Wishing

Wishing is a good thing. And dreaming. They are all tied up in hope and faith. But sometimes, I think that we get so busy being wrapped up in how something could be in our mind that we fail to see what really is. I've seen lots of young people do this in relationships. You know, we call it being in love with love.
But I see us continuing it into adulthood. Not just with bf/gf, but in relationships in general. We want certain things to be true and so we look for those things in those friendships or relationships and when we get a glimpse of them, we hold onto that, even if every other indicator says that the relationship is not what we think it is.
I often talk about friendships and sticking to it and holding on. Today is more about knowing when it's not really a friendship. Sometimes we get involved in relationships that meet needs or a time of life. Sometimes we like someone so much (yes, just like in junior high) that we stick around because we like being with them though they don't really, if we are really really brutally honest, like us back. Some people like what we do for THEM. Some people, we like what they do for US. Though these things can make a friendship to a degree, they are not give and take. They are not real.
There are some hard litmus tests to do to see what kind of friendship you are in. I have read about them in various books over the years, but really, have never given them much thought. They seem too hard. But, perhaps it is wiser to know what kind of relationship you are in instead of living in wishes. Though wishes are good and sometimes get you to what you actually want.
Here goes:
If you do all or most of the connecting, the friendship is probably convenient for the other, but not what it is for you.
If when you get phone calls it's generally regarding a need or something they want done, not seeing how you are or just wanting to be with you....same as above.
If you are always waiting for the other person to answer if they want to do something with you, they probably don't.
If you do the calling, the visiting, the inviting, the asking, the relational stuff, probably that's a clue that they like what you do. And probably like you too, just maybe not as much as you like them.
If your other friends and family say that they use you, mistreat you...........maybe you should listen.
If you have to change who you are to be someone's friend.......and it's not to make you a better person, rethink.

As women, we want friends and relationships pretty badly. We will go to many lengths to have and maintain them. Healthy or not. If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship or two, learn how to make it better. Learn how to say what is important to you. Because the thing is that it's not someone else's responsibility to make you have what you want. You have to learn that. Sounds harsh. But the thing is that we often sit around trying to make a swan out of a goose. Or a daisy out of a dandelion. Kinda silly. Enjoy the geese, enjoy the dandelions........but don't be fooled that they are swans or daisies. Be wise. Guard your heart. Not hide it. But in being real, do a reality check in relationships now and then. Just like you go in for a physical. And learn how to get from point a to point b.......and point b to point c and point c to point d. You got it, it's a process.
SOME relationships are toxic. Yet we hold on. Be aware.........they will drain you, they will eat at you from the inside out. Negative, mean people are not the kind of people you need as your best friends. People who are in constant crisis. People who are chronically selfish. Run. Or at least be aware that it is not a two way street.
Love ya my friends.
Yep, you know who you are.
And know..........I KNOW that I don't get this friendship thing very well.
I'm learning. Along with my friends.
blessings,
rhonda