We live in an age and a country that thrive on competition. From advertising to workplace positions. From sports to singing. Nothing seems to be done to just be done well. It's to be judged. To be deemed "the best" by some entity somewhere. The message is that everyone needs to get on board and be the best. No matter what she is. The best driver. The best short order cook. The best meal planner. The best gardener. The best artist. The best. Pleasure has gotten put aside. Our things once done as hobbies and entertainment are now places to compete. The things once done to relax also fall in the competing category....what kind of vacation you take, how well you do your art, your rughooking, your golf.
Unfortunately, the mindset has permeated our relationships. Wonder how? Think about the best mom you know. Yep, she came right to your mind, didn't she? What was the criteria? It's that lady that runs every bake sale and is involved in all of the school activities while keeping such a clean house AND a clean car. I know, a clean CAR. Amazing. I didn't even realize that was a possibility with a houseful/carful of kids. But, apparently it is.
My daughter was talking about a mom the other day that had done some things for the school. I apologized that I hadn't. She said, "that's ok, you're not that kind of mom." And I wondered what that meant, so of course, I asked. She told me that I"m not the mom that has to run every event of be wherever their kids are. And...guess what? She likes that. She likes me.
And then, within a day or two, driving with my son, when we were talking, the same kind of thing came up. He was talking about moms who have to do everything and be there all of the time. I said that it's like they all feel pressured to be the best....to do the best job....to excel. And he said, "it's not a competition."
It's not a competition. Hate to tell you, but being a mom is NOT a competition. We were all given our own set of kids with their own set of needs and we do with that what we can. In our own unique way. Creating our own unique environment. Some meticulous. Some messy. Some hovering. Some hands off. It's not a competition. Kids can know that they are loved in a variety of different ways. It's not about doing everything. Or being everything. And it's certainly not about trying to be better than "what's her name". The one thing that it has to be is about being who YOU are. Teaching your kids how to live and be successful by being who they are. Using your gifts. So that they learn how to use their gifts. Not trying to be like all of the other moms. So that they don't try to be like all of the other kids.
In our uniqueness is where our strength lies in raising our children. I know people who make their own clothes and cook their food straight from their land. I know others that do Wendy's and Pizza Hut. I know moms with cars that you can see the vacuum marks on the floors and moms that you can't see the floor of the car. The thing is that those things don't define what a mom is. Each mom in her own way lives and gives and learns and tries again and again.....and makes her own definition for her own set of kids of what makes a good mom.
Unless she makes it a competition. Then all they see is that life is about being "better" than someone else. Looking better. Doing better. The thing is this...competition doesn't really work in some things. Sometimes it's simply a matter of opinion of the people that really count....those you care about most. If it's the mom review that has your attention, then you will be trying to please them all of your life. But, if it's your own kids then you will be able to relax. Figure out your own path. Your own way. With them.
It's not a competition. It's a day by day adventure.
blessings
Unfortunately, the mindset has permeated our relationships. Wonder how? Think about the best mom you know. Yep, she came right to your mind, didn't she? What was the criteria? It's that lady that runs every bake sale and is involved in all of the school activities while keeping such a clean house AND a clean car. I know, a clean CAR. Amazing. I didn't even realize that was a possibility with a houseful/carful of kids. But, apparently it is.
My daughter was talking about a mom the other day that had done some things for the school. I apologized that I hadn't. She said, "that's ok, you're not that kind of mom." And I wondered what that meant, so of course, I asked. She told me that I"m not the mom that has to run every event of be wherever their kids are. And...guess what? She likes that. She likes me.
And then, within a day or two, driving with my son, when we were talking, the same kind of thing came up. He was talking about moms who have to do everything and be there all of the time. I said that it's like they all feel pressured to be the best....to do the best job....to excel. And he said, "it's not a competition."
It's not a competition. Hate to tell you, but being a mom is NOT a competition. We were all given our own set of kids with their own set of needs and we do with that what we can. In our own unique way. Creating our own unique environment. Some meticulous. Some messy. Some hovering. Some hands off. It's not a competition. Kids can know that they are loved in a variety of different ways. It's not about doing everything. Or being everything. And it's certainly not about trying to be better than "what's her name". The one thing that it has to be is about being who YOU are. Teaching your kids how to live and be successful by being who they are. Using your gifts. So that they learn how to use their gifts. Not trying to be like all of the other moms. So that they don't try to be like all of the other kids.
In our uniqueness is where our strength lies in raising our children. I know people who make their own clothes and cook their food straight from their land. I know others that do Wendy's and Pizza Hut. I know moms with cars that you can see the vacuum marks on the floors and moms that you can't see the floor of the car. The thing is that those things don't define what a mom is. Each mom in her own way lives and gives and learns and tries again and again.....and makes her own definition for her own set of kids of what makes a good mom.
Unless she makes it a competition. Then all they see is that life is about being "better" than someone else. Looking better. Doing better. The thing is this...competition doesn't really work in some things. Sometimes it's simply a matter of opinion of the people that really count....those you care about most. If it's the mom review that has your attention, then you will be trying to please them all of your life. But, if it's your own kids then you will be able to relax. Figure out your own path. Your own way. With them.
It's not a competition. It's a day by day adventure.
blessings
No comments:
Post a Comment