Dear One

Sweet Man Child,
Do you remember those days of clarity of mind?  When you remembered how good it was to be told the truth?  To be challenged?  Do you yet remember those times when your mind was not numbed by chemicals, your soul and spirit muted?  Do you ever think about those wonderful days when you chose to live free of those things that stimulate or depress?  When you actually realized that you weren't in control.  But that indeed, those chemicals were in control.  Your body dependent in order to function.  To feel.  To stop feeling.  To go to sleep.  To wake up.
Do you remember when you realized how deeply your family loved you?  How after everything, they held you dear in their hearts.  When you lied.  When you stole.  When you screamed.  When you ran away.  When you lashed out.  When you ignored them.  When you threatened their peace and safety.  When you worried them.  Yet, do you remember how they stood with you?   Beside you?  Praying.  Uplifting.  Encouraging.  But, telling the truth.  Not lying to you as those others did.
Do you remember the ones who would have left you for dead from alcohol poisoning in order to save themselves from trouble?  Who spewed horrible things about you and the ones who love you when you began to recover?  Do you remember how little they cared?  How they ran away?  Do you see how you love the ones who are simply using you?  And use the ones who really love you?
Oh why does it seem that you have forgotten all of the good that you were going to do?  The way you longed to help your mama.  The promises you made to your siblings.  Why have you chosen to follow the path of the chemically dependent?  Don't you remember how empty it left you?  With only rebellion and anger to hold onto?  Why must you battle with all who actually care?  Why do you push away those who long to look up to you?  Why do you choose defiance and deceit over peace and kindness?
The truth is that I don't know.  And I'm not sure that you know.  But I will remember for you who you want to be.  I will hold onto your dreams and treasure them until you are ready to pick them up again and nurture them along.
Oh, live your life with care.  Think through your choices.  For I do not want your dreams to be all I have left of you.  I love you.  You are dear.  You are precious.  But I will never settle for allowing you to live a life that makes a mockery of the commitments you have made.  I won't bow to trying to be popular with you or your supposed friends.  Because you were made for so much more.  A mind full of ideas.  Abilities to think and draw and create.  A strong body.  A strong spirit.  No, I won't settle.  I love you now.  In this moment.  But I love the one I know.  Not the one you pretend to be in your effort of self assertion.  Of defiance.  Of  rebellion.  Getting to choose, getting to be a grown up doesn't mean that you have to prove it by making the BAD choices.  It means that you get to choose what is good and decent for you.
I miss you, dear one.  I look forward to your return.
blessings.

Aaron

Every Moses can really use an Aaron.  Because though Moses had everything he needed to accomplish the task, he needed an encourager.  Someone to believe in him.  Someone to help him see things through.  Not to boss him around.  Not to be his slave.  To be his equal but not need to be the center of the event.
It's called a best friend.  God brings them.  Jonathan and David.  Paul and Timothy.  Jesus and John.  It's a fact.  A Biblical truth.  But, what we often don't see is how the best of friends are an Aaron to one another!  That each is called to be a Moses in some way in her life.  And, there is that person who stands beside, voices her words, gives validity to her dreams.  John was there for Jesus, but Jesus gave John exactly what he needed as well.  Paul mentored Timothy, but Timothy gave Paul someone to trust and love.
I am an Aaron.  And, I am a Moses.  In some venues, I am simply there as the one to stand beside...or behind.  In others, I am doing what I need to do while a friend stands by...making me braver than I would be alone.  Making me step forward when I want to step back.  It's a beautiful thing.  Life changing.
blessings.

Consistency

When parenting, it is often said that consistency is the key.  It seems like the mantra of every parenting book.  And, consistency about what the rules are IS important.  What to do for consequences?  Not so much.  You see, kids are a bit like having a bacterial infection.  Nice image, huh?  But, just like an infection, after a couple of rounds of the same antibiotic, it's time to switch things up because the infection has become immune to that particular antibiotic.  Kids are the same way.  They build up a resistance to the consequences that are used if they are used continually.  They become ineffective.
Parents have to change it up.  Use different things.  Think outside the box.  Do something unexpected.  Appropriate to the circumstance and to the age, but not what is expected.  Sometimes.  Not every time.  But, if kids build up a resistance to what you are doing then it just becomes a battle of wills.  Not a fun place to be.
So, have consistently high expectations of your children.  But, when there needs to be an adjustment of behavior....be creative.
blessings.

Competition

We live in an age and a country that thrive on competition.  From advertising to workplace positions.  From sports to singing.  Nothing seems to be done to just be done well.  It's to be judged.  To be deemed "the best" by some entity somewhere.  The message is that everyone needs to get on board and be the best.  No matter what she is.  The best driver.  The best short order cook.  The best meal planner.  The best gardener.  The best artist.  The best.  Pleasure has gotten put aside.  Our things once done as hobbies and entertainment are now places to compete.  The things once done to relax also fall in the competing category....what kind of vacation you take, how well you do your art, your rughooking, your golf.
Unfortunately, the mindset has permeated our relationships. Wonder how?  Think about the best mom you know.  Yep, she came right to your mind, didn't she?  What was the criteria?  It's that lady that runs every bake sale and is involved in all of the school activities while keeping such a clean house AND a clean car.  I know, a clean CAR.  Amazing.  I didn't even realize that was a possibility with a houseful/carful of kids.  But, apparently it is.
My daughter was talking about a mom the other day that had done some things for the school.  I apologized that I hadn't.  She said, "that's ok, you're not that kind of mom."  And I wondered what that meant, so of course, I asked.  She told me that I"m not the mom that has to run every event of be wherever their kids are.  And...guess what?  She likes that.  She likes me.
And then, within a day or two, driving with my son, when we were talking, the same kind of thing came up.  He was talking about moms who have to do everything and be there all of the time.  I said that it's like they all feel pressured to be the best....to do the best job....to excel.  And he said, "it's not a competition."
It's not a competition.  Hate to tell you, but being a mom is NOT a competition.  We were all given our own set of kids with their own set of needs and we do with that what we can.  In our own unique way.  Creating our own unique environment.  Some meticulous.  Some messy.  Some hovering.  Some hands off.  It's not a competition.  Kids can know that they are loved in a variety of different ways.  It's not about doing everything.  Or being everything.  And it's certainly not about trying to be better than "what's her name".  The one thing that it has to be is about being who YOU are.  Teaching your kids how to live and be successful by being who they are.  Using your gifts.  So that they learn how to use their gifts.  Not trying to be like all of the other moms.  So that they don't try to be like all of the other kids.
In our uniqueness is where our strength lies in raising our children.  I know people who make their own clothes and cook their food straight from their land.  I know others that do Wendy's and Pizza Hut.  I know moms with cars that you can see the vacuum marks on the floors and moms that you can't see the floor of the car.  The thing is that those things don't define what a mom is.  Each mom in her own way lives and gives and learns and tries again and again.....and makes her own definition for her own set of kids of what makes a good mom.
Unless she makes it a competition.  Then all they see is that life is about being "better" than someone else.  Looking better.  Doing better.  The thing is this...competition doesn't really work in some things.  Sometimes it's simply a matter of opinion of the people that really count....those you care about most.  If it's the mom review that has your attention, then you will be trying to please them all of your life.  But, if it's your own kids then you will be able to relax.  Figure out your own path.  Your own way.  With them.
It's not a competition.  It's a day by day adventure.
blessings

Always

Sometimes, life can get hard.  It can take unexpected turns.  A mountain road looms ahead when we expected the quick free-way.  It can be messy too.  Full of hurts and things that we truly could never happen to us.  Sometimes, things just aren't what they seem or what we wish or how they need to be.
But, for all of those sometimes, there is and Always.  He is always there.  Always awake.  Always loving.  Always willing.  Always gracious.  Always truthful.  Always faithful.  Always kind.   Always comforting.  Always providing. Always.  Not sometimes....
But, it's easy to let the sometimes overtake the Always.  It's easy to forget that he is constant and without fail for us.  Not for what we want, but for us.  Cheering us on.  Encouraging us.  Believing the best about us.  Patient with us.  Willing to stay.  The sometimes will end or change, but the Always never will. 
And that is what means so much to me this Easter.  My Always has overcome my sometimes with His forever overshadowing my right now.
blessings,
rhonda

But once a year.....

Birthdays come but once a year.  And, when I was a child, that seemed like way too infrequently.  I mean, I loved cake.  And presents and parties.  I loved the hoopla.   Although, I have never enjoyed being sang to out in public nor opening gifts in front of people.  That's ok, it was set off by the presents.  Children and birthdays are an amazing thing.  Better than Christmas to a degree because it's ALL yours.  Yep. Being a child was amazing.
However, now that I'm just a wee bit past legal.  Alright, a bit past.  Ok, a ways past double legal.  Since this time of life has come, birthdays are different.  They are a time of being thankful.  For life.  For others.  For being able to live.  They have become more markers of time past than time that I am racing towards.  They are checkpoints of how I am living. 
So, this once a year, I get to stop in my mind and look back over the year and decide whether I have LIVED.  I get to really think about where I am headed.  It is more significant than New Years.  It is MY own personal new year.  I have no resolutions to write....because I am terrible with resolutions.  However, there are places I want to grow.  Places that I want to forgive in myself.  Places that I need to toughen up.  And soften up.  But, once a year, it's a time, no matter where I am or how I am, to simply thank God that I STILL am. 
blessings,
rhonda

Movement

The ocean rolls in and out.  Seemingly without change, but little by little, it forces it's way inward and onto the land.  And then, just as slowly, inch by inch, outward, back to the depths.  And when watching it, it doesn't seem like much is changing.  It doesn't seem to matter.  But every time the tide comes in, it provides water and nourishment for those creatures that live along the coastline.  It drops off the dregs of the sea as well as cleaning off the debris that was left.  Every inch is a bit of progress.  Though, none of us would probably even notice.
It's like that in life.  The most significant types of  "movement" happen little by little with seemingly little change.  And yet, over time, it seems like suddenly something big has occurred.  Like children growing.  It is always amazing when they suddenly overtake their parents.  When, little by little, over the years they have been changing and becoming the adults they will be.  It didn't happen overnight, though it often seems so.
Good things and bad things in our lives happen this way too.  Little by little things can get better and little by little, things can get worse.  It depends upon each little decision.  Each desire.  Each hope.  Each experience.  Each moment of faith.  It depends on whether we care enough.  On whether we are courageous enough.
The thing is that movement, genuine movement, takes time.  Generally, people don't love someone one day and hate them the next (or vice versa).  It takes many acts, many minutes, many choices.  But, over time, it adds up to a whole.  And while each little thing might not seem like much, it contributes to the direction of the movement for all time.  Some people become stagnant, not able to make up their minds and head one direction or the other.  In that case, almost without fail, someone else will eventually act and cause them to move one way or the other.
So, keep your eyes open.  See which way you need to be moving and do the things that head you in that direction.  Whether it's joyous or difficult, there is joy in the journey.  There is contentment in doing what you are meant to do.  Just as the ocean rolls in.  And rolls out.  Doing it's job every day.  I want to do that in life.  If my life were the ocean, sometimes all motion would stop while I would decide what direction to go.......even though it's very clear.  Surrendering to that clarity is often more difficult than it seems.  Look carefully.  But, don't be afraid.  You will do what you need to be doing for this season.  The next season might be entirely different.  Movement is the norm.  Change is constant in the whole world.  Guess we should get used to it.
blessings,
rhonda