Store Closing

I saw the sign.....kind of bile yellow.......hanging above my K-mart today. And I felt sick. For the man I talked to who was in his fifties and has never been laid off before but is now going to be unemployed. For the memories of how it feels to close a business. For the lives that will change. For the fact that I like to go to K-mart. Easier to navigate and get in and out. Hmmm. Probably why it's closing.
But, there's this deeper part of me too. A part that knows that change can bring really good things. Closing our business had pain attached, but now it is fine. Now, I get to see my kids every afternoon. I am there every day to pick them up. I like that.
Change will come again, too. I'm sure of it. It is the one thing that has been constant in my life.
I never welcome it at the moment, but it grows on me.
What changes are you facing? Are you looking forward to it? Are you dreading it? Does it seem like the worst news ever? Let me reassure you that every change comes with good and bad. Look for the good. Leave the bad. Or, at least don't focus on it.
My store is leaving. My son went to college. I became a grandma. I closed a business. And, strangely, life is good.
be blessed my friends,
you are loved.
rhonda

Friends..........or Foes

Are any of you involved in social networking via the internet? You know, facebook, twitter, or myspace. I have really enjoyed my facebook account. It allows me to keep up with friends from around the world and to actually be a part of some of my friend's lives moreso than I was previously. It's fun. It's entertaining.
I used to be addicted to the games. I loved the word games. But, I quit. I have other things to do. They are ok, but I'd rather write or do something else. Facebook can be quite entertaining and encouraging. But, awhile back, I began to notice that some people had upwards of 500 friends. Some of them even have over 1000 "friends". I was intrigued. I mean, really, can anyone have that many people that they ACTUALLY know? And, my intrigue led me to research it.
I began an experiment. I created a bogus account for a non-existent person. All of her information was made up. And then I sent out invites.......in four days, she has 145 friends. Six people questioned her request. Within this four days, she has friends from all over......including other countries.
It's amazing. She doesn't even exist. People talk to her like she does. Behave as if they should know her. Befriend her because people they know befriend her. Or some, because of where she's from. Or how cute her photo is.
Again, it's stunning. I have only a couple dozen more friends than the non-existent account.
WHY? That's what I keep wondering. Why are people letting people they don't even know see all of their private information and photos? What is driving this social networking?
Loneliness? Alienation? Lack of boundaries?
I am still not sure. But I do know that safety demands a change. Don't befriend people you don't know online. They can see your photos. Your email. Your birthday. They can figure out who you are, where you live and from that they could harm your children. They could find out private information and harm you.
Don't get me wrong. It's fun to enjoy the people you do know. It's healthy to connect with people with whom you are acquainted. But, if you don't know them, don't click accept........click ignore and go on with your life.
Kudos to those of you who questioned and asked who was asking for your friendship. Or those of you who clicked ignore.....I'll never know your names. And for those of you who clicked accept, stop and think. If you are popular or famous, start a fan page instead. Keep your private account just that.......private.
Enjoy responsibly. Be careful with what is most precious: your family, your life, your heart. Go through and cull the ones that you don't know. It's ok. They don't get notified. And, you don't know them anyway. It's not a contest to see who has the most. Having friends, by definition isn't about a contest, it's about being the best friend you can possibly be. It's about caring. Getting to know people. Whether it's online or on the bus, take the time to do it right. Do relationships well, they are a defining force in your life.
blessings,
rhonda

Dreams

DREAMS
dreams are wishes, pleasantries, PASSIONS and hopes
all wrapped in a beautiful package
and often made possible
by FRIENDS
family
and the FOUNDATIONS upon which we build our lives.
dreams are the carriers of our HEARTS
and the true essence of who we are
and cause us to
work
have PURPOSE
and simply get up in the morning.
dreams are cached in a light, airy, FREE
place in our souls
where no doubt or worry ever disturbs them
dreams themselves LIFT us to places we
never knew we could go
accomplishments we never IMAGINED
we had within us
dreams LIFT us up when the world
and it's worries get too heavy
suddenly we become part of something bigger
something that will LAST longer
something that motivates us
to move from the painful place and into
LIVING
dreams are not fantasy
they are the REALITY that does not yet exist
but will
the KNOWING of who we were made to be
the CULMINATION of
talents
gifts
faith
work
time
support
and the very BREATH of god himself
who breathed life into us
the dream of what is
not only at this moment
but in the future
dreams are what
"eternity in the hearts of man"
looks like
dreams are what we encourage
children to grow out of
and adults to leave behind
without dreams there is no HOPE
no change
no difference
no motivation
but dreams pursued result
in a world filled with WONDER
awe
amazement
compassion
with people who SEE things
and DO things
and BELIEVE that their lives matter
dreams are inspiration
the inhalation of something
more than what is now
and the exhalation of it's sudden existence
dreams CHANGE the world
because they change us
DREAM

The Secret of Life

Oh, I can't tell you. It's a secret. And, everybody should know enough to keep a secret.
Or, maybe it's not such a secret and it would be ok to tell you because it's common knowledge anyway. What a dilemma.
Here's the thing. Life is not a secret. It's the living that remains elusive. We get up. We breathe. Our hearts beat. Life is a gift. Given each and every millisecond. It's what makes us able to live. But one does not necessarily beget the other.
You have a life. You have breath.
The living is what YOU put in. With your mind. With your energy. With your time. With your choices.
It's learning how to think and make decisions.
It's giving to those around you.
It's deciding to be the person you were meant to be instead of conforming to the "norm".
It's doing something that is memorable just for you.
It's making relationships.
It's not about being busy.
It's about being purposeful.
It's about deciding to make a difference, no matter how small, in your corner of the world.
It's deciding to take risks.
It's sometimes just about getting out of bed and trying one more time. Sometimes, that's all we've got in us.
It's about not settling for how things have always been. Because YOU have never been before and you are unique and add a new dimension to everything you are involved in.
It's about taking time to enjoy the breathing. The resting. The beauty.
You and I are given life. I don't cause myself to breathe or my blood to flow or my eyes to blink. But, I have to choose what to do with the fact that I woke up this morning. I have to plan and dream and hope. I have to put in some effort. And I have to know that I also need to simply rest.
So, the secret is that life is a gift. Living is a choice.
blessings,
rhonda

SMILE

Wow, there seems to be an epidemic of non smiling disease. Who knows what is to blame. Could be the weather. Or the economy. Or the fear of wrinkling.
I'm not really sure, but I am stunned by the number of people who go out of their way to NOT smile. I mean, if you are sitting at a street corner at a stop sign, isn't it nice when the person kitty corner from you smiles and waves you on? Or when you are at the grocery store, isn't it just polite to smile at the checker? Maybe I'm way off, but sometimes smiling is the only communication you get with that particular person.
Smile. I mean, there's always something to smile about. Of course, I get in trouble for smiling because supposedly it means that I'm up to something. But, can't my face just simply show that my heart is happy?
Isn't it encouraging to see people who are going through really hard times smile? One has nothing to do with the other. Or maybe it does. Maybe they have discovered what is REALLY behind happiness.
Life is way too short to be a sour puss. A grumpy head. A grouse. A meanie head.
I don't mean fake laughter. Don't mean smiling when you want to cry. I just mean.......well, take time each day to count up those blessings. Those good things. Those benefits. And, it'll make you smile.
like the smell of freshly falling rain.
or dinner cooking on a holiday.
like seeing a baby take their first steps. or first smile.
warm blankies.
fireplaces.
walks on the beach
finding a sand dollar. or sea glass. or, if you are my son, a dead fish or a skeleton of a seal.
a newborn calf.
a field as it just begins to turn green in the early stages of spring.
the moon when it is just nearly golden and huge.
a good cup of joe.
hot tea in a pretty cup.
memory pictures.
hugs from people who love you.
time alone.
birthday parties.
a free education.
rearranged furniture.
SMILE.
There's sooo much to SMILE about. And the thing is that it's contagious........if you smile at me, I will be so happy, I'll smile back AND later in the day, I will smile just thinking of how nice it was to be smiled at.
A smile is a wonderful gift. AND, it's free. Everybody can give as many as they want. Nobody is excluded.
Feel free to share things that make you smile to think about.......maybe it'll bring a grin to another.
like a free parking space at the mall at Christmas.
blessings,
rhonda

How Things Have Changed

Today I was waiting for my nearly 17 year old son as he went in to talk to the recruiting officer. He was interested in how to pay for his college career. The recruiting office is right by a "Tobacco King", and a Liquor Store. In the twenty minutes I was there, my son was the only one to enter the recruiting center. Not so with the other two places of business. They had a booming business.
Strangely, it was mostly young men and it was 3:30 in the afternoon.
And my heart was strangely saddened. Not by the fact that they weren't out in droves at the military recruitment office, but that there were so many young men who obviously had nothing better to do at 3:30 in the afternoon than buy booze and cigarettes. There was a generation where that would have been completely unacceptable. I wish that it was this generation.
Perhaps we should encourage our young men to aim a little higher? Perhaps we have allowed them to become too dependent or too lazy or too complacent. I don't know. But I know that they are not the kind of men my grandfather and his brothers were. They worked to take care of their mother after their father died. My grandpa was only 15. He didn't quit school. He worked over 40 hours a week AND went to school and got mostly A's. He didn't whine. He worked. He provided. He believed that was his job.
So many families are struggling these days. So many young men are lounging around. Hmmm. Perhaps they could go to work to help out their parents. Or grandparents. Or the lady down the street. Perhaps we should find a way to get this generation to see beyond themselves and their entertainment.
Perhaps.
Or maybe they have to find it for themselves. Maybe we can only help by limiting other options. Perhaps we should not give them the money and the resources to drive, drink, smoke or date. Maybe we could expect them to provide those things for themselves.
It hurt my heart. Not because it damages me. Or you. But because this mindset is damaging the young men.
Let's pray for a change.
blessings,
rhonda

Meatballs

Yep, that's the answer to the question that I have answered every day for nearly twenty years. Tonight it's meatballs. I never knew how a simple question could have such huge implications. I never knew how much responsibility comes from having to answer that question every day.
And yet, what an opportunity to provide joy. Food is sure a joy bringer. To kids. To husbands. To people with new babies who get meals delivered. Food is much more than just sustenance. It is time to slow down. Enjoy. Regroup. It can bring comfort.
You got it, I'm a foodie. I enjoy food. Lots of kinds of foods. I like to cook too. Good thing, because my family likes to eat. It's a little stressful because sometimes the answer to the daily question brings looks of dismay. Other times, joyous whooping. Crepes are a huge hit. Chicken soup, less so.
It's fun to see my kids enjoy food as well. Cooking. Eating. Planning what would be good together. It's just a shame that not many of us really want to clean up the kitchen. It gets done, but nobody loves it like they love the cooking.
Cooking brings joy before you ever even eat. Before you ever even enter the front door. The aroma of dinner is enticing. It draws people in. I have dinner cooking most days before I go to pick up my kids. We eat early. John gets home late anyway, so it doesn't really matter. But, I like them to eat real food instead of starting on the snacks, sandwiches, fruit. But, some days, they can barely wait. As soon as they smell the food when we are walking in, the question becomes, "how long?"
Maybe we should live our lives like we are good food. Something that draws other people in. That they can hardly wait. That they feel comforted. That we start a hunger in them. And can fill it.
Filling the need. There's the thing. Nothing worse than smelling the food, seeing the food, having our appetite going full blast and then not getting any food. Ever been near a good restaurant at around dinner time? The smells get your tummy rumbly. Your mind starts going. You want food. You want THAT food. But, you have things to do. Places to go.
Much the same with emotional and spiritual needs. People get their appetites whetted, but sometimes just keep going. They ignore the hunger. They don't get filled.
Be a person who knows how to answer the question. The important question. "What do you have to fill me up?"
blessings,
rhonda

That's Not Even Funny

Any of you looking for work these days?
Are you middle aged?
Have you been out of your career longer than you were in it?
Me too.
I was really good at my job. Exceptional.
But I took a lot of years off to be really good at something else. Unfortunately, nobody seems to understand that being a mom has taken more energy, creativity, creative financing, strategizing, planning, organizing and leading than any job I ever had that I got a paycheck.
I'm not patting myself on the back. I'm not trying to brag......very much. But really, how could anything compare??? If you have done it, you know what I mean. It's a total life experience. 24/7 365 days a year. For...........EVER!!!
But, people smile and talk down to us when we apply for their $8 an hour jobs. The condescending looks just really irk me. I was simply getting an application to work in child care one day and the woman behaved as if I were some person who couldn't possibly be qualified. Sigh.
What happens? When is it that I became invisible in the rest of the world? And, more importantly, how do I become visible again?
First of all, I have to dream. I have to decide again what to be and who I am growing to be.
You know, I'm not who I was at 20. But, lately, I've realized that I would be a better teacher than I was then. And I was good. I see kids. But, how can I make other people see me?
I'm beginning classes. Talking to people. Putting out applications. Praying. Hoping. Dreaming. Much like the first time.
I have to learn who I am apart from my husband and children so that I can portray that to the people wanting to hire me. That is very difficult for a full time mama.
I'm willing to work my way up. I'm even willing to do new things. My mind and heart are open.
I know that this is a changing, growing time.
But, even in this, I am an example to my children. How to pursue something. How to reach out when all you want to do is go hide. It's embarrassing to step out into a field that so many other people have so much more experience.
I remember the women who came to college in their forties when I was at Baylor. They always messed up the curve. They studied. I admired them then. I admire them more now.
Yes, soon, I could be hearing my kids say, "mom, is your homework done?" And, frankly, that's not even funny.
Here's to new dreams and new careers,
blessings,
rhonda

Growing Up

I was one of those kids that simply couldn't wait to grow up. I was college bound and out the door in my mind from the time I was about 10. I had no fears that I really recall about leaving home. I was not nervous about getting into college. I just figured that things would work out. Oh, don't get me wrong. I got decent grades. I tested well. I put in some effort. I put out applications. I was in the top ten percent of my class. No, there weren't only three of us. ;)
But lately, I feel that same way. Like I am waiting to be grown up. Not sure what I am going to be or how, but I have a growing sense of purpose and dreams. Maybe it's there because my children are growing up. Maybe it's the classes I'm just getting ready to begin. I don't know what it is.
What about you? Are you waiting to grow up too? Because it's really fun to look forward to something bigger than we are now. Maybe that's why youth has so much hope.
My challenge to you is to remember how it feels to look forward. Don't assume that all of life will always be as it is today. You can be something when you grow up. What will it be? Fireman? Teacher? Lawyer? You can even be a mommy. Yes, even in old age. You can go be a house parent at an orphanage or adopt or do foster care.
The point is that women our age get stuck in a rut. Often we have given up our first careers years ago. But each day should be full of dreams and plans and hopes. Grasp those visions in your heart and begin to seek out who God has for you to be in each part of your life.
blessings,
rhonda

Say the Word--a Tribute to Dr. Gregg

I live in a house with lots of teens. And one lonely tween. They go to school with lots of other teens. They have many teachers. They have many really good teachers. In this time and place, that in itself is amazing. They are learning and growing and becoming more and more mature. I attribute much of whom they are becoming to these men and women who invest their lives in the lives of my children.
And, leading the pack is Dr. Karen Gregg. She is an amazing band director. She motivates. She intimidates when needed. She laughs. She cries. She explains. She gripes. She praises. She is real with the kids. But she is definitely in charge. No question.
But all of this isn't why she makes me want to tell you about her. It's because she has a Valentine's tradition. It's only for high schoolers.......no middle schoolers. She has everyone in the class write nice things about everyone else. (Each kid has a paper with his or her name on it.) And, she also writes. Then she spends a lot of time typing them up and printing them off for each kid. She makes a point to let students know that they are loved. Goes out of her way.
There are not many teachers in the world that do that. She gets to know the kids. Lets them know how special they are. Lets them know when they are screwing up. Sticks with them both ways.
I am so thankful.
Thanks, Dr. Gregg!!!
If any of you have people go out of their way, please feel free to post it. Take the time to say the word............."thanks". Do it now. Life is short and people don't hear it enough.
blessings,
rhonda

Chorus Line

In recent times, with much fear and a little bit of a teary eye, I have had a revelation. It came when I was home alone one morning. No, it was not the realization of the graying of my hair. Nor the fact that my eyesight is causing me to wish for longer arms. It's not even those wrinkles around my eyes. Or the fuzziness that seems to be forming on my lip. No, all of these things I have made my peace with.
But, one morning, as the music way playing on my computer and I was "dancing" around, I had a moment of horror. As I danced, parts were swinging along in time. Uh oh. The thighs. The buttocks, The belly had a whole part of it's own going on. The backs of my arms. And, could I be imagining it, but I think I felt movement somewhere around my jaw and neckline. No, Can't be. Not me.
But, alas, middle age is settling in. Or, has settled in. And I could mourn. And fuss. And lament. But, instead I am thinking that I'll just view my body as my own little chorus line to help me celebrate each day in joy.
Still, a little mortified. But, overall, happy just to have the opportunity to live. The blessing of breath. A little sagging is a small price to pay.
blessings,
rhonda

To Have and To Hold

Oh my gosh. Sorry, I am already laughing. Sometimes, the most serious things in life make me laugh the hardest.
I remember being engaged. It was a lovely, blur of a three months. Much like the previous three months where I had met and begun to date my betrothed. Life was on full speed ahead.
I had the bridal magazines. I spent hours planning and dreaming and making fun decisions about what colors and what flowers and what flavor of cake. I can't really say that I felt as stressed as some seem to. I chose the invitations without much grief. Actually, that is the one thing we did together. I wasn't overly concerned about which tuxes we got. Just classy. Not powder blue or anything........it was the nineties, after all. I had already lived through the eighties.
We had a wedding of around 4oo. It was huge. And we had food. And a photographer who worked at the paper with John and our wedding gift was all of the rolls of film to do with as we pleased. Wow. My brother in law video taped.
Funny, when I saw that videotape, I see myself talking to people that I didn't even remember were there. Really, that time of life is kind of a blur.
We had the traditional ceremony. Promised to love honor and whatever else they say. hahahhahaa. "I do." "I do." Reception. Signing of license. Out to eat with all visiting friends and family.
And the next day, on to moving 900 miles away. And then to Vail. And then, finally, back to our own, new place. Whirlwind. Falling in love, planning a wedding, quitting jobs, moving, getting married, and going on a honeymoon in less than six months. From the date we met until the date we married it is about 51/2 months.
About a week after we were married and things had settled down, I suddenly stopped. And, honestly, I panicked. Oh, my gosh. To have and to hold from this day forward until death do we part. Uh oh. I had no experience. I had never even lived with a family for more than three years. I had precious few role models. It had been my fantasy. My dream. My hope. But, now that I was here, how was I going to follow through?
And neither of us had jobs. And then, I got one first. Yeah, who knew that that could be a problem. And we are very different people. Oh yes, you could have told me that? Well, where in the world were you???
And I was married and going to have my needs met and be taken care of. Ah. Sweet. And, very wrong.
One person cannot ever meet another persons needs completely. It's good in romantic comedies. It's fun in novels. It's just not true. And, you can still have a good relationship. No problem. You can be fulfilled.
But my goal after these 20 years has been to let young people know that marriage is rewarding. It is a good thing. I don't regret it. I love my kids. I love my husband. I like my life.
But the life you have Before Marriage,( you know, B.M.? haahahaha , sorry, just couldn't help it.) is valuable too.
Don't get so busy wanting to be married, fantasizing about it's wonders, imagining and dreaming, that you miss the NOW of your life. Enjoy learning. Making decisions. Following dreams. Getting to know people. Getting to know you. Don't be so afraid of aloneness that you rush through the NOW.
And, those of you who are A.M.(after marriage), either by death, divorce or otherwise, don't miss out on your life now. Don't try to fill the places with another guy. Don't forget to dream. And plan. And enjoy. Look for new hobbies, skills, joys. Sit on the beach. Read a book. Work hard. It's not easy.
But you know, neither is being married. The more people you have to take into consideration, the more complex life becomes. Oh, it's also full of joys and wonders. But don't always think that the grass is greener somewhere or somehow else.
And if you find yourself married, enjoy it immensely. It's your NOW. It will not be a fairy tale. Sorry, those are only in books and movies. They are what fantasy is made of. In real life, you have to roll up your shirt sleeves and make the hard decisions. You have to decide who you will be. And let your spouse decide who he will be. And your kids, who they will be.
It's hard to hold onto wherever we are. Married, widowed, divorced, single. It doesn't matter really. It all comes down to who we are and what direction we are going to travel. Keeping relationships healthy. Giving encouragement. Saying the hard stuff. Taking a stand in the world. Being loving.
Each person is still responsible for who he/she is. No excuses. Because God says He is your provider. He says that He is the One that makes you stand. He says that nothing is too difficult for Him. No marriage on earth will ever fill you up. It is good. But it is not what makes you whole.
Each person has to be whole with Jesus first. Then, the two wholes can come together and be helpmates. Not co-dependent but free. Finding the beauty in commitment and lifelong companionship. But ya know, frankly, sometimes it aint so pretty.
Sometimes you'll barely be holding on no matter where or how you find yourself. Never you fear. There is One that is holding onto you.
He wants to have you and He wants to hold you forever.
Be at peace.
blessings,
rhonda

Ditto

Do you remember ditto machines? I do. They were messy. Purple ink. You had to put the original onto a special plastic paper and then make sure you put it on the machine right or all of your dittos wound up backwards. But, now that I've dated myself about when I began to teach, you can all feel better about yourselves and how old you are.
Ditto machines didn't make anything new. They replicated what had already been made. In a not so pretty, not so legible fashion. But, they were a cheap, useful device to make worksheets or study sheets for students.
Strangely, the word ditto has hung around. Lost it's heritage to the newer generations. They know it simply as the word that means, "me too." Or "whatever you said to me I am saying to you."
As in, "I love you." And the response is, "ditto." Somehow it is a little less than fulfilling. It's kind of like those old ditto papers......they lose something that the original had. They didn't seem fresh and nice. They seemed second best.
I know it's because I'm a work snob. Or freak. Well, no maybe not. I'm a communication freak. A communication snob. I like to see the message get transmitted and received. Back and forth. Heart to heart.
And somehow, "ditto," is less than satisfactory. Along with, "I love you." "Me too."
It was much more satisfying when my children were little and we played the game. "I love you."
"Well, I love you bunches."
"Well, I love you as much as sand on the beach."
"Yeah, well I love you more than the sky is high."
"Oh yeah, well I love you more than there are stars in all of the galaxies anywhere."
You get the idea. So, somehow after such deep and poetic dialogues of love, "ditto" falls quite short.
But, sadly, some people aren't even bothering to get out the first I love you. Say it. Say it aloud. Mean it. Not just to your sweetie pie. Not just to your kids. Tell people that they are loved. By you. That you mean it. There are lots of kinds of love. Lots of different relationships of love. We NEED love. We need to hear how much we are loved. We need to tell people that they are loved.
And when someone says they love you, you don't have to say it back. But you can. Or you can say nothing. There really are not requirements. But I have one little request. Give them more than a poor copy of what they just gave you. Don't just plop their own message back at them. If someone tells you that they love you, that means something. It's hard for a lot of people to get those words out. Savor it. Let it seep in. Let it mean something.
And when you want to tell them that they are loved, use your words. Make sure they get the opportunity to savor it too. To feel the joy and acceptance and glee that someone sees them and loves them. Make the effort to tell people.
Some of you are good. I get mail from Marilyn telling me that she loves me. It never fails to make me cry. Some of you give the world's best hugs and say that you love me. Warms me to my toenails. I've even known people to shout it out in public so that I'd be sure to know that I was important even in front of other people. I've had balloons that said so. Cards. Emails. But, really, frankly, "I love you, " has fallen on hard times.
Let's refresh it. Not with triteness. But with deep and meaningful ways of telling people often and creatively that we love them. We live in a world full of food and stimulation and yet starving in the thing we crave most desperately. Knowing that we are loved. I mean, maybe we know it. But we want to FEEL it. If you are a guy, just stop here because you are thinking that this is weird.
Make it a point. Go overboard. I mean, how can you really go overboard letting people you know and love that you care? Say it regularly. Tell them why. Write them letters. Or emails. Or send a flower with a little note. I'm not talking romance here at all. I am talking ALL relationships. Lucy Swindoll says to celebrate your friends. Do lots of things. Be extravagant with letting them know that you care. I am with her.
By the way,
I love you.
blessings,
rhonda

Hey Folks, It's Opening Night

Really, I hate to beat this horse or anything, but I have to ask again. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Why are you living like this is a dress rehearsal? Or just a regular rehearsal? You don't get to be 18 again and get it right the next time. There is no script. Nothing to memorize. Life is live and impromptu. If you hide in a hole when you are 45, you don't get to try what you were doing back then again at 60. You only walk through once. Each day you get once. Only once. Ever.
Why do you think my bum is getting sore in this chair and my arms are aching from all of the typing and my eyes are sore from the laying out of the dreamed about, wished for, so far only a vision book?
BECAUSE I only have TODAY!!!! Do you hear me yet? I am not sure anyone does. You don't have tomorrow. You don't have when you are retired. You don't have later on. You have NOW. Today. That's it. Everyone equally so.
You don't get to practice over and over to make yourself ready. You get to prepare as you walk through life by maturing, by having experiences, by living. Not by trying to make yourself blend in. Not by following some set of rules that is implemented to keep people from becoming the uniquely wonderful creative people that they are.
I don't care WHAT you do. What YOU do should be WHO you are. If you are a trash man, God bless you. I love that you come to my house every week. We have a large family and without you it would be awfully smelly around our house. If you are a plumber, bless you too. If you make toilets, I am really thankful for mine. If you are a seamstress, thanks for the lovely curtains. I like them. If you are a farmer, I'm loving the flour as I bake so much. And, thanks for the lovely corn in the summer. If you are a cleaning fairy, get on over, I need one. If you are a shoe maker, I have friends who keep you in business. If you are a potter, thanks for the great mugs. If you are an artist, thanks for sharing your eye for beauty. If you are a poet, I love seeing the world through your words.
You see, my friends, it's really not about which gifts or talents you have, it's about using them. Today. Not someday. If you suck at being a trash man, look for other work. It'll come eventually. You don't have to give up your job while you look, but start looking. And in your off time, start honing what you really are good at. But if you are good at what you are currently doing and being, then go with that. Quit trying to practice so that you can be like somebody else.
I am not Margaret. I was blown away when I saw the picture of Susanna. Breath gone. Amazed. Now, I could have gone home determined to become a painter. Determined to find a way. Or, I can appreciate what she does and cultivate what I do. Appreciation of another does not mean that is who YOU need to be. They already have that spot.
My friend, Cheryl, has a heart for God that inspires me each day. My friend, Deb, has the ability to say it how it is. My friend, Mrs. B., has the best way of hugging me up and praying for me, My friend, Leanne, has a way of gathering support and donations for events. My friend, Mandie, has a way of putting the truth to music......and words too. My friend, Dianne, has a way of leading people. My friend, Leslie, has a way of giving what people need. My friend, Pam, has a tender heart and an organizing manner. My friend, Deedee, has a way of bringing beauty into chaos. My son, Joe, has a way of telling his friends the truth in love. My friend, Hanna, has a way of keeping things organized. My friend, Hannah, has a way of listening. My friend, Wanda, (oh my, i just started to cry) has a way of making it stop hurting. My friend, Josanne, has a way of fighting for right. My friend, Pam, has a way of smiling and finding ways to help. My friend, Susan, has a way of making me laugh at myself. My friend, Anne, has a way of being gentle yet very strong. My friend, Jessie Bo, has a way of brightening any room in which she walks. My friend, Tricia, has a way of making people feel like they are the only one. My friend, (insert your name here), has a way of (insert what you do naturally without forcing yourself.)
I have many many more friends. These are the ones who came to mind in three minutes. They are are different. Very different. Many are encouragers. Many are challengers. Many are truth tellers. They each have their own gifts and talents to do those things. I am glad that they are not all trying to be the same. Well, sometimes they are. But I want to encourage them to be who the vast, almighty, infinitely creative God made them to be. Because they make a difference.
TODAY. It's yours. What are you doing with it. Share it. Let others help you. Quit practicing. This IS opening night.
blessings,
rhonda

Search and Rescue

I used to have a Saint Bernard. Her name was Breezy......short for her registered name of Princess Brianna. Ha. I loved that dog. She was always there. If I was afraid in the night, she would lumber around the house with me and make sure that things were ok. If I was sick, she stayed close by. She looked after the kids. Protected our other animals. Really nice dog. She was a rather small Saint Bernard....only a hundred pounds. But nobody wanted to mess with her. Her "mean" bark scared people. Ha. She was a gem who allowed kids to lay on her, a kitten to nurse on her and puppies (that weren't hers) to tug on her ears and jowls.
Having had Breezy, I can totally see how dogs like her can be trained to search and rescue people in the mountains. Their eye sight is not so good, but their sense of smell is AMAZING. In the house, with the windows closed, she would know if a wild animal was outside. And dangit, no matter the time of night or day, she wanted out to protect the premises. A little inconvenient since she couldn't really have a doggy door.......
But, we had to put Breezy down last spring. Let me rephrase, my husband had to take her in because I just couldn't do it. As is common to her breed, she had tumors. One grew to be huge. We kept her through months and months of decline. Still enjoyed her. But eventually it was time to give up my protector. I'm not sure that anyone else even knew how hard that was for me. I loved having her around. When I was alone, just the sound of her heavy breathing was comforting. And her big, heavy step going around the house in the night was reassuring. I could sleep well knowing that she was on alert.
But, life changes. And those who are the big, strong protectors have to move into being cared for and eventually even death. That is so painful. But part of life. Nobody is going to live forever. No, not even you.
But, just like Breezy and her breed, we all have a purpose. No, not a porpoise, a purpose. Not everybody gets a porpoise.
Today as I was driving along.......as all live in the car moms are prone to doing......I was pondering. What is it that keeps people from really living? From being yes people?
Is it an over-developed sense of responsibility? It's like I am living in a nation and a generation of people who live in ruts and are happy about it. Well, maybe not happy, but not willing to change.
If someone asks you if you want to try or do or learn about something, try to say yes. At least a lot of the time. If it's regarding something illegal, don't do so. But, if it's to go to a new place. Or meet new people. Or hear a new type of music. Or travel. Think on it. Don't always think of the 10 best reasons why you can't. Or won't.
You might hate it. You might love it. But, you will have lived a little bit more. You will have a few more experiences. You will touch more lives. You will grow.
Travel. Even if it's to Denver. Spend unplanned time just hanging out. You get to learn about people. Put worries aside. They don't help a bit. Put time into prayer instead. And thinking about blessings. Don't complain. It drains your energy. Don't mope. It drives people away.
What if Breezy had not been what she was created to be? What if she had spent her whole life wishing she was a guinea pig and acting like a guinea pig and moping around because she wasn't a guinea pig? It would have kept her from being the amazing, protective, strong, funny, loyal, easy going, beautiful SAINT BERNARD that she was. She was a search and rescue breed. A worker breed. She was fulfilled when doing those things. She'd keep the squirrels out of our yard. Keep the chickens in their place. Keep the kids in our yard. Keep dogs away from our little dogs. She did what she was made to do and that brought me so much joy. Now, she's gone. But I will always remember her. She did what she was created to do. Simple though it was. She was only a dog, ya know?
Too many of us are not doing what we are created to do. Our culture is becoming like one big blob of sameness.........all in the name of diversity. Go figure how that can be. I cannot figure it out.
Or, maybe I can. We all need to be rescued from the lies and deceptions of our age. Our time. Here's a clue: you can't be everything. You can't HAVE everything. But you can be everything you were made to be. You have been given all of the skills and energy and abilities and smarts and faith that you need to be you. You just haven't been given what it takes to be everyone else. So, if every day is a battle, call to the Rescuer. Let him bring you a little barrel of hope and some warmth. Rest a little. Get renewed. Then, get out there and LIVE. As you. You do know what you do well. Just as surely as you know what you don't do well.
Let me cook. Let me write. Let me ponder. Let me travel. Let me sit at the beach. Let me spend time with individuals (please not large party groups). These things are uniquely me. I crave them as much as I crave food.
Don't make me organize the cupboards. Or, heaven forbid, my closet. Ok, I can do mine, but it will be no gift to someone else if i do it for them. Not my gift. Drives me nutso. I can arrange your furniture, but you better do your own seasonal decorating because I only got Christmas put away about four days ago.
See what I mean? Some of you are going, "I live to do the dishes and clean under the couch." Good. I am glad that we are different. Go out and use your skills in your world. If you knit, go to a coffee shop with some girls and knit away.
Because once you meet the Rescuer, a funny thing happens. He doesn't send out dogs to rescue the people around you. He doesn't even go do it Himself. He uses you. Just like Jesus said He was doing the work of the Father, whatever we are, however we are, whoever we are, we are to be doing the work of the Father. Just like he made us. Sewing. Organizing. Preaching. Hugging. Painting. Camping. Hiking. Walking. Smiling. Reading. REALLY, whatever you do, whatever you are, it's ENOUGH. As long as you actually use it and quit trying to be a guinea pig when you are a Saint Bernard. Or vice versa.
blessings,
rhonda

Peace and Quiet

I don't know about you, but quiet is not the biggest part of my life. It's a little bit amusing since I crave that kind of time. I like to think. Reflect. Most of the time, by the time I get to this point of writing, I've already written it in my head and am off and going in only moments.
But, six kids, a daughter in law, a husband, two grandsons, a dog, a dozen or so chickens, a cat, and a phone mean that I really have very little of that quiet that I crave. My family really isn't that noisy, but they are living, breathing, active people who expect some interaction that is more than grunting. And generally there is some sword fight, wrestling or other contact activity, going on.
Quiet, it does not visit me much. Nor for long at a time. I do like it.
But, what I have learned is that peace and quiet have very little to do with one another.
Peace is something I have an abundance of. My home is full of peace. Even in the midst of bickering. There's a sense of well-being. There's an underlying feeling that everything is ok. It feels good. It IS good. Peace has nothing to do with the craziness of this life. It has nothing to do with how much money we have. It is not challenged by the fact that we don't always agree.
Peace is like a warm bath. It surrounds and envelopes and makes me feel warmed all the way through.
Just because you are living a wild and crazy life don't think that you have no hope of peace. Peace comes from within. It comes from knowing your purpose. From knowing that you are loved. From knowing where you are headed. From spending time with the Peace Giver.
Quiet, well, it comes from duct tape. Or velcroing the kids to the walls. Or perhaps from a little get away. But it's a little bit slippery. It's hard to hold onto. It's always gone before you are quite ready. But, just like the breath you take when you are swimming, it holds you over until the next opportunity.
blessings,
rhonda

Can't believe you said that

You know, people say it way too often to me, "I can't believe you said that." I try to keep it mostly clean. Try to be nice. Generally at least. Not so much if you hurt the people I love. Then I tend to just be blunt. But words really stick with me. How it's worded. How it sounds.
I remember a few things from over the years that still bring me a giggle.
When we first went to our church and Pastor Tom was preaching, one Sunday he was talking about human beings. And having his midwestern accent, he said it differently. My eldest looked at me and said, "what's a human bean?"
And another time, when speaking about a Biblical precept, he said, "you have to let your good overcome their evil." And my husband and I looked at each other and at the same moment said, "my good overcomes your evil." The concept of the sermon was really good. Well, I think so. This is all I can now recall.
Another time, a pastor at our church was giving an announcement about a class that was beginning for divorced people and he said "it's for those of you who are struggling or who aren't struggling but think you should be." hahahhaha. Oh my goodness. I nearly burst a socket
Then there's the time I went to a concert and one of the songs begins, "I can tell by the look on your face that you think I'm anal," and goes on later to say, "my fervent and effectual prayer for your untimely demise." Mercy, I thought the pew I was sitting in was going to fall over with the people shaking so hard.
Today I clicked onto facebook and one of my friends in a box had posted that she had eaten two bakeless cookies and licked the BOWEL. I completely lost it.
Another friend texted me about what to do with porn sausage. Snicker. Um. She meant pork.
One of my friends walked up to a guy and said "hi Dave," and he said, "it's not Dave, it's Gabe," and she said, "well, i knew it was a four letter word." HAHAHA The best part was how she slunk away.
We say all kinds of things. Both intentionally and not intentionally. And often we just can't believe we said it.
I was in college. Had moved to TX and was going to Baylor. I got involved with a group called World Hunger Relief. Very christian. Pretty conservative. I was invited to lunch at the director's house with all of the other volunteers. While there, weather moved in and the director looked out the window and shouted, "oh HELL!" I was stunned. And then he was pointing, "HELL." I was shocked. Until I looked out the window myself and saw the h-a-i-l coming down. Ah. Got it. In Texas why you hear "oh hell," it means that it's hailing and when you hear "oh hail", it means that someone is upset.
And often, we can't believe what we just heard. And maybe we shouldn't. Sometimes it's just a mistake. It's just a miscommunication. Many battles have been started over just such things. Don't allow it. Find the humor.
And if it was intentional.......well......give grace. And if it's a person that is just mean and crass then limit your time together so that you feel more comfortable if you need to. And if it someone who is just plain abusive to others then tell them why and cut off spending time together.
But what I've learned is that generally, it's a misspeak. An unintended or uninformed statement. Learn to see that. You will need lots of grace for the times you insert your foot intio your mouth, so learn to keep a shoe horn handy for your friends.
blessings,
rhonda

The Joy of Passion

I have been enjoying some things about life tremendously. I am getting to an age where I know a little bit about who I am. Maybe I could have known much earlier if I had been a whole lot more interested in who I had been created to be and a lot less interested in figuring out how to fit into the little boxes that are created by our places in life.
But, be that as it may, I am getting to know about it now. And, it's not too late. Amazingly, the timing is just right. My kids are getting to be really grownup. My purpose is morphing. Changing. And, it's ok. It's making me look at who I am.
And I have been spending a lot of time with writing. Not just blogging. Moving on to editing. Learning to lay out. Learning to publish. And there is passion in that. It's a lot of work. Very time consuming. And yet, I feel undeterred. Ever wonder why some things seem such a drag and others inspire?
It is because you were wired a certain way. Some of you are excellent at painting. Or decorating. Or public speaking. Or cleaning. Or organizing. Or counseling. Or praying. Or leading. The choices are endless. We each have many things. But for some reason we think we should be EVERYTHING. We're not. Oh, though it doesn't bring me great pleasure, I still have to clean the toilet. I still have to scrub the tub. Vaccuum the floor. But those things do not define me. Those things are not my passion.
I was created differently than you in talents and looks and skills. I was made from a one of a kind mold. Just as you were. There are innumerable combinations of gifts and talents and no two of us are exactly the same.
Trouble begins and depression sets in when we try to measure and compare ourselves against one another. It's so much more important to measure ourselves against who we are becoming in light of who we are supposed to be. It's much harder. It's difficult because we have to face who we are really. We have to look for our own place. We can't just mimic others.
It feels like a risk. I am no Hemingway. But, I still have a passion. I have messages to communicate. So, this is what I will do. I will do it as well as I can. And if it simply brings me joy in the process then that is enough. Nobody else has to believe in me. Nobody has to make my dreams come true. My dreams come true every moment that a book comes closer to being reality. With each and every little step. Not because it has been printed. Published. Sold. Made the best sellers list. None of those things are what are bringing me this joy. The joy is simply in the stepping out and doing what I was created to do.
You have those things in your life as well. I am not alone in this. The one commonality we all share is how different we are. So, my challenge to you is to find your passion. Find your vision. Find your purpose. And go for it. Without holding back. Even if the only joy you ever receive is because you took the journey.
blessings,
rhonda

pat, pat, pat

I just can't stand it. The patting to be comforted. The kind that comes with real touch is bad, but the kind that comes in the tone of voice is even worse. The worst times are when it accompanies an explanation of why you can't possibly do or accomplish what you are thinking about.
"Oh, honey, you aren't savvy enough to run a business." pat.pat. pat.
"Oh, I know that you really like to draw, but you just can't possibly make a living at that."
pat. pat. pat.
"Yes, everyone wants to be an astronaut, but that just isn't realistic." pat. pat. pat.
"Wouldn't it be nice to be an actor, but you just don't have the right look." pat. pat. pat.
"Yes, it would be nice to go into medical research, but you are no Einstein." pat. pat. pat.
"Lots of people write, but it's not realistic to think that you can write a book." pat. pat. pat.
Yuck. It's funny how people try to pat away the deepest, most painful things in our lives with real pats and try to pat away our passions and hopes and dreams with the word pats.
Grown-ups do it to kids all of the time. And to each other. "Oh, Rhonda, they are just being realistic." No, they aren't. Realistic is to find good places for a kid to take his or her passions and run with them. It's encouraging them to go as far as they can go.
I have lots of artist friends. Most of them will not be as remembered as Michaelangelo. Maybe so though. The thing is that we just don't know. But what I do know is how passionate they are about what they do.
You know, realistic is just a tether. It wasn't realistic at one point in history to think that I would be sitting here on my bed with a computer that fits on my lap that has as much memory as a computer that took up a whole building. Yet, here I am.
And, I can get on the internet on my itty bitty little phone.
Life isn't about realistic. Life is about dreams. Passions. Vision. Miracles.
In the Bible, a donkey talked. A virgin gave birth. A sea opened up into a dry highway. A man built a boat for all of the animals to live on. A woman turned to a pillar of salt. A baby survived the massive Nile in a basket made of reeds. A whole nation followed a cloud by day and a flame by night for FORTY years. Those things just aren't realistic. They are totally out of the realm of realistic.
Now, it's unrealistic to say that you are going to be a mathematician if you never study math. It is unrealistic to think that you can possibly be the best ballerina if you don't put in the time. Or the best at anything if you sit on your buns and don't take any action.
But, on the other hand, just because you aren't the best at something doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue it. If you love to dance. Do so.
If your heart dreams of creating beautiful art. Do it.
If you desire to travel the world over, go for it.
Don't let the pat. pat. pat words keep you from it. Ever.
I think maybe people do it to keep the status quo. To keep anyone from breaking free. It's amazing how we like our little ruts. Don't be afraid. Do something different. Be braver than you think you are. Because the hardest part is not going to be doing what you love. The hardest part is going to be when the people you love simply don't understand. It's going to be when they pat. pat. pat you. And you think that they are right. And you quit. And live a mundane life.
You were made unique. Be unique. Be YOU. Nobody else can be. And if you aren't, you don't know, you can't even see how different the world will be.
Your skills. Your passions. Your hopes. Your dreams. They matter. They will touch the lives around you. And you never know how what you do will spark something in someone else. Maybe something really great.
Be you. Refuse to be pat pat patted into a life of what is only realistic. You are a miracle. Let your life be one as well.
blessings,
rhonda

Grins and Giggles

I fell down on my way in the house from getting the mail today. It figures that three kids would be standing at the front door. Rushing out to help me. Brushing the snow off of my pants. Making sure my phone hadn't broken when I landed on the wrist that I was holding it in. Concerned for my well being.
Yeah. Right. Ha. If you believe that, you are sorely mistaken. No, they stood warmly and safely inside. Pointing. Laughing. Making fun. When I got close to the door, one opened it, but shut it right before I walked in. Sigh. So much for sympathy. They did try to quit laughing as I walked in the door. Kind of.
Life is full of amusing events when you have a large family. Falling down is one of them. Bike and trampoline accidents are also fun entertainment. We've had our share. You know, if it involves stitches or a trip to the ER, it is considered even more entertaining........at least after some time has passed.
I guess that the thing about a large family is that there is always something going on. It's never boring. And you can either stress about the bumps and bruises or you can get some grins and giggles.
We do love each other. We do care. Immensely.
But when we are running on a tight schedule and someone is doing something stupid, I am apt to say, if you hurt yourself I don't have time for the ER today. Or, if you kill yourself, we won't be putting money into a funeral. I know. I'm sure it's terrible. They used to say that if I died they would stuff me and keep me in the kitchen. Sigh. We are really strange. Weird.
We like to laugh. And we joke about how "no smiles are allowed here." Be serious. ha. Yeah, right.
Grins and giggles take a lot of people through an awful lot of hard times. Oh, they certainly don't replace faith and hope. Certainly I am not advocating taking them over the never changing God. But put beside that faith. Put beside the knowledge that nothing will ever come that hasn't gone through His hands first. Well, they make life more manageable. They lighten the spirit.
Grins and giggles. Have some each day.
blessings,
rhonda

Sing, Dance, Make Merry

I love my friends. My extended family. They make life so much fun. It's like having my own built in support group. But, even more than that, it's like my own party.
My friends are so FUN. They like to hang out and be silly. They like to give me a hard time. They are the kind of friends who crack up if I take a dive. If i say the wrong thing. They will tell me if a booger is blowing in and out of my nostril. Actually, they might tell me quite gleefully. If I am being ornery, I will pay for it. Who knows what might be thrown.
And the friends will even do a little "Sweatin' to the Oldies" with me. Or learn how to swing dance and not make fun of me. Ok, I take that back. They will make fun of me. But, they won't let the fact that I suck at dancing matter an iota in our friendship.
And when they dress better than I do........they don't hold that against me either. They pretend that it's not embarrassing. Ok, it's not that bad. But I do like to be comfortable. Stylish would be good too.
And they are the kid of friends who can sit around and sing stupid old songs. Or humns. Or worship songs. Or be silent.
The kind of friends that it's ok just to be a person. I doj't have to meet some criteria. Neither do they.
Don't get me wrong, we can be deep together. We have lots of life's experiences when you put us all together. It's just that life together doesn't always have to be heavy. It can be enjoyable. Pleasant. You know, it can even just be fun. It's ok not to dwell on all of the troubles. Each day has some but why focus on them when each day has so much BEAUTY, LAUGHTER, LOVE, SUNSHINE, FLOWERS, MUSIC, PEOPLE and WARMTH to focus on instead.
Look around you. I bet you have a group of friends too. Are you lifting each other to higher places? Laughing regularly? Are you being comfortable and real?
If not, work at it. Lighten up a little if you need to. Everything is not serious.
Sing. Dance. Make Merry. Oh, and eat really good food. Eating food is always a part of friendship.
Life goes by quickly. Make memories.
blessings,
rhonda

Instruction

It's kind of funny in a weird, not a haha, kind of way. Somewhere in our culture, instruction has become perceived as bad. Children feel as if they get to make their own decisions. Get to choose their bedtime. Whether to take a bath. Whether to eat. Whether to sit at the table with the family. Whether to speak kindly. Whether to go to school. Whether to come home at a decent hour. Whether to do homework. Whether to help an older neighbor with the groceries. Whether to help clean out the garage. Whether to keep up with the dishes or cleaning responsibilities.
Instruction has fallen on bad times. Instruction is not punishment. Instruction is teaching. It is guiding. It is showing how to live. Instruction is what the Proverbs are. "If you live in this way, this is what will most likely happen, but if you choose to live another way, this is probably what will happen instead." It is guidance from someone who has gone before. Someone who has lived a little bit more.
Instruction used to come from Sunday School Teachers, teachers, pastors, elderly people in the neighborhood, aunts, uncles, grandparents, a boss at work AND parents. Now, even parents seem to question their role in instructing. Children need instruction. WE need instruction. The Bible even says that God reproves us BECAUSE He loves us. If we love the kids of our world, we will take the time to give instruction.
They deserve us to explain how the world works. If you don't do a job, you get fired. If you are disprespectful, you get fired. If you don't show up, you get fired. The grown up world hasn't changed much. It is still not very forgiving if you don't achieve a certain level of maturity. The idea that it's someone else's fault because they didn't get you up to go to work is not going to fly.
But parents and the adults in children's lives today are allowing them to grow up in "freedom".
Too much freedom imprisons them. It makes them unable to grow up and fly in the world that they are going to have to live in.
Kids haven't changed much. Same story as ever. "If you loved me, you'd let me........." "John and Pete are going, why won't you let me go?" "I was going to do that, but I forgot."
The problem is that the ADULTS have changed. In school, we never ever would have talked back in the middle of class. It simply wasn't done. Now, it's expected. They make crass jokes and make fun of the teachers. And the teachers? They LAUGH. AAAAaaaarrrrrgggghhh. This DOES NOT help my children in the future.
Adults now seem to have reversed the norm. They crave the acceptance and approval of the children. The children used to crave the respect and approval of the adults. We have made it upside down.
It's killing our kids. Literally. Killing their future hopes. Killing their work ethic. Killing their ability to show empathy. Killing their motivation to DO anything anyone says. Killing them by forcing them to look in the wrong places to find someone or something to respect and look up to.
Our job is not to be pals of the youngsters in our lives. That doesn't mean we should be jerks either. But we should be honest. We should be truthful. We should instruct. We should let them and encourage them to experiences so that they can succeed.........and fail. And we shouldn't take credit for either. But we should be there to explain to them why they succeeded or why they failed.
We should direct.
And, as parents, when children fail to take instruction, we should discipline. Help them get back on the path. Just like you held their bikes upright and kept them from going into the ditch when they were learning to ride a bike, you have to teach them how to walk through life. It's your job. Even when it makes you unpopular. Even when you have to follow through five hundred times. Even when you are weary.
And those of you who aren't their parents, even though our culture says it isn't any of your business, I disagree. I disagree wholeheartedly. The kids need 20 people or more in their lives helping them, loving them, instructing, leading, guiding, praying for, being there for, teaching them skills.
Don't let instruction go out of vogue because some people behave as if it's abusive. Unfair. Unkind.
What is unkind is letting a child of any age practically beg for the instruction by blowing off adults. Getting more and more wild. More and more rebellious. They keep looking for someone who will say, "this is the way, walk in it." And mean it. And steer when they are not quite ready yet. And run behind holding on. And then letting go. And then picking them up when they fall. And then putting them back on and starting the process all over again. They NEED it like they need breath.
Don't let them down. Meet their unspoken need. Even when it makes you unpopular. Give kids instruction. Share wisdom. Share love. Guide. Otherwise, to them, though they act as if they like making their own way, they really feel like you have given up on them.
blessings,
rhonda

Like Mother Like Daughter

It is in the strangest times of life that you realize how much a child is like their parent. Tonight, a friend's daughter was ill. REALLY ill. Yes, you got it, she succumbed to the aforementioned tummy virus. I have a lot of compassion. I really do.
It's a horrible bug. I never stay in bed for days. I always know who is picking up my kids. And I realized tonight that I didn't even remember who picked up my kids from school when I was sick. It was my good friend, Deb...........Anna reminded me........but it wasn't me who arranged it. That's sick for me.
And this young lady came down with her bug in the middle of the Super Bowl. Something about a disco light and dancing through her over the edge. I can imagine. No virus and the disco light would give me a headache that might involve hurling. But, poor thing was about 30 minutes from home. Her mom and I didn't remember the way to the house. Called and got directions. Arrived. Dragged her to the car where a pan and blankie and paper towels were waiting. She got in. She moaned. She hurt. She was ssssoooo sick. She wanted something to make it stop. She was panicked knowing that there was nothing to do about it. And the way she talked was so much like her mom. I found it amazing. Love them both dearly. They weren't wimpy or overly complaining. It was just so similar how they responded to the horrific bug. But I thought it was just me. Until I got in my car with my daughter to go home and she said, "oh my gosh, she looked just like her mom did when she got sick....". Maybe the similarity is that they both had to be driven from somewhere while already violently ill. That's traumatic. But mostly, I think it's that they are both very strong women who are tenderhearted.
It's when the hard times of life come that we know what we have taught our children. How to stand. How to persevere. How to trust. How to hope. How to lean on the ONE who can carry them. (no, mom, it's NOT you. it never really was. you were just a vessel to help them along to the One who made them.) When everything is painful. When they are sick. When they are disappointed. Then you see who those kids really are.
This young lady is quite wonderful. Scared for what she had to face, but able to gather information....."is there anything you can give me that will help?" "nope, it just has to run it's course." And though that is tough news to hear when you are young, she handled it. She got settled on the bathroom floor, swaddled in blankets, draped around the pan as all of us who have succumbed have done. She rested while she could. But, she'll have a long night. Then, blessedly, she'll sleep for a couple of days.
But I realized how much character shows in these moments. When there's a struggle. And I realized how desperately I want to prepare my children for those times. But, I also realized that most of what they have learned has nothing to do with what I have willfully taught. It is what they have observed. Rather scary, really. Sometimes I so desperately wish that the "do what I say not what I do, " would work. But there's no hope for it. Who I am is much more important than what I tell them.
Not saying don't talk to your kids. (sorry, kids, I know you were hoping that I would quit talking to you so much.......) I am just pointing out that most of who they are is from what they have learned from you by experience.
Look closely at what you see when they are in a crisis. If you don't like their default mode, check your own out. It might be very similar. Shutting down. Yelling. Stressing. Obsessing. Coping. Worrying. Praying. Bullying. Blowing it off. Having a meltdown. Talking it out. And, if you have cultivated bad habits, talk to them about it. Let them know that you are sorry. Let them know that what you see is not what you hope for them or for you. Commit to making changes. If you have good habits, point those out too. Let them know what is good about those coping skills.
This part is important because they are going to look for spouses one day and it's important to recognize how people cope. To understand what their mode of operation is. To understand their default behavior.
Talk about all of that. Label behaviors. Talk about your own behaviors. Talk about your own friendships and relationships and how you do well and not so well. Teach them that it's a process. Evaluate. Help them to learn. Learn yourself.
Because, like it or not, we do become those who went before us in many ways.
Don't get me wrong, if people are abused, they are not destined to be abusers. But new behaviors have to be intentionally learned. For all of us. Change requires intention, not just good thoughts.
Yep, like mother like daughter. I heard the mama in the child tonight. And I was proud. Because there's a lot of strength there. They know how to live. They know where to turn when they hurt. They know how to ask for help. They have good habits.
Cultivate your own.....
blessings,
rhonda

I Gave Everything

In life there are times when it is just not fair. Relationships are often this way. How many people I've seen.......how many times I've been one of them......where things just don't work out how you wish.
The world is full of broken relationships. But most of them don't affect us so much. Many were just people who walked in and walked out in one breath. Leaving little lasting impact. But, some of them are the kind to whom we have given all that we are. From the depths of our hearts. Meaning for it to last for all of our lives.
That's the hardest part.........the expectation of forever shattered. Oh, yes failed marriages fit this criteria. But so do parental relationships. Child relationships. Sibling relationships. And friend relationships.
It is the idea that you put all of your trust, all of your hopes, dreams and feelings out there. That you gave who you were and it wasn't enough. It was..........sigh....... rejected. It cuts deeply. It wounds. It scars. Not just innocuous people out there. Me. You.
Each of us have been in relationships where it feels like "I have given everything," but it wasn't enough. I was not accepted. I was pushed away. He left. She gave up. They used me. It turns out that I was scammed. I was unappreciated. I was mistaken. She was fake. He was charming but shallow. I was conned.
And the pain is huge. It throws us into mistrust. It makes us feel badly about who we are. It makes us wonder what is wrong with us. It causes us to pull away from people who have done nothing bad to us.
It's a relationship hurricane. The results are long and lasting. It takes a lot of time to rebuild.
I mean, it's ok when we disagree with friends. It's ok when time goes by and a friendship just kind of peters out. That happens. It's ok when people move away and things change.
But the rejection of someone throwing in our face that we are not enough. That we displease them. That it was all a show. All a play. All to use for their own benefit. That's painful.
I have some relationships like that. Don't really understand to this day.
But I have made some choices in these relationships. Or, lack of relationships. First, I call it what it is. It is wrong. Is is hurtful. It is unkind. It is not what anyone deserves. Even me. Even though I am a pain in the butt sometimes. Ok, I know, many times. It is not my fault. I may share responsibility, but I do not cause someone to make such decisions. They are responsible for their own decisions. They are responsible for their own actions.
Then, I choose to forgive. I choose to let them go and live their lives. I wish them well. I hope the best for them.
But I don't sit pining and thinking that they will change their minds. They probably won't. I don't assume they will change though I keep believing that they can and hoping that they will so that they will have future good relationships.
I don't listen to people who tell me that forgiveness means restorations of what was. I am not in control on the restoration but only in my forgiving. And believe me, that is all I can handle since it is a daily, moment by moment, all of the time process.
But in all of this is healing. There is growth. And there is the ability to go on to new relationships and give everything again. I am not just talking of intimate relationships. I'm speaking of friends, family, all of the people who are on the "inside" of our lives. I'm talking about being able to not go hide in a cave and wait life out because I was so hurt by someone.
And I have been. Trust me. I won't go into it all right now, but I know this pain very personally. I know what rejection feels like. I know what it feels like to be lied about. I know how it feels when people who are supposed to care just don't. Who fake it for a long time. Who make empty promises. Which I believed. I wanted to believe. In every case, I needed to believe. I wanted to be kind.........even........you know, even when there's that inkling that it's not what you wish it was.
But the thing is this. For me, I have a maker. He knows me. Inside out. And He builds me up. He fills me up. He makes me heal. He binds up my owies. He shows me the way to walk when I am too hurt to open my eyes. He carries me. I can give everything when it's time because He has already given everything to me. And His love and compassion and mercy never ends. He can fill me up moment by moment. So that I can LIVE. Live free. Live fully. Live courageously.
I hope you know Him. If not, I hope you get to know Him. He has made all of the difference. He is still about making me new. Making me understand. But, what I love, is that He never gives up. Never changes. Never is so disappointed in me that He walks away.
blessings,
rhonda

The Haves and the Have Nots

Today I had an hour to spare before picking a friend up from a haircut. Being typical me, I never view this as a waste of time or that I must accomplish something with my hour. Don't tell my husband......he likes to fit as much into a day as possible. I rarely go to the McDonalds, but my tummy was rumbly and they have a dollar menu and I didn't have much coinage.
So, it was a nice time. I waited about 15 or so minutes for my food. That was fine. Plenty of people to see. Then I found a secluded little booth where I could look out at the people. As I am quick to point out........I love to people watch. I don't even mean to do it. I'm just drawn to it.
So, there I was. And kitty corner to me, slouched into a corner booth, looking like he was trying to hide from the world was an elderly man nursing a cup of coffee. He may have been homeless. May have just been poor. But he appeared to have no place else to be headed to. He rarely looked around. His coffee was probably free.....I think seniors get free coffee. He could barely shuffle to the bathroom when he got up to go........still holding that coffee cup.
He was weak. He was alone. He was poor. He had only a cup of coffee.
Then, I had to hustle back to the salon to get my friend. She rarely gets her hair cut. But the place is fairly nice. So, I had to wait a few minutes for them to finish with her. I sat in the comfy chair and......you guessed it........began to people watch. This time I have to admit that I was also eavesdropping. Not intentionally, I was just hearing what people were saying right in front of me. A mom and daughter went to the counter to check out. They bought a shampoo and conditioner, had a couple of haircuts and some waxing. Oh, and a hairbrush. Their bill was $248 and some change. Flabbergasted. Stunned.
Thinking of the man at McDonalds. Seeing them. The very young daughter seemed to feel entitled. Like she hadn't received enough. They were planning their next salon visit. I would have been planning on my next platelet donation for cash or something as lucrative.
In this world there are the haves. There are the have nots. And it's not fair. I'm not even sure if it's just. It is painful actually. I am somewhere in the middle, but I am still certainly a haves. And I wonder about the things I worry about. Like that I want MORE shoes. Or better clothes. Or a nice makeover. Or a classy car. Or a housekeeper. (I confess, it is my fantasy.)
And I am pained. How shallow I am. I have clothes to wear. Machines to wash them in. Lots of food to eat. Gas to drive my kids to school in a car that I own. I have heat in my house. and lots of warm blankies. I have a computer.
And I completely miss the point sometimes. It's not that it's wrong to have things. It's just wrong not to see the poor. Wrong not to feed the hungry. Wrong not to minister to the widows and orphans. And just praying for them is not good enough.
I need to quit looking away and begin looking in my heart for why I hold back. It is wrong. Maybe I'm afraid of what it will cost if I actually see them and decide to make a difference in their lives. I can't fix poverty. But, I can make a day or a meal or a moment better. Not by throwing money at the problem but by sharing my very life.
It's a big call. But I am hearing it. I need to have my priorities straight.
How bout you? You have any things you need to straighten out?
Don't be afraid to look at the hard things. You have time to grow and change. Just be honest with yourself.
love you.
blessings,
rhonda

Winning

What is it about testosterone and winning? I live in a houseful of guys with my daughter. Ok, I should reword that........I have four sons and a husband. One son has moved off to college, so there are now only four guys in the house.
But, I kid you not, everything in our house is some kind of competition. "I'll bet I can.......before you." "How many pushups can you do?" "How much do you weigh?" The men in my home can make any activity a competition.
And, if it doesn't lend itself to competition, then you start an argument so that you can compete that way. That car was cool. No, that car is the lamest car ever. You don't know anything..........
On and on it goes.
It is wearying to this estrogen person. And to my daughter. Not that I don't like to win a game. Or at sports. It's just that I can't begin to understand how EVERYTHING can be turned into a competition.
It's all about the feeling of winning. Winning means respect. Men crave respect. I get that. It just seems so tiring.
But, the thing is.........well, can I really admit this? I think women, you know, we girls, are harder to understand. My boys fight it out. They are done. Life is good.
But the females. Oh my. We try to keep the world level. And, in case you are unaware, it is not. We try to keep relationships together. We talk about all of the issues that pertain to relationships..........especially feelings.
I think that we are much more strange to the guys than they are to us. We are very complex. It would be easy if what I did was about winning. But it's not. It's much more subtle. Much more hidden.
Women and men are different. I know. Shock. Comes as a huge surprise, doesn't it? But really, sometimes I think that we forget. We expect the other to respond as we would.
This morning my husband asked if I was coming to watch the pre Super Bowl game that he plays in at church. It's cold out. I am going shopping. And perhaps to coffee. I said probably not.
He said, "but it'll be so much fun." And I said, "yes, and then you can come and watch me have a pedicure." "Oh, not so fun." "Precisely."
He loves to be active. Loves sports........doing, not so much watching. Loves chores. Loves a work list. It's the winning feeling. It gives him the high that I get when I've communicated.
I'd rather not be out in the cold throwing around a ball. And pushing my friends. But I appreciate what these things do for him. They feed a need. It is how he is wired.
My boys too. From very young they begin to want the respect of being the winner. It's not easy to be the small boy in a houseful of guys. Because they don't let you win. You always lose. I guess it builds character?
Differences are good. Healthy. Unless we try to make the other gender behave like our gender. It just doesn't work. Don't get me wrong. Lots of women play sports. Lots of guys cook and design. But the basic internal drive is different. We women want love. The men want respect. Just how it is. Do they like that we love them? Sure. But, even the boys, really crave to be shown respect. Haven't you ever noticed that early on the boys start with, "look at me, mom, look what i am doing........?" My girl, not so much.
But it's important to recognize that there are differences. As the old saying goes, "a man will play at love to get sex and a woman will play at sex to get love."
I want respect. But not in the same way. I crave love and security. And when I feel that way now, I try to remember that that's how my men feel about respect. And I look for ways to affirm them.
Celebrate being different. Enjoy it. Embrace it.
And get away now and then with the girls to embrace your sanity.
blessings,
rhonda

Healing

It has been a blessing that Kielan has had a place to go to. That his mom had a place to turn when things were so dangerous for him.
And he is a good guy. He is trying to make a go of it. He has worked hard. But, it's more than hard work. It's the peeling away of layers of habits and desires. It is a lot of effort. And it's scary. Really scary.
It reminds me of burn patients. The only way to heal them is to scrape and peel off the dead, burned tissue.........revealing the tender tissue underneath. I've heard that the pain is excrutiating.
But it's the only way to get well. That old, dead tissue will allow the good tissue to get infected underneath. It will kill the body. So, the process, though painful, is necessary.
So it is with Kielan. So it is with all of us. He has to learn not to blow off what is important and how to walk away from things that are dangerous. Don't we all? Isn't he just like all of us are to varying degrees?
Healing is hard. It is demanding. It requires commitment. When we are children, our parents can decide what we will be committed to. Like Kielan's mama did for him. She put him in an environment where they can help get back to good and real living. But, he still has a choice. He can spend his time faking. He can spend it hiding in a corner. He can spend the time feeling sorry for himself. He can spend the time blaming everyone else. He can spend it plotting what he will do when he gets out. He can spend time figuring out how to escape. Or. Yes, there's an or. Or, he can spend the time allowing himself to heal. He can spend the time accepting love. He can spend the time getting real. He can take responsibility. It will require his choosing.
As adults we don't have people to MAKE us go somewhere. But, we do have friends and people who might say we need help. We need to listen. And then we need to make choices. Who to hang out with. What to do when we are depressed. How to think about things. How to take responsibility for our actions.
Kielan is a amazing because he's always seen what people need. He failed to see what he needed, but aren't we all a little blind when it comes to seeing ourselves? He is having to be incredibly courageous. It hurts to heal. It is painful to peel off the protective coatings from being burned. It is hard to be that vulnerable.
My hope is that we will show as much courage in life. I saw a kid yesterday. His thumbs through the slits in the wrists of his black, oversized hoodie. His backpack slung low. His jeans skinny. Shoes that looked too big. Walking alone. Looking even more alone. His eyes were sad. His face bore no joy of the weekend. And I wondered if we really see people.
Have we gotten so involved in our own selves that we just don't care anymore?
If you do care. Do something. Help people heal. Let them help you heal. Because that's the other thing about a burn unit...........the patients don't take off the dead skin by themselves. Loving people with the right tools come faithfully and regularly and lovingly to get the job done.
Let's be healers. First we have to see the people who are burned. Then we have to suck it up and help. It isn't pretty. They will scream. In pain. And at us. (ever been to watch a hard birth?) They will say ugly things. They will try to push us away. And we will bind their wounds.
And cry. And hope. And painstakingly do what we came to do.
And eventually, healing will come. But all healing takes time. It is the nature of our bodies. And our minds. And our emotions. We can't just want it, we have to live through the healing process. And that's hard. We like instant gratification. "I was willing, so that should be good enough". Follow through is without a doubt the hardest thing to do in life.
Listen when people try to help. Allow the layers to be stripped away. But don't think that because you are willing that it will be painless. But, it will be worth it. And, don't forget to do the same for others.
blessings,
rhonda

Laugh til you Drop

Oh my gosh. I have a friend who sends me acronyms. She makes me laugh every day. I love it. But the thing is that she doesn't even seem to try. She is just contagiously fun. And she doesn't even live here!! And she hasn't had an easy life. A really NOT easy life as a matter of fact.
But she makes really good choices. She looks for truth. She looks for good. She pursues activities that interest her. She lives flambouyantly and with exuberance. She was, in a former life, even a real clown. She amazes me.
Her ability to laugh and enjoy inspires me. I mean, what is a day without some laughter. I mean, real, genuine, falling down laughter? How long has it been? There are a lot of things you can do without, like a Starbucks.........but laughter, not so much. You need it. It releases endorphines. It heals hurts. It makes you see the world differently.
Do you have friends who know how to laugh? Or, are all of your friends sticks in the mud? If so, cultivate some new ones. Learn how to laugh. Then teach your current friends.:)
Go to a comedy club. Listen to an elementary schooler tell jokes. Tell remember when stories about yourself or the kids. They are good for many retellings. You will laugh harder each time.
But the thing is that you can't rush. People in a rush don't have time to laugh. They get so busy being busy that they miss life.
Life is full of laughter and sadness. All mixed up. If you get going too fast you miss it. If you quit going, you miss it too. You can't grow stagnate in the past. You need to keep making new stories.
If you are alive today, you have a life to live. So get on with living it. Hard. Good. However it is. Live it with exuberance. My friend does and it makes a huge difference not only in her life, but in mine as well.
Love ya,
blessings,
rhonda

Sassy

A few years into my marriage my father in law asked my husband if I was still "sassy". I'm not sure how I felt about that, but I don't think that I was offended as I probably was supposed to be. I was actually a little proud.
It's perky sounding. I like it. A lot. I guess that I am an oddball.
It sounds like someone who will stand up for others. Someone who will not back down.
I find that women often feel like they should always make others happy no matter what. Hate to break the norm, but that is silly. It's plain stupid.
We are people. Different than men, yes, but not able to make all right in the world for all whom we love. But we try. Really, desperately try. Mothers are always trying to be mother of the year. Trying to be the pleasing wife. Blaming themselves for when things don't go right. And sometimes, frankly we are right.
But, I contend that we cause more damage by trying to do it all than we would if we stood up and did what we are made to do and not EVERYTHING. And I think that we need to learn that love is as much about letting go as it is holding on.
Sometimes we so get our needs met by being needed that we foster our family's dependence on us for everything. It makes us look good. Makes us feel good. And it's dangerous. Better to foster dependence on God and on learning to make their own decisions. And applauding them for doing it.
It's nicer feeling to get the kudos for having done it all. However, passing on the kudos to others, to our family members, by making them able to function without us is even better.
Sometimes being sassy is a really good thing. It means standing up and saying that how things are isn't necessarily how they should be.
Sassy is freeing.
And sometimes painful. I am not in the "in" crowd. I don't have the perfect house. I make decent but not gourmet meals. I am just me. I gave up the race a long time ago. Or maybe I never joined it. It's not easy. My kids don't get everything. And I don't let them blame me for all of their troubles. Natural consequences are ok if you are sassy but not so good if everything depends on how things LOOK. My kids know that I am not embarrassed to tell a teacher "I won't be bringing that in for..........fill in name..........because I have brought two assignments already this year and I reminded him/her to get it. Period. No argument.
Sassy is not heartless. It is playful as well as spunky. Sassy is freeing.
I know. The timid mouse mom is the one we all aspire to be. Myself included at times. Oh, and the classroom helper. And the one who hand makes costumes. And the one who never misses a game. or concert. or play. or conference. or awards ceremony. or race. or honor. The one who is always so sweet. Never raises her voice. Has a perfect house. Never has piles. of mail. of laundry. of anything. Who always knows what is in each container in the ultra clean fridge.
I'm not her. I try at times. But I am learning..........I am this one person. I am not a crowd of people. I should do what I do and do it well. And not apologize for who I am not.
Not meaning that I shouldn't grow. or change the sheets. or clean under the bed. or wash out the refrigerator drawers. even if i don't like it.
I am not able to do it all. I just have to do what is available to me each day. Writing. Encouraging. Dreaming. Hoping. Cooking. Painting. I do lots of things well. I love lots of things. But I tend to get down on myself because I don't do it ALL.
But I'm going to remind myself of that sassy girl. I'm going to remember to live free and full of life. I'm going to do well what it is that I do best.
You do the same. And enjoy. Don't keep worrying what everyone else is doing.
blessings,
rhonda

Sun Bathing

It turns out that in all of our efforts to keep our skin safe, screened, covered, we have wiped out our major source of a very important nutrient. That would be vitamin d. Oh, yes, skin cancer is worse, but the ill effects of vitamin d deficiency are becoming rampant.
Isn't that how it is with many things? We find out that something has a bad part and we focus only on that. Like the guy who got cancer from eating microwave popcorn. Remember? But he was eating more than ten bags a day........every day. He was not being wise.
Remember the lady who sued McDonald's because her hot coffee spilled in her lap when she left the drive through? And now, every cup, every place says "caution, coffee is hot." Duh. Guess they could have solved it by making all coffee lukewarm.
Back in the day, (hey, that's really fun to say.) lounging out in the sun for the day with baby oil and a bikini was the norm. And the biggest thing covering you were the cool sunglasses. Not good. But neither is no sun exposure.
Balance. Hard to find as humans. We just seem to swing back and forth. Never settling where we are the safest.
We jump from thing to thing. One side to the other. Yes, balance is a good thing. How come it's so elusive? Medical research says that 15 minutes sun exposure in morning and later afternoon is HEALTHY. Necessary. But we nixed it in our fear.
I think that fear is what keeps us from being balanced. We run so far away from what we are afraid of that we end up in something just as scary.........but we don't know to be scared because we are so relieved to be away from whatever we were running from.
Being in a NEW place is not necessarily a GOOD place. Don't confuse them. Ever.
Be wise. Look at the facts. Don't spend life running.
Be intentional in what you want. If you want hot coffee, you might get burned. But you'll also have a great cup of coffee. If you spend your morning and afternoon taking a walk in the sun you will be healthier. If you lie out in the sun at noon for a couple of hours by the pool, you will be miserable.
It comes down to choices and keeping our eyes open. Just because "everybody" does it doesn't make it best. Think. Use your mind. Ask questions. Wonder. Use your curiosity. Learn.
It's worth it. A balanced life is quite a joy.
blessings,
rhonda

Has Anybody Noticed?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the hardest fought for things, the things that are the biggest embarrassment, the most difficult times, produce the sweetest memories?
Sometimes it strikes me afresh. It was like that this morning as we were driving our big, ugly, cumbersome, pine green van. I was driving west but keeping an eye on the sunrise in my big side mirror. As it came up, I gave the announcement and all heads in the car turned and oohed and aahed. It is sort of tradition. We like sunrises and sunsets. Yes, I do have almost all boys. They like the beauty just as much as we girls. We started young. In this very same van, as a matter of fact.
I don't really like driving this van, as I've said before.........oh, I like it alright, it's just that it's a 15 passenger van and i am alone most of the day......yeah. I know. And, I know that the teens are feeling a little awkward at times when they all pile out at school or church or another event. Ah, well. Such is life.
But in the midst of this sunrise, I remembered how many memories are made in the middle of something we aren't necessarily proud of. Some of the best moments with my kids aren't when they are at those stages when they are at their best, but when they are not at their best and have an "ah ha" moment and make a really good decision. I love that. But if it weren't for the painful times, I might not appreciate it so much.
And have you ever noticed that the people who are closest to us make us the edgiest at times? And yet, it is with them that we grow and change and learn the most. Not easy, but necessary.
So I was thinking that we should walk through our lives looking for the good. We should be a people who seek the positive. The excellent. Things worthy of praise. Because just as that sunrise was beautiful and noteworthy though we were travelling along in the ugly van, many other things in life are worth noting though we are in the middle of the crud. (yes, I did change that word.)
Nobody else gets to choose what you see. Nobody else gets to define what is good in your life. You get to choose every day. It can be "oh, I hurt and can barely get out of this bed," or it can be "I am so glad that I woke up to live another day." Same day. Different perspective.
Choose wisely. And don't be a Pollyanna..........good movie, bad way to live. I'm not saying "Praise the Lord, I lost my arm." Or, "I'm so glad that my mom passed away." Those things are ludicrous. But, sadly, I've met people who talk like that. It's so............fake.
Be real. You lost your arm, but while you were at the hospital you met someone who wants to publish the book that you have wanted to publish for years. Or, your mama passed away and you are heartbroken, but in the midst of it all, it has brought you and your estranged daughter closer together.
The sunrise did not make the van any prettier. It did not make it less of an embarrassment to my kids. It did not make it run on less gas. It did not make it smaller and easier to park while I am driving around running my errands. But it brought smiles. It brought memories. It brought a new day. With new possibilities. New hope. But, we could have been so busy grumbling about our ugly van and the big ear looking mirrors that we missed it completely. That would have been a terrible shame. For it was spectacular and with me even at this moment.
I don't know what your day holds and I can't even pretend to understand the pain that some of you are going through, but I do know WHO holds your day and sends you love messages throughout it to let you know that you are cared for. It's up to you whether you open the mail or not. Just like it's up to you whether to open any gift.
Look deeper. Look for the good. With intent. and then, share it. Pass it along. Be blessed. And be a blessing.
It's really nice to be around people like this. Makes you feel like breathing. Smiling. Hoping. Makes it feel like nothing is greater than the Father's love for us. No circumstance. No pain. No ending. No disappointment.
I love that song.........when I can see your hand, i'll trust your heart.
blessings,
rhonda

Body Image

Guys know the rule. There is no way to win when the question is regarding a woman's looks or her weight. The smart ones learn early on to skirt the issue. The slower ones make jokes and tease about weight. The genius ones take the initiative and make her feel lovely.........even when they don't want anything.
When a woman asks if something makes her rear look big she is feeling insecure. It's the feeling that you'll be out in public and someone will make a comment to a friend "look at the size of that derriere, you could use it for advertising." Don't lie. Some pants don't flatter. Friends don't let friends wear the jeans with the pockets the size of a package of gum. I mean, who doesn't have big cheeks in comparison to that?
If she is feeling conscious of her belly, women do all kinds of things. Bigger shirts. Longer shirts. Dresses. Loose clothes. Tighter clothes. It's like the never ending battle to feel at peace with the fact that you are no longer in your 20's. But, then, who wants to be? I've given birth to five, big, healthy children. I am not skinny. Ah. But then there are those women. You know the ones.....in their fifties after having had a dozen kids and they are buff and look 35. Sigh. They just make the rest of us look bad.
And then the tragedy occurs. Those once firm places become dangly and rather squishy. It's like everything droops some. I've heard that those upper arms will firm right up in less than a month. But then, who would the kids laugh at when we wave good bye?
Body image is difficult in middle age. But that's not what's disturbing me. What disturbs me is how worried children are about their looks. Their weight. Their beauty factor. It's sad. Every little girl should get to be a princess and FEEL like a princess when she is young. Some are large. Some are small. Some are endowed. Some are flat chested until.......well, until forever. But they should have a time in life where they are free from the pain of wondering how they measure up.
I love seeing Eastern Europeans at pools and places. Body image is so different. I've seen really large women in bikinis. Laughing. Having fun. Not hiding in a towel. Not hiding at all. I wish it were so in our country.
I really wish that we would get past the super model mentality. Not just for my kinda flabby body's sake, but mostly for the sake of our kids. They need to be HEALTHY, not skinny. not pretty. not handsome. They need to be full of character. They need to be wise. The need to exercise for their health and lifestyle, not so that they will have a more acceptable dress size.
I love the variety of looks in the world. Body sizes and body shapes and body looks. I love how people smile differently. Love how they choose different hairstyles. Love the different colors. But I mostly love it when they walk and live confidently.
We live in a culture where telling someone they look good is immediately followed by the response of how bad they look, how they've gained a few pounds or some other rubbish. Hardly anyone says, "why, thank you. I'm feeling good too."
Come on ladies, let's start a new trend. Let's choose to be comfortable in the bodies we are given. Thick hair. Thin hair. No hair. Smooth. Wrinkled. Gray. Colored. Natural. Skinny. Emaciated. Pudgy. Chubby. Jiggly. Let's be the ones who teach the next generation what life is REALLY about. It's not about how you look. It's not about what you wear. It's not about what the scale says. It's about WHO you are and what you DO with it. It's about lives that you touch. It's about being a good friend.
Really, all of the time at the gym or in front of the mirror is fine.......as long as you remember who you are and what you really mean in the world. Your purpose is not to be a knick knack. It's so much more than that. And frankly, obsessing over how you look and about all of your flaws just make people who REALLY have big flaws, uncomfortable. Change your focus. You can still look good. Or not. Just remember whose you are. And look for whom you can serve.
blessings,
rhonda