When Did It Happen

I don't know when it happened, but I have a sneaking suspicion that's it has been sneaking around following me for a long time. And now, here it is........I am classified as middle aged. HA. Middle of what??? How can that be? I am still so immature. So waiting to grow up. But kids look at me now and think how old I am. Sigh.
But I still drive by the lake at the water treatment plant and notice the hundreds of geese out there on the ice and wonder how it is that people can't swim in there or use live bait because it contaminates the water. But the geese poop in the water. Lots of geese. Hmmm.......and my mind pondered this for a good five minutes.
And then, there's the fact that I still can't sit in church or a meeting in the back and not be distracted by all of the people and things going on between me and the speaker. I thought that middle aged people had outgrown that.
And I am easily amused. Lucky for my husband. Because I actually think it's funny when he makes up silly verses to songs. Like "who is that in yonder stall? i see his feet, but that is all......." He also has a real knack with country western lyrics.
And I still like to kick a rock when I walk. And play with sidewalk chalk. And swing. I still like photo booths.
I mean, how can these things compute as middle aged? I saw middle aged people. They had it together. Their homes were organized. Their schedules full of useful activities. I'm still just me. I look in the mirror and I still see the kid.
You know what I mean? The kid who has doubts and questions. The kid who wonders. The kid who really wants to believe that life is not too hard. But the kid is getting a little wrinkly. A little gray. The "kid" is having trouble reading with her glasses on. Good news, it makes seeing in the mirror a little tricky too.
I guess that coming as a child......having faith like a child........it is at the core of who we are. Not childish. But as a child. With wonder. With questions. With hope. With trust. So, I guess it's not such a bad place to be. Though a little bit disappointing since I thought that I would have it all together. And the older I'm getting the more clearly I'm seeing that nobody has it all together. Nobody has the perfect life. Life is messy. Complicated. And deeply satisfying. Engage fully. Enjoy it. Even in the pain. Learn. Question. Wonder. LIVE.
love ya.
blessings,
rhonda

the splinter

A couple of weeks ago, while cleaning out the garage, I got a splinter. You know, the kind that's from polyurethane.........it killed. Took my breath away. But I squeezed and got out the little offending piece and was so relieved to be able to work without it rubbing on everything. But, strangely, later in the night the finger began to throb. I put on some antibiotic cream and a bandaid and went to bed. The next morning, the spot was red and pussy. And it HURT. A lot. And I saw another little piece of splinter. So, I squeezed it. OUCH. And out it popped. But it wasn't a little piece, it was over 1/4 inch long!!! I was stunned. And, relieved, of course. The pain was gone. RELIEF. Did I mention that this was quite awhile ago?
Today I was painting in my house. Pretty chocolate brown, in case you care. (Looks awesome, btw.) Finally, I was so tired, so sore and so messy that I decided a nice, long hot bath was in order. I have the greatest soaker tub ever. My nails were a mess. I had to dig the pretty chocolate color out from under my nails. And I noticed....a splinter!!! In the same place!!!! Being in the tub, I got it right out. It was rather calloused around it. I hadn't even noticed it. It's gone now. I think.
The whole experience got me thinking how easy it is to think we are done with dealing with a weakness or a pain......when in reality, it is still there and just hidden. In some cases it causes pain. In other cases it causes callouses. But the thing is that we have to be aware that it effects us. That it changes us. That sometimes it hurts us. And you never know when it will show up again. You just never know. But you don't have to freak out. You don't have to be worried. It will eventually be done. Be brave. Leave it behind. But don't just leave it in there when it rises to the surface. You'll be miserable longer.
blessings,
rhonda

Day is Done

Whew. Some days the best thing is that they simply, finally, painfully, come to an end. And that's ok. You know, not all days are "good" as in easy or pleasurable. But all days can be used for good. All days can teach good. All experiences can grow me up. Don't ask my husband. Cuz he is patiently waiting for this day to end too. Because his wife is grouchy. And he can't fix it. The last thing I want is to be fixed. I just want to figure out what I can learn from today and go on.
What about you? Was it an awesomely wonderful day? What did you learn? Did you grow? Did you live fully engaged? I hope so.
And whatever tomorrow brings, remember, you don't walk alone. You are carried. Circumstances are what they are. Only you are what changes.
blessings,
from a fellow walker

Christmas cont.

Lest you were left in tears and wondering about my very difficult day of lights and total despair with decorating.......here is a follow-up.
First, I finally just didn't try so much. Planned. Waited to go get my kids. Went and got the darlings. Told my current at home eldest about my light woes. He laughed. Commiserated about the flashing lights.........he doesn't like them either.
But the ride home.......oh my goodness. My eldest was arguing with the youngest about who should carry the saxophone. The middle two arguing about a chapstick and who it belonged to. And other equally important arguments continued. We pulled in the drive. The doors opened and I began loudly praying for my children.......they laughed and continued arguing......sigh. As we walked into the house I said "I'm going to have another baby because maybe I can raise this one better." Without a pause, my most middle child says, "it's about time, but it won't be better because we'll be here to teach it." Sigh. Again.
But, we arrived in the house and found the offending "flasher" bulb. That fixed, I headed out to find icicle tinsel. Who knew that it was so rare? Besides, getting away was a good thing. Gave directions for beginning tree decorating. Four stores later, four boxes of tinsel in hand and the precious candy canes and I arrived home to a home where the kids had done as I asked, had loaded the back porch up with wood for the coming cold night and had the lasagna in the oven.
Anna and I spent time putting the tinsel, mercury beads and candy canes on the tree. In the dark with just the lights of the tree on. And it's so pretty.
The arguing has ceased. Not the kidness......just the pettiness. The tree is good. Very good. It wasn't the same without Joe. Anna cried too. But life moves on. And good comes. Even in the midst of pain. Pretty trees still occur. How I'll do it when it's no kids, I have no idea, but I don't have to worry about that just yet.
So, I made it through the day without any profanity. With an abundance of tears. And lots of kid love. They are good for me.
Regarding the baby..........that was sarcasm.
blessings,
rhonda

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Ok, it really looks a lot more like Christmas threw up. Remnants of this and that all over. But the lights are on the tree. You'd think I'd be working feverishly, but I'm hungry and disheartened. I am not so good at the whole vignette make it cute thing. It is pretty pathetic. Some women are so good at making their homes look good at every season.
Now, I like to move furniture. Paint it. Give me some great lawn furniture and I rock at making it fun. But this is so stinking hard. Somehow it loses it's appeal when it's so stressful. I wish that there were Christmas elves.......you know you would contact the North Pole in November and schedule a night to be away from home and when you got back the lights would be up and the pretties would not only be found, but displayed as elegantly as the most beautiful stores.
Perhaps it is also that I now am used to having so many different things to work with and this year I don't. I do get these moments of inspiration. But hey, I don't have tulle right here. Don't have the red and white ticking. I put lights on my tree that are pretty.......except at the bottom, somehow they suddenly started blinking. Did I mention that I'm not such a fan of blinking lights? But the bottom line is that this is something my college son and I have done together for many years. He has the patience and the savvy to make it look great. And so, on top of just feeling like I am the worst homemaker, I miss my kid. How good it is for him to be in college, to be flying and growing.......good for him, not so great for me.
Let's see, now what do I do with all of the stuff that is getting replaced by the Christmas stuff??? hmmm. Pack it in the boxes that the Christmas stuff came out of? Maybe so.
Christmas is a very good time. I love the season. But I also experience more deeply all losses, all pain..........I think that the season brings high emotions. High expectations, certainly. So, I will go back and see what I can do to make things prettier for my family. I do love them. Do love Christmas. Just have a hard time making the house feel right. And did I mention that I would rather be painting my family room. But not so much by myself. So, maybe when the boys get home.........tomorrow, since TODAY is the day to decorate and listen to Christmas music. That part, the music part, I am good at.:)
Funny how as women, moms, wives, we think that we should have all of the gifts. What a shock it is to grow up and find that the weaknesses that we always had are still with us. Well, at least I don't just hang pictures randomly on the wall because the previous owners left a nail there anymore. That's progress. By the time I'm 90...........
blessings.

Wishing

Wishing is a good thing. And dreaming. They are all tied up in hope and faith. But sometimes, I think that we get so busy being wrapped up in how something could be in our mind that we fail to see what really is. I've seen lots of young people do this in relationships. You know, we call it being in love with love.
But I see us continuing it into adulthood. Not just with bf/gf, but in relationships in general. We want certain things to be true and so we look for those things in those friendships or relationships and when we get a glimpse of them, we hold onto that, even if every other indicator says that the relationship is not what we think it is.
I often talk about friendships and sticking to it and holding on. Today is more about knowing when it's not really a friendship. Sometimes we get involved in relationships that meet needs or a time of life. Sometimes we like someone so much (yes, just like in junior high) that we stick around because we like being with them though they don't really, if we are really really brutally honest, like us back. Some people like what we do for THEM. Some people, we like what they do for US. Though these things can make a friendship to a degree, they are not give and take. They are not real.
There are some hard litmus tests to do to see what kind of friendship you are in. I have read about them in various books over the years, but really, have never given them much thought. They seem too hard. But, perhaps it is wiser to know what kind of relationship you are in instead of living in wishes. Though wishes are good and sometimes get you to what you actually want.
Here goes:
If you do all or most of the connecting, the friendship is probably convenient for the other, but not what it is for you.
If when you get phone calls it's generally regarding a need or something they want done, not seeing how you are or just wanting to be with you....same as above.
If you are always waiting for the other person to answer if they want to do something with you, they probably don't.
If you do the calling, the visiting, the inviting, the asking, the relational stuff, probably that's a clue that they like what you do. And probably like you too, just maybe not as much as you like them.
If your other friends and family say that they use you, mistreat you...........maybe you should listen.
If you have to change who you are to be someone's friend.......and it's not to make you a better person, rethink.

As women, we want friends and relationships pretty badly. We will go to many lengths to have and maintain them. Healthy or not. If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship or two, learn how to make it better. Learn how to say what is important to you. Because the thing is that it's not someone else's responsibility to make you have what you want. You have to learn that. Sounds harsh. But the thing is that we often sit around trying to make a swan out of a goose. Or a daisy out of a dandelion. Kinda silly. Enjoy the geese, enjoy the dandelions........but don't be fooled that they are swans or daisies. Be wise. Guard your heart. Not hide it. But in being real, do a reality check in relationships now and then. Just like you go in for a physical. And learn how to get from point a to point b.......and point b to point c and point c to point d. You got it, it's a process.
SOME relationships are toxic. Yet we hold on. Be aware.........they will drain you, they will eat at you from the inside out. Negative, mean people are not the kind of people you need as your best friends. People who are in constant crisis. People who are chronically selfish. Run. Or at least be aware that it is not a two way street.
Love ya my friends.
Yep, you know who you are.
And know..........I KNOW that I don't get this friendship thing very well.
I'm learning. Along with my friends.
blessings,
rhonda

Give it all you got.

Ever wonder what you are holding back and why? I mean, saving your energy. Saving your time. Saving your good ideas. Holding off on what you might do today for another time. Why? Is it because the time isn't right? Are you afraid? Do you even know why? Could it simply be that you are used to the same old same old so you just go with that? The rut gets pretty comfy at times. But it's like that bird in a cage. It sings. It swings. It pecks at the seed. It drinks the water. Flutters from perch to perch. It exists. In a cage. Birds are supposed to fly.
So are you. YOU are supposed to rise up on wings like an eagle......not just fly but SOAR. High above the ground. Sure. Confident. Full of faith. Purposeful. Not fluttering. Clipped. Barely able to move.
You have a purpose. You were made for something. When you start second guessing and trying to please everyone in the world and try for a job and not a life........well, somewhere you lose out on who you were created to be. What I am learning is that we are given gifts, dreams, talents, desires, experiences, relationships, time, and breath itself............and the choice of how to live.
It's easy to worry. It's hard for me to just put the first coat of paint on a wall when it's a big change. But, if it's the wrong color, I can repaint it. And painting is something I like to do. Yes, I am weird. I find it relaxing. Painting furniture too. Love it. Can picture it. But at home, I agonize. And somehow in that agony, my whole self freezes. Who I am. I had that outlet at Rose Buds. I could make decisions and do things and felt free to make a mistake on the color of a dresser or a desk. That would explain the lime green desk in my family room. But the thing is that perhaps failing is better than being stagnant. Perhaps embracing life every day is more important than what is accomplished that gains us kudos or dollars.
I have found it difficult to do this lately. I don't really know why. Maybe you are there too. Kind of frozen. Wondering. Waiting. Trying to find balance again. Or grieving. Or trying to please others. Or needing affirmation or money or something so badly that you have quit seeing who you were made to be in the trying to get what is consuming.
I encourage you, and myself as well, get up each day and see who you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to do that day. One day is enough. It has been said "each day has enough trouble of it's own." It also has enough courage. Enough love. Enough provision. You don't walk alone. You are loved.
Be still. Think. Pray. Breathe. Do that which you were created to do. And see how it is at the end of the day. Maybe it will lead to an even better tomorrow. Days are kinda like that: building blocks.
blessings,
rhonda

Inconvenient

The trademark of knowing that you have good friends is knowing that you can "call them at two in the morning." Or, in other words, you have the privilege of being cared for and about even when what you want or need is inconvenient. It's not that you try to be inconvenient. It's just that in the hubbub and craziness of life, sometimes it happens that you are sick. Or sad. Or heartbroken. Or get great news. Or need therapy. Or just need. And it doesn't always happen during business hours. As a matter of fact it usually doesn't. It often happens when people are busy with other things. There are friends that you know will take your calls. Yes, even in the middle of the night.

And no, not because it's convenient. It's because in good friendships, YOU are never an inconvenience. Even when they are wiping the sleep from their eyes. Or driving to pick you up at the airport after they already settled into their sweats for the evening.

It's not easy to be this kind of friend. It takes a selflessness that is rare in our society. But it is worth it. Kids need it from adults. That things aren't always about our convenience but about our care for them. Because that feels really good. For all of us. Be this friend. Dont' just look for this friend. And remember, it's not all of your friends. And it doesn't come easily. Takes some time and nurturing. Let it happen. Enjoy the process. But make sure that you take the time to nurture this kind of relationship. It's totally worth it. You are totally worth it.
blessings,
rhonda

Here Comes Santa Claus

Well, around our house, Santa is kinda just a fun things these days. But I loved the years they believed......it was so much fun. I got no sleep whatsoever, but seeing their sweet faces in the morning made it all totally worth it. And John was the tinsel fairy. He would dance and prance and scatter around the tinsel. Fun times. And our kids would awaken at about 5:30. It was amazing.
These days things are a little more simple. We don't have to stay up so late and we tell the kids what time we can all be expected to get up.
This year is different in many ways. Everyone is growing up. The economy has changed. Oh boy, that was an understatement. I am unemployed. But today I was thinking how the main things are still the main things. My kids love this time of year. And because they do, I do even more. Their eyes still sparkle. Their excitement is still contagious. We still make a birthday cake for Jesus. Cookies. Fudge. We hang lots of candy canes on the tree. To eat. Not just to look pretty. We take forever to open our presents. We do stockings, eat breakfast and THEN we begin opening presents. It's fun. Draws it out. We eat ham. Pretty simple meal. By mid day we are enjoying our gifts and maybe a little nap. It's a nice day. If it snows, so much the better.
Things have changed. Many things. And yet, the little things are all still in place. We are relaxed around one another. We are family. I love that. Years might change. Some years we have some money, other years, not so much. But every year, we have had each other. And honestly, though some things are disappointing, at the end of this year, when it comes time to list why I've had a good year, these people will top out the list. Right under the Jesus I have the privilege to serve.
Love you guys. You all..........my family. (yes, the blood relatives and the others..........) I mean all of you.
blessings,
rhonda

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Love listening to the song. Love hearing Buddy the elf sing it. Makes me smile every time. A man trying to convince a woman that she doesn't want to leave him and go out into the cold night. And she doesn't want to leave anymore than he wants her to go. It's pretty funny.
But today, when I went outside in the six degree weather to start up the car so that my precious children could be warm on the drive to school, I was thinking of a totally different meaning of "baby it's cold outside." I was thinking about friendships. Women's friendships. They are tough things. Women need women. I mean, it is our nature to be community oriented. The whole going to the bathroom together thing is a little bit of an exaggeration, but it came from our desire to bond and know others and be known. There's the rub. When we aren't known, when we feel like we are on the outside, we are COLD. We hurt. We rub our hands together. Try to stay warm, but there is something within the heart of a woman that just feels cold.
You'd think that it's because someone was mean to us. Excluded us. Made us feel badly. But in my life, I am often on the outside because I put myself there. I feel awkward or inept. I don't know what to do and instead of communicating, I just become an outsider looking in. I feel like the old Mervyn's commercial...."open, open, open." Standing on the outside of the glass with my face plastered up to the door. And I want someone else to fix it. But nobody else can. I have to open the door and come back in.
Not that we as women can't be unwelcoming. I think that we can rule. But sometimes we are just too sensitive. We walk out the door (yes, figuratively) when things get uncomfortable. And that's too bad. One thing I have to say about men..........they are a lot easier to deal with in this realm. My boys fight and then they are done. Not so with the girls. Mercy. So much emotional baggage. I love being a woman, but I really dislike this about our relationships.
Let's face it, relationships that are deep are difficult. They don't come quickly and they don't come easily. But they don't go easily either. That's what makes them so wonderful. So hang on. Stay in. Take off your coat. Sit down. Light a fire. Have a drink. (of cocoa of course). Grab a blankie. Ask for tissue. Relax. Wait out the storm. Cuz baby, it's cold outside.
blessings.

Communication Expanded

A little addendum to communication. It is paramount to remember that no human being can possibly put to words every emotion feeling or thought. They misspeak, say it wrong, muddle through trying to share the deepest parts of their hearts.....whether it be anger, pain, happiness, joy or sadness. So, it behooves ( I love that word....my grandpa used it.:)) us to listen with grace.
Sometimes the words have to be tempered by what you know to be true.
Sometimes it sounds as if the speaker is belittling us, attacking us, being unfair........and sometimes they are.......but sometimes it is best to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to communicate something and they are going to have to come at it a few different ways.
When you care about someone, don't assume that they are being mean to you. And when you are listening to your sister chick try to tell you something hard, something that is bothering her.....maybe even about you.......well, rely on the fact that you chose this friendship and that she probably has your best in mind even if she is royally blowing it.
The bottom line is that the best of friends can talk. They don't have to keep silent. The are allowed to disagree. Sigh. I know. We have all been trained that peace means agreement. I'm a rebel. Peace does not come from agreeing but from understanding. It comes from seeing who another person is AND who she is becoming. Don't be quick to be offended by someone you trust. Try to remember that you trust them. And when you hear that they shared ABOUT you to someone else, don't be quick to be angry about that either. Most of our friends really do care. They really do try. And they really are not perfect. Are you? Thought not. So, go easy. We women can be really snotty. I used a good word when a naughty word could have said it much more succinctly. One point for me.
When communicating, especially when you are on the listening side, don't shut down when it hurts. Don't hit back. Wait. Hear it out. It might come about that the other person will finally get the words just right and that it will feel a lot better than you initally thought.
I get to say all of these things because, as all of my longtime friends know, I often speak what is in my mind. And I often can't get the words right. It takes time. And patience.
If you will stick with it, stick with those sister chicks, you will have friends for life. If you don't, you will have to turn over friends every couple of years.......because that's how long it seems to take to get comfortable to say the hard things. And it takes years after that to figure out how to make each other understand the hard things. But never fear, you can love each other through those times. Be brave. Be the first in your circle. Stand up for grace in communication. Not hiding. Not silence. Not feigning that all is well. Learn to compliment (not flatter.........flattery sucks.......it's a false compliment). Learn to encourage. Tell the friends you have regularly what you like about them. Learn to see the good stuff.......and tell it. And, then when the times come, learn to say when you are hurt. Or disappointed. Or angry. Or just really emotional and really don't know why but just need..........
Love you all. You are my heroes. Be brave.
blessings.
rhonda

Remember When

Remember when the kids were little and we were asked incessantly if we had a daycare? And how every time we went into McDonald's or a food court the lady would come with her little broom and handled dustpan and clean up WHILE we were still eating? Or the various times different children have barfed in public?
Remember when we would spend hours exploring about a fourth of the zoo? And have to stop at the first place we came to for ice creams because the kids couldn't make it more than 15 minutes in the car without falling sound asleep?
Or those days by the creek......and the lake........and the ocean. So many rivers and dams built. Swings swung on. Wading. Falling in. Laughing. Picking dandelions and blowing them. Sitting silently. Talking about nothing. And everything.
Remember the funerals? The heartbreaks?
The 50 cent days at the theater? And we spent ALL day. Checking out new malls and enjoying the playgrounds? The "new" airport that we couldn't find but we were taking the kids to see?
Many many many days at the park. Picnics. Snacks. The kids picking up other people's drinks to drink? Or eating french fries from the ground?
Mud fights? Foot painting..........that turned into the kids doing body painting?
Baking cinnamon rolls and eating ALL of them.
Remember building a brick path? With pretty flowers all around. And a bench. And lots of imagination.......until, lo and behold, it became what we imagined.
Remember all of the forts? The "clubs"? The birthday parties? We have celebrated 94 kid birthdays!!
Do you remember the scrabble games that lasted hours........just playing as we would go by the board? Or talking on instant messaging when we lived long distance.
Remember the drives from Fort Collins to Longmont?
Remember the train and the lake and the geese and the ice cream cones?
Remember going camping and only having lemonade? No water. hahahhahaha. Ooops. Brushed our teeth with lemonade. Tastes terrible with toothpaste. And do you remember that four wheel drive road that we took the van on when looking for a camping spot? With........hmmmm........how many kids?
Road trips. Long and short.
The Colorado Springs Zoo in a spring snowstorm. Remember the giraffes and their long tongues and how hard everyone laughed?
Remember the adventures?
Ski trips. Going to Sunlight and watching all of our "babies" ski better than us.
Remember swim lessons?
RMCA?
Remember dressing up at Halloween? And watching to kids put makeup on each other? Never ending up being what they started out being.
Remember making a "water park" out of the back yard playset?
Remember the talent shows that always began when the day was ending and the kids were relaxed and comfortable?
The kissing phase?
The young movie makers? And editors?
Remember how old they seemed at 8?
Remember how hard kindergarten seemed?
Remember how fun it was?
Remember photo booths? Stuffed full of as many little faces as would fit?
Remember how our activities had to be free or nearly free and yet they were always SO good?
The kids climbing out the window? Onto the roof? Into the tree? Learning to ride bikes?
Oh, I remember. And those memories have given my kids a great past and foundation for the future. But, in making those memories, I gained a friend.
Ok, it's a friend who throws mud and water and whatever else, but a true friend?
Remember?
I know all of you have memories of those you have walked with as you have lived. It's pleasurable to remember when? with them. Take a little time and remind those who are your friends how much you have enjoyed the memories......could be titled "thanks for the memories."
blessings

communication

Have you ever noticed that you can communicate with some people and not with others? Ok, for some of you I might need to reword, because you are not understanding. I have learned that communication is a two way thing. You have to speak. You have to listen. And you have to confirm that you heard what someone said.....or that they understood what you said. "I am hearing you say...is that correct?" is a good way to keep things certain.
Men and women struggle because men tend to be very basic and women tend to deal a lot with innuendo and expression. And here come the problems. It's an easy problem to solve. Women need to learn to say what they are thinking/feeling with words. Men need to learn that women pick up on all of the emotional aspects.
Most difficult of all, perhaps, are women's friendships. Because they all deal with the emotional aspects of communication, sometimes things get really really intense. And sometimes communication doesn't actually occur. Feelings get all mixed up with the words and the nuances and eventually someone is hurt. It's the weirdest thing. When we women are in this situation, it's important to stop. Listen. See if you are really hearing what you thought. Ask questions. Be blunt. Be honest. Don't pretend. Don't hide. And it will be hard. But it is really good when it happens. Communication between girlfriends. It's a sweet thing.
Communication. It's not just about talking. Nor about being in the same room. It's not about agreeing. It's about caring enough to really hear. Not just the words, but what the speaker is trying to say. And it's about letting someone know what you have heard. Sometimes it can get messy. It's easier to nod and grunt. Ask my husband. But that is unsatisfying. We all need interaction. We all need to feel like we connect. But the bottom line is that it is a risk to try to really connect.
Welcome to the adventure of communication. It's more risky that sky-diving and way more satisfying. That first jump will be terrifying. But don't despair, you'll get it.
blessings.

Loving

Most of us have down loving. We know how to forgive. We know how to feel towards others. But what I'm not sure we've figured out is how to make the people we care about KNOW and FEEL like they are loved. We fall short. What good is love if it doesn't reach into another person and give them strength and courage and the sense of "I matter deeply to someone"?
I think that the part of love that is the most important is the part where it is received, where it is realized. It's kind of like being a teacher. You can stand in front of a classroom and write on the board every day. You can say the same things over and over.......but if nobody ever learns it, you have not taught.
So it is with love. We need to figure out how to communicate it, with words, actions, touch, whatever it takes. Because kids who feel loved do better. And we are all kids. All in need of love. All in need of people who reach out to us.
But it feels like we live in a culture where it's put on each individual to FIND what they are looking for in love......to initiate it......to pursue it. But the whole thing about love is that it's a gift. And it loses its specialness if we have to make it happen or be the constant initiator or try to make sure our needs our met.
This season is particularly full of people in need of love. Real love. The kind that changes their lives. Look at the people closest to you. Look at those not at close. And with each group, make the effort to do the reaching. The good news is that maybe those who are looking at you will be doing the same.
blessings.