When Did It Happen

I don't know when it happened, but I have a sneaking suspicion that's it has been sneaking around following me for a long time. And now, here it is........I am classified as middle aged. HA. Middle of what??? How can that be? I am still so immature. So waiting to grow up. But kids look at me now and think how old I am. Sigh.
But I still drive by the lake at the water treatment plant and notice the hundreds of geese out there on the ice and wonder how it is that people can't swim in there or use live bait because it contaminates the water. But the geese poop in the water. Lots of geese. Hmmm.......and my mind pondered this for a good five minutes.
And then, there's the fact that I still can't sit in church or a meeting in the back and not be distracted by all of the people and things going on between me and the speaker. I thought that middle aged people had outgrown that.
And I am easily amused. Lucky for my husband. Because I actually think it's funny when he makes up silly verses to songs. Like "who is that in yonder stall? i see his feet, but that is all......." He also has a real knack with country western lyrics.
And I still like to kick a rock when I walk. And play with sidewalk chalk. And swing. I still like photo booths.
I mean, how can these things compute as middle aged? I saw middle aged people. They had it together. Their homes were organized. Their schedules full of useful activities. I'm still just me. I look in the mirror and I still see the kid.
You know what I mean? The kid who has doubts and questions. The kid who wonders. The kid who really wants to believe that life is not too hard. But the kid is getting a little wrinkly. A little gray. The "kid" is having trouble reading with her glasses on. Good news, it makes seeing in the mirror a little tricky too.
I guess that coming as a child......having faith like a child........it is at the core of who we are. Not childish. But as a child. With wonder. With questions. With hope. With trust. So, I guess it's not such a bad place to be. Though a little bit disappointing since I thought that I would have it all together. And the older I'm getting the more clearly I'm seeing that nobody has it all together. Nobody has the perfect life. Life is messy. Complicated. And deeply satisfying. Engage fully. Enjoy it. Even in the pain. Learn. Question. Wonder. LIVE.
love ya.
blessings,
rhonda