Communication Expanded

A little addendum to communication. It is paramount to remember that no human being can possibly put to words every emotion feeling or thought. They misspeak, say it wrong, muddle through trying to share the deepest parts of their hearts.....whether it be anger, pain, happiness, joy or sadness. So, it behooves ( I love that word....my grandpa used it.:)) us to listen with grace.
Sometimes the words have to be tempered by what you know to be true.
Sometimes it sounds as if the speaker is belittling us, attacking us, being unfair........and sometimes they are.......but sometimes it is best to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to communicate something and they are going to have to come at it a few different ways.
When you care about someone, don't assume that they are being mean to you. And when you are listening to your sister chick try to tell you something hard, something that is bothering her.....maybe even about you.......well, rely on the fact that you chose this friendship and that she probably has your best in mind even if she is royally blowing it.
The bottom line is that the best of friends can talk. They don't have to keep silent. The are allowed to disagree. Sigh. I know. We have all been trained that peace means agreement. I'm a rebel. Peace does not come from agreeing but from understanding. It comes from seeing who another person is AND who she is becoming. Don't be quick to be offended by someone you trust. Try to remember that you trust them. And when you hear that they shared ABOUT you to someone else, don't be quick to be angry about that either. Most of our friends really do care. They really do try. And they really are not perfect. Are you? Thought not. So, go easy. We women can be really snotty. I used a good word when a naughty word could have said it much more succinctly. One point for me.
When communicating, especially when you are on the listening side, don't shut down when it hurts. Don't hit back. Wait. Hear it out. It might come about that the other person will finally get the words just right and that it will feel a lot better than you initally thought.
I get to say all of these things because, as all of my longtime friends know, I often speak what is in my mind. And I often can't get the words right. It takes time. And patience.
If you will stick with it, stick with those sister chicks, you will have friends for life. If you don't, you will have to turn over friends every couple of years.......because that's how long it seems to take to get comfortable to say the hard things. And it takes years after that to figure out how to make each other understand the hard things. But never fear, you can love each other through those times. Be brave. Be the first in your circle. Stand up for grace in communication. Not hiding. Not silence. Not feigning that all is well. Learn to compliment (not flatter.........flattery sucks.......it's a false compliment). Learn to encourage. Tell the friends you have regularly what you like about them. Learn to see the good stuff.......and tell it. And, then when the times come, learn to say when you are hurt. Or disappointed. Or angry. Or just really emotional and really don't know why but just need..........
Love you all. You are my heroes. Be brave.
blessings.
rhonda