and happy is always the way to go.  But, in this newness, I am learning that He has an ability to make things right and good for ALL of us at the same time.  And that doing and being who I am supposed to be is the way that I bring Him glory.  The way that I ultimately praise and thank Him for my life.
I am walking in newness.  Not just inside....all of me.  Each and every day.  Made for a purpose.  Created with care.  Not to be taken forgranted.  To be nurtured.  Treasured.  If I don't....nobody else will either.  I am learning.  It's all kinds of newness.
blessings.

Dear One

Sweet Man Child,
Do you remember those days of clarity of mind?  When you remembered how good it was to be told the truth?  To be challenged?  Do you yet remember those times when your mind was not numbed by chemicals, your soul and spirit muted?  Do you ever think about those wonderful days when you chose to live free of those things that stimulate or depress?  When you actually realized that you weren't in control.  But that indeed, those chemicals were in control.  Your body dependent in order to function.  To feel.  To stop feeling.  To go to sleep.  To wake up.
Do you remember when you realized how deeply your family loved you?  How after everything, they held you dear in their hearts.  When you lied.  When you stole.  When you screamed.  When you ran away.  When you lashed out.  When you ignored them.  When you threatened their peace and safety.  When you worried them.  Yet, do you remember how they stood with you?   Beside you?  Praying.  Uplifting.  Encouraging.  But, telling the truth.  Not lying to you as those others did.
Do you remember the ones who would have left you for dead from alcohol poisoning in order to save themselves from trouble?  Who spewed horrible things about you and the ones who love you when you began to recover?  Do you remember how little they cared?  How they ran away?  Do you see how you love the ones who are simply using you?  And use the ones who really love you?
Oh why does it seem that you have forgotten all of the good that you were going to do?  The way you longed to help your mama.  The promises you made to your siblings.  Why have you chosen to follow the path of the chemically dependent?  Don't you remember how empty it left you?  With only rebellion and anger to hold onto?  Why must you battle with all who actually care?  Why do you push away those who long to look up to you?  Why do you choose defiance and deceit over peace and kindness?
The truth is that I don't know.  And I'm not sure that you know.  But I will remember for you who you want to be.  I will hold onto your dreams and treasure them until you are ready to pick them up again and nurture them along.
Oh, live your life with care.  Think through your choices.  For I do not want your dreams to be all I have left of you.  I love you.  You are dear.  You are precious.  But I will never settle for allowing you to live a life that makes a mockery of the commitments you have made.  I won't bow to trying to be popular with you or your supposed friends.  Because you were made for so much more.  A mind full of ideas.  Abilities to think and draw and create.  A strong body.  A strong spirit.  No, I won't settle.  I love you now.  In this moment.  But I love the one I know.  Not the one you pretend to be in your effort of self assertion.  Of defiance.  Of  rebellion.  Getting to choose, getting to be a grown up doesn't mean that you have to prove it by making the BAD choices.  It means that you get to choose what is good and decent for you.
I miss you, dear one.  I look forward to your return.
blessings.

Aaron

Every Moses can really use an Aaron.  Because though Moses had everything he needed to accomplish the task, he needed an encourager.  Someone to believe in him.  Someone to help him see things through.  Not to boss him around.  Not to be his slave.  To be his equal but not need to be the center of the event.
It's called a best friend.  God brings them.  Jonathan and David.  Paul and Timothy.  Jesus and John.  It's a fact.  A Biblical truth.  But, what we often don't see is how the best of friends are an Aaron to one another!  That each is called to be a Moses in some way in her life.  And, there is that person who stands beside, voices her words, gives validity to her dreams.  John was there for Jesus, but Jesus gave John exactly what he needed as well.  Paul mentored Timothy, but Timothy gave Paul someone to trust and love.
I am an Aaron.  And, I am a Moses.  In some venues, I am simply there as the one to stand beside...or behind.  In others, I am doing what I need to do while a friend stands by...making me braver than I would be alone.  Making me step forward when I want to step back.  It's a beautiful thing.  Life changing.
blessings.

Consistency

When parenting, it is often said that consistency is the key.  It seems like the mantra of every parenting book.  And, consistency about what the rules are IS important.  What to do for consequences?  Not so much.  You see, kids are a bit like having a bacterial infection.  Nice image, huh?  But, just like an infection, after a couple of rounds of the same antibiotic, it's time to switch things up because the infection has become immune to that particular antibiotic.  Kids are the same way.  They build up a resistance to the consequences that are used if they are used continually.  They become ineffective.
Parents have to change it up.  Use different things.  Think outside the box.  Do something unexpected.  Appropriate to the circumstance and to the age, but not what is expected.  Sometimes.  Not every time.  But, if kids build up a resistance to what you are doing then it just becomes a battle of wills.  Not a fun place to be.
So, have consistently high expectations of your children.  But, when there needs to be an adjustment of behavior....be creative.
blessings.

Competition

We live in an age and a country that thrive on competition.  From advertising to workplace positions.  From sports to singing.  Nothing seems to be done to just be done well.  It's to be judged.  To be deemed "the best" by some entity somewhere.  The message is that everyone needs to get on board and be the best.  No matter what she is.  The best driver.  The best short order cook.  The best meal planner.  The best gardener.  The best artist.  The best.  Pleasure has gotten put aside.  Our things once done as hobbies and entertainment are now places to compete.  The things once done to relax also fall in the competing category....what kind of vacation you take, how well you do your art, your rughooking, your golf.
Unfortunately, the mindset has permeated our relationships. Wonder how?  Think about the best mom you know.  Yep, she came right to your mind, didn't she?  What was the criteria?  It's that lady that runs every bake sale and is involved in all of the school activities while keeping such a clean house AND a clean car.  I know, a clean CAR.  Amazing.  I didn't even realize that was a possibility with a houseful/carful of kids.  But, apparently it is.
My daughter was talking about a mom the other day that had done some things for the school.  I apologized that I hadn't.  She said, "that's ok, you're not that kind of mom."  And I wondered what that meant, so of course, I asked.  She told me that I"m not the mom that has to run every event of be wherever their kids are.  And...guess what?  She likes that.  She likes me.
And then, within a day or two, driving with my son, when we were talking, the same kind of thing came up.  He was talking about moms who have to do everything and be there all of the time.  I said that it's like they all feel pressured to be the best....to do the best job....to excel.  And he said, "it's not a competition."
It's not a competition.  Hate to tell you, but being a mom is NOT a competition.  We were all given our own set of kids with their own set of needs and we do with that what we can.  In our own unique way.  Creating our own unique environment.  Some meticulous.  Some messy.  Some hovering.  Some hands off.  It's not a competition.  Kids can know that they are loved in a variety of different ways.  It's not about doing everything.  Or being everything.  And it's certainly not about trying to be better than "what's her name".  The one thing that it has to be is about being who YOU are.  Teaching your kids how to live and be successful by being who they are.  Using your gifts.  So that they learn how to use their gifts.  Not trying to be like all of the other moms.  So that they don't try to be like all of the other kids.
In our uniqueness is where our strength lies in raising our children.  I know people who make their own clothes and cook their food straight from their land.  I know others that do Wendy's and Pizza Hut.  I know moms with cars that you can see the vacuum marks on the floors and moms that you can't see the floor of the car.  The thing is that those things don't define what a mom is.  Each mom in her own way lives and gives and learns and tries again and again.....and makes her own definition for her own set of kids of what makes a good mom.
Unless she makes it a competition.  Then all they see is that life is about being "better" than someone else.  Looking better.  Doing better.  The thing is this...competition doesn't really work in some things.  Sometimes it's simply a matter of opinion of the people that really count....those you care about most.  If it's the mom review that has your attention, then you will be trying to please them all of your life.  But, if it's your own kids then you will be able to relax.  Figure out your own path.  Your own way.  With them.
It's not a competition.  It's a day by day adventure.
blessings

Always

Sometimes, life can get hard.  It can take unexpected turns.  A mountain road looms ahead when we expected the quick free-way.  It can be messy too.  Full of hurts and things that we truly could never happen to us.  Sometimes, things just aren't what they seem or what we wish or how they need to be.
But, for all of those sometimes, there is and Always.  He is always there.  Always awake.  Always loving.  Always willing.  Always gracious.  Always truthful.  Always faithful.  Always kind.   Always comforting.  Always providing. Always.  Not sometimes....
But, it's easy to let the sometimes overtake the Always.  It's easy to forget that he is constant and without fail for us.  Not for what we want, but for us.  Cheering us on.  Encouraging us.  Believing the best about us.  Patient with us.  Willing to stay.  The sometimes will end or change, but the Always never will. 
And that is what means so much to me this Easter.  My Always has overcome my sometimes with His forever overshadowing my right now.
blessings,
rhonda

But once a year.....

Birthdays come but once a year.  And, when I was a child, that seemed like way too infrequently.  I mean, I loved cake.  And presents and parties.  I loved the hoopla.   Although, I have never enjoyed being sang to out in public nor opening gifts in front of people.  That's ok, it was set off by the presents.  Children and birthdays are an amazing thing.  Better than Christmas to a degree because it's ALL yours.  Yep. Being a child was amazing.
However, now that I'm just a wee bit past legal.  Alright, a bit past.  Ok, a ways past double legal.  Since this time of life has come, birthdays are different.  They are a time of being thankful.  For life.  For others.  For being able to live.  They have become more markers of time past than time that I am racing towards.  They are checkpoints of how I am living. 
So, this once a year, I get to stop in my mind and look back over the year and decide whether I have LIVED.  I get to really think about where I am headed.  It is more significant than New Years.  It is MY own personal new year.  I have no resolutions to write....because I am terrible with resolutions.  However, there are places I want to grow.  Places that I want to forgive in myself.  Places that I need to toughen up.  And soften up.  But, once a year, it's a time, no matter where I am or how I am, to simply thank God that I STILL am. 
blessings,
rhonda

Movement

The ocean rolls in and out.  Seemingly without change, but little by little, it forces it's way inward and onto the land.  And then, just as slowly, inch by inch, outward, back to the depths.  And when watching it, it doesn't seem like much is changing.  It doesn't seem to matter.  But every time the tide comes in, it provides water and nourishment for those creatures that live along the coastline.  It drops off the dregs of the sea as well as cleaning off the debris that was left.  Every inch is a bit of progress.  Though, none of us would probably even notice.
It's like that in life.  The most significant types of  "movement" happen little by little with seemingly little change.  And yet, over time, it seems like suddenly something big has occurred.  Like children growing.  It is always amazing when they suddenly overtake their parents.  When, little by little, over the years they have been changing and becoming the adults they will be.  It didn't happen overnight, though it often seems so.
Good things and bad things in our lives happen this way too.  Little by little things can get better and little by little, things can get worse.  It depends upon each little decision.  Each desire.  Each hope.  Each experience.  Each moment of faith.  It depends on whether we care enough.  On whether we are courageous enough.
The thing is that movement, genuine movement, takes time.  Generally, people don't love someone one day and hate them the next (or vice versa).  It takes many acts, many minutes, many choices.  But, over time, it adds up to a whole.  And while each little thing might not seem like much, it contributes to the direction of the movement for all time.  Some people become stagnant, not able to make up their minds and head one direction or the other.  In that case, almost without fail, someone else will eventually act and cause them to move one way or the other.
So, keep your eyes open.  See which way you need to be moving and do the things that head you in that direction.  Whether it's joyous or difficult, there is joy in the journey.  There is contentment in doing what you are meant to do.  Just as the ocean rolls in.  And rolls out.  Doing it's job every day.  I want to do that in life.  If my life were the ocean, sometimes all motion would stop while I would decide what direction to go.......even though it's very clear.  Surrendering to that clarity is often more difficult than it seems.  Look carefully.  But, don't be afraid.  You will do what you need to be doing for this season.  The next season might be entirely different.  Movement is the norm.  Change is constant in the whole world.  Guess we should get used to it.
blessings,
rhonda

Good and Plenty

One day, while at Costco, there was a FIVE pound bag of good and plenty's.  Wow.  And they were really cheap.  I mean, in those boxes you get what, 6 ounces?  So, of course, my friend and I were compelled to buy it.  I mean, we really liked good and plenty's.  A lot.  You can never get enough good and plenty's.  Well, until you buy a five pound bag.  The, about two handfuls in, you've had enough.  You can barely look at the bag, let alone eat anymore.  The smell even seems a tad sickening.  Five pounds of good and plenty's is more than plenty.  It's like...........crazy.  But, it was such a good DEAL. 
So many deals seem good at the time.  Like you can't pass them up.  The kind at the grocery store.  Or the kind in relationships.  But, what something seems is not always how it really is.  Sometimes my mind is blinded by the offer of something big for little money.  Or by not having to do a chore that I don't want to do in return for some favor.  Life is like that.  Good deals.  Making deals. 
But, while deals are good in the grocery store.  Good at the Wal-Mart.  Good when getting a decent buy.  Sometimes, the deal is not good.  It's like the bag of good and plenty's.  It LOOKS good, it sounds tempting, but really, it stinks.  And, when that is the case, it's ok to say, "no thanks."  I'm still learning that.  I don't have to take every deal that comes along.  In any venue.  I get to choose.  So do you.
I chose those good and plenty's and they should have been called horribly too much's........I learned my lesson the hard way.  But I plan on remembering it so as not to waste it. 
blessings,
rhonda

Winter

Sometimes, in the middle of a bright, warm, spring-like day....even a truly Spring day.....Winter can sneak right back in.  Today, in Colorado, it was in the mid-50's this morning.  It was about 80 yesterday.  Sunshiny in that bright blue sky Colorado way.
But, today, this afternoon, snow is blowing and sticking and covering my car.  It is cloudy and the kind of day where you want a blanket and a book.  The kind of day when you wonder if it really, truly IS Spring.
That happens in life too.  At least in my life.  Sometimes, I get through Winter and breathe a sigh of relief that Spring has come.  I begin to relax and feel a sense of warmth.  But, when I don't expect it, sometimes, Winter sneaks back in. 
Everyone here is saying, "we need the moisture."  Maybe in life sometimes I need the moisture of the Wintery storm in the middle of Spring too.  The remembering how to appreciate the warmth.  The knowing that it takes all seasons to cause growth.  Some plants can't even come back without a winter freeze.  And, goodness knows that my grass seed will do better with this nice, thick snow.  And in my life, it is the same.  Though it makes me shake...and grab a blanket....and a book.  Though it makes me tremble.  Still, Spring is still here.  This is just a passing storm.
blessings,
rhonda

At the End of the Day

If at the end of the day, I can see ways in which I benefited others.  If I can see in my mind the people who smiled because I lifted their spirits just a little bit.  If I can remember how it felt to see the sun rise....or set.  If I have  given my best to something important to me.  If I have done some work.  And some play.  And some stillness.  If at the end of the day, I can look in a mirror and feel confident that the day was spent well. If I can stop and remember how much Jesus loves me.   Then, no matter the circumstances, it was a very good day. 
I hope that you had a very good day.
blessings,
rhonda

Get the Dirt

I know a lot of people like to get the dirt.  I do too.  I buy some every year.  I used to get to go to Kmart, but alas, now I am forced to the Super Wal-Mart.  I buy soil.  Manure.  Stinky stuff and fluffy stuff.  I have a nice tall stack out by my front door even as I write.  And I CAN'T wait to use it.  But, first, I've got to prepare the garden, the space.  I have to get it ready to accept the new things. 
My dirt is good and healthy.  Though sometimes smelly. It gives strength and growth to new life. But, the dirt that many people like is not so good and never so healthy for the person that they have "dirt" on.  I like playing in the dirt.  Enjoy the growth it can bring.  But, the kind of dirt some people play in does not bring growth but humiliation and pain.
When choosing which kind of dirt to dig in.....be careful.  Be wise.  Don't bring someone down because you can.  Perhaps spend some time in the other kind of dirt where you will have time to think and reflect.  Getting the dirt on someone is a big responsibility.  Way more so than buying the dirt at the store.  So, don't use it.  Sometimes your friends will need to vent.  Sometimes you will.  But, the best of friends know how to clean up the dirt with us......not spread it around.  The world is full of dirt. MY life is full of dirt.  I treasure those who help me clean it up, not spread it around.  Don't you?
blessings,
rhonda

How to Love Your Life

Isn't that what we all want?  To love our lives?  It seems like it's harder to do than it sounds.  So many trials and pains.  Physically, our bodies fail.  Mentally, we begin to forget.  Spiritually, it's a constant battle to remain true.  Psychologically, it seems like keeping our sanity is too big to ask.  Not all of the time.  But you know those times that I'm talking about.  The times in life when you simply can't see the light...and when you do, it turns out to be a Mac truck headed right for you.  You duck and go under and are not killed but dragged along.....or, so it feels. 
Loving life begins by loving yourself.  I know that a lot of people will disagree.  But, if we are to love others AS we love ourselves, then the precursor is learning to love ourselves.  Then we can love others.  Then, we can love our lives.  Without blaming ourselves constantly.  Taking responsibility and owning what we do, but not taking on what does not belong to us.  And the only way we can begin to attempt to love ourselves is to finally accept that God really DOES love us.  Right now.  Right here.  Even the dimply butt.  And the saggy chin.  Even the little whiskers that pop up.  Even the thoughts of worry.  He simply loves us.  Completely.  Right where we are.  No matter what anyone says about us or believes about us.  That is so easy to say and SO HARD to do.  Seriously hard.  At least for me.  I'm good at blaming myself.  At taking on what I really wasn't responsible for. 
So, if you want to love your life....you'll have to accept first off that you are loved.  Completely.  Then, it all goes from there.  It makes it possible to make changes.  To be brave and courageous.  To live without fear.  There is nothing that will ever separate you from His love. 
You are a treasure.  A poem written by the creator.  His gem. 
blessings,
rhonda

Garden Gates

Garden gates are beautiful.  For me, they always indicate the invite to come in and enjoy.  A way into a place of beauty.  Of course, there is the other aspect too; a way to keep people out.  But the thing about a beautiful garden is that unless you wall it up, you can't keep others from enjoying it.  It is a gift for all.
It's like that with friends.  It's like we each have our own gardens that grow and are visible for all to see and enjoy.  And, over time, one intertwines with another over the fence lines and around the arbors.  Over time, the pretty things go from one place to another.  It's a natural seeding and expanding that happens in gardens.  It happens in people too.  Where there is a heart to accept beauty, it will go from one to another.
So, keep the gate open.  Visit frequently.  Enjoy the beauty of the gardens around you.
blessings,
rhonda

It's a New Day

Here we go.  Got things to do, thoughts to think, words to write.  It's a new day. 
Hope that you celebrate your new day.  Enjoy April Fool's Day.  Make lots of laughter and silliness.
Or mud pies.  Or whatever will make this day memorable. 
It's easy to get in a rut. 
Easy to travel with the stream.
Easy to just float on a tube in the river of life.
Instead, get wet today. Dive in.  Get involved.  It's a lovely, brand new day.  It was made for you.
blessings,
rhonda

Loss

Sometimes life is not fair.  Or at least it feels that way.  I know, you'd think that by this age I'd be over fair.  But, sometimes doesn't it just hit you?  "THAT'S NOT FAIR!"  And I feel about five years old.  Ha.
Life is not always fair, but it is always interesting.  People come and go.  Lives change.  Things happen.  Sometimes you find yourself the center, other times you find yourself odd man out.  Still other times, you find that you have to walk alone.
While it doesn't feel fair...and it often isn't fair, it is a fact of life.  It's part of growing up.  Growing pains.  Facing reality.  I've never been very good at that.  I always hope for the happy ending.  I really hate facing the loss of hope that comes with knowing that life isn't fair.  It's a loss.
So, if you see me on the street stamping my feet and having a tantrum, it's that I just have trouble with the fact that life really isn't fair.  Of course, sometimes that works in my favor.......hmmmm....I'll have to think on that.  In the meanwhile,
blessings,
rhonda

My house. My home.

The place where I live.  The building in which I reside.  It is not a mansion nor a showplace.  It does not boast a turret, though I would LOVE a turret.  It is not small.  It is not intimidating.  I have never known anyone to feel put off by entering my home because of it's grandness.  Sometimes, perhaps for it's chaos. 
And, chaotic it often is.  Animals and kids roam freely around.  Adults sit around and chatter.  Or take naps as the urge hits them.  It is a plcae where much living goes on. 
Often unkempt and untidy.  Without much organization.  The glasses get broken regularly.  There are dozens of plates in the cupboard and flatware to serve a small army.....because this house sometimes does. 
My house.  My home.  It might not be many things, but it is a place of refuge.  A place to be yourself.  A place to enjoy and eat your fill.  It is a place to laugh or cry depending on what you need....sometimes both occur within minutes.  This is a real place.  No need to put on your fanciest attire or to use the proper fork.  You'll be lucky if you get matching silverware. 
But, this place is a place I'd fight for.  I would draw a line in the sand if anyone tried to make it less than what it is.  Because, for all of it's idiosyncrasies, this house is a reflection of me.  It is not many things, but it is willing.  Willing to shelter your heart.  To offer you friendship.  To relax when the world is too busy.  To work hard to help you make it through.  This house is  a portrait of who I am.  Still under construction.  Needing work all of the time.  Too much roaming around inside and out.  But still, something there that draws you in.  Causes you to pause.  And wonder.  Maybe there's more here than meets the eye. 
My house.  My home.
blessings,
rhonda

Trying Again

I arose this morning to birds singing.  The sun is tucked neatly behind the clouds.  The world is still.  The feeling of a blanket enveloping it.  though it's not early.  It is a break, so my kids remain in bed.  My husband has left for work.  The world is quiet.
And I begin to think of that saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try try again."  And it makes me smile.  When I was younger, I thought that trying again meant doing the same thing over and over again.  I thought that it meant doing the same thing and expecting a different result.  That would have been like Edison not changing the design of the light bulb in progress, but continuously making the same design.  He would have failed.  Someone else would have invented the light bulb.
My life is like that.  I get caught in the rut of trying to do things in the same way.  I have the idea that there's an expected way or an accepted way, and instead of being creative or giving it a fresh try, I keep bringing out the same old try.
But today, as I sit here quietly beginning my day, I am choosing to try again in new and creative ways.  Whether it's getting my garden beautiful or teaching my kids to step up and do what they see needs to be done without being told.  So many things to try on.  So many possible ways to succeed.  Unless I get caught in the rut of just trying the same way that just failed the last hundred times.
So, I'll be off.  Got a lot of trying again to do.
blessings,
rhonda

Thanks Grandpa

Today was a hard day for me.  I just couldn't feel good about anything that I was doing.  I was not finding myself able to feel positive or confident.  It happens, you know?  I was listening to the unproductive voices.  Hearing how I fail. 
And my heart cried out.  "God help me.  I need a word of encouragement.  I am struggling.  I am feeling down." I turned on the country music station.  That always cheers me up.  I know it's strange, but it's still true.  I never said that I wasn't strange.  And, I went back to work.  I worked really hard today.  Grocery shopping.  Yard.  Furniture rearranging. 
While I was going through books, I came across a little black notebook.  Flipped it open to a page titled "Love Lifted Me."  I immediately recognized my grandpa's handwriting.  At first I thought it was his notes for the Bible studies he led....but, I think that they were sermons.  Three point sermons. Anyway, my prayer was miraculously answered by God, using something tangible...which is important to me.  Even more amazingly, He used something that He knew would mean a lot to me to find.  I recently lost a ring from my grandpa.  Finding this little notebook lifted my heart.  Love how God not only knows me, but cares enough to meet my needs in a way I will understand. 

A Good Day

You know, it's a good day when I remember that I don't have to fear.  That courage will be SUPPLIED.  It is a good day when I find myself not alone in the world.  When I open my eyes and see the people who love me holding on tightly, even if they are far away. 
So, though today was a hard day, it was a GOOD DAY.  Full of wonder, smiles, laughter and really amazing people.  It was a reminder that I have to go through.  Not around.  Not under.  Not over.  Through.  It's the only way.  But, while I am, I don't walk alone.  Neither do you.
blessings,
rhonda

Life and Living

This Thursday would have been my grandmother's birthday.  This Saturday, she will have been gone for seven years.  I wonder at how quickly they have flown by.  By how she has missed seeing her great grand children growing up.  And, I mourn again.  I mourn because she decided to quit living before her time was really up.  She didn't put her heart into what she did.  She forgot how good it was to give.  She missed out on several years that could have been really good because she decided that it wasn't worth it. 
I want to live fully until the very end.  I sense how easy it is to give in to despair or hopeless feelings.  But I want to choose to live life abundantly.  I want to squeeze the joy out of every moment.  I want to love extravagantly.  I want to give generously.  Without holding back.
And I want to begin this very moment.  Because, my grandmother entered the hospital not knowing that it would be her last time ever to be in her own home.  Not knowing that it was her last chance to say the things that should be said.  She did not realize....but the end still came. 
I want to give the One who is my Life my very best.  Even in rest.  I want to be the smile in someone's day.  The pat on the back.  The word that lifts a heart.  I want to celebrate the preciousness of each breath. 
To breathe deeply.  To exhale life to others. 
blessings,
rhonda

For the Joy Set Before Me

I have lived way too much of life being afraid about making decisions, what people think of me and how things are going to turn out.  I have wondered if I am living "right".  And I have struggled with how I feel about myself.  But, in recent times, grace has crept in.  Slowly.  With great....um, yeah I know, it's redundant, grace.  Not pushy.  But full of compassion.  Of understanding.  God has shown me how incredibly gracious He is.  Not because I deserve it, but because He IS it.  He is so gracious that all of my sins are covered.  Not just the ones before I received Him, but ALL of them, for all time.  The ones I know about and realize and the ones that I am too ignorant to see or even to call sin.  He has grace on me.  He adores me.  And He IS the joy set before me.  When my eyes are on Him, instead of how I'm doing as a mother, employee, wife, friend, human being, woman, or any other standard, He fills me with peace.  With joy. 
But, the problem is the obstacles in the way.  Those mountains that tend to block my view.  Otherwise known as fears and insecurities.  The what ifs.  What if I say how I really feel and it ends badly?  What if I fail?  What if I don't measure up?  What if I absolutely mess it up?  What if I am not popular?  What if I screw up my kids?  What if I don't please my spouse?  What if.....
The what if mountains are the highest range anywhere in the world.  And they block a spectacular, amazing view.  The view of Jesus Himself.  Standing, beckoning, calling, wooing, reminding, cajoling, pleading, loving, hoping.  He IS there.  And, I can choose to see Him.  But, I will have to choose to let go of the what ifs.  I will have to choose to live in truth.  To live day to day.  To tell how I am.  To walk there.  Even if it is very hard.  But, what if I do? 
I will find the joy that has been set before me. 
blessings,
rhonda