Gotta Love Those Weakends

No. I am not spelling challenged. Keyboarding challenged a little bit, but not spelling. I know that difference between week and weak. Though the new generation texters might not. Abbreviations are so in vogue that it's hard to tell.
But my faux pas in purposeful. I am having one of those weakdays. Weakdays are the days when things are kind of slow and a little harder to do. Days where putting your arms above your head seems like too much. Days where you get up only to sit back down a few moments later.
Weakdays have the power to sap you emotionally because you are so focused on how consumed you are by your current illness or chronic illness or depression or pain or remorse or tiredness. They can take away the joy of the moment. Sometimes they become the central part of life.
But, they don't have to. Today is a weakday. I've had a cold. No big deal. But yesterday I borrowed energy that I should have saved up for today. I had an energy drink when I should have had a nap. I stayed up late when I should have gone to bed. I don't regret it an iota. I had a wonderful time hearing kids laugh. Watching people interact and play games. Talking with friends. Commiserating. Sharing. Got to go to class with my sixth grader. Have a nice meatloaf lunch on my pretty new dishes.
But, for me, those things all equal choices. Especially when I'm sick with a virus as well. My body isn't as strong as some. It hurts a bit. I know pretty well what I can and can't do. I know my allotment for each day or week. Kind of funny. But, the thing is that I find a pleasure that maybe healthier people don't find. I find that I know in my heart and soul that when I CHOOSE to do something, I am giving a huge part of myself. I am giving more than just my time. I am giving out of a limited amount of energy. It makes me think. Not usually to others. Ok, not to others. This might be the first time any of you have ever heard this.
But this is not a curse. Though I railed and screamed and fought against it. Though I have prayed for healing and answers. This is a gift. It is a gift of being able to see what things cost. It's the gift of being able to choose to spend the time. And of knowing that it wasn't a gift out of my excess. I like that.
Though most people don't realize it, I know that each choice for me is a minus of that days energy. Picking up the kids. Driving back to the school. Wrestling my daughter around. Planting grass seed. Making dinner. Taking a bath. Moving a chair.
And when I have a virus it's worse. And when I push really hard one day, I have to make up for it the next day.
I'm not looking for answers or sympathy. I am giving explanation to some of you for how I and many others live day to day. I am not sad about my life. I am exuberant. I probably appreciate my time more than people who have endless energy.
But I do love those weakends. There are those moments. They are rare. But, they occur......where I feel almost normal. Where I wake up in the morning refreshed. Or have an abundance of energy. I know, everyone lives for the weakends. I have learned not to. I have learned to live in the weakdays. To do what I need to do. And then, when a weakend comes, I am surprised and amazed and thrilled by it. I don't waste my other days lamenting that they aren't weakends.
I don't know where this finds you. I hope you are well. But if you find yourself struggling. Realizing that it's not a battle. Not a contest. Not a matter of who gets the most done. It's about being you and doing what you do and what you can do.
Strangely, on weakdays, I give myself more permission to write. Makes me feel productive when I am not up and about. I like it. It brings me pleasure.
If you are having weakdays, find what brings you pleasure and do it. Read. Write. Contemplate. Be still. Pray. Hope. Believe. Encourage. It takes very little energy to give to someone else.........you just have to be creative about it.
Here's to appreciating the weakends because of the weakdays!
blessings,
rhonda

PSALM 147 and ISAIAH 46

Where do you run when you need advice? When the world keeps pushing? When you are ill? When life isn't fair. When you hurt inside and out? As a christian, I tend to run to the Bible. However, I have to say that the last few months I have had a rather different relationship. I had found that my quiet times......times reading the Bible......were in my heart an obligation, a way to feel more as if I was being "good enough". I've had a really rough year. I have found most every foundation shaken. And frankly, I needed the God who loved me just like me. No frills. No performance. No abilities. No wonderfulness of my own.
And He has met me there. Without conditions. With great compassion. With love. And for most all of this time, I have run to Psalm 147 and Isaiah 46. He is faithful. He does not depend on what I do to remain faithful. Everything is about Him. He has a plan. He holds me. He does not need my strength to be impressed by me. He cherishes me, carries me, rescues me. That must mean He knows I need to be carried and rescued and He is not offended by that.
I used to think that somehow it was more pleasing to be more proficient. To be more godly was to follow a certain plan. A plan can establish good habits. But, following God according to some recipe tends to lead to arrogance rather than humility. Not humiliation. He never humiliates us. He gives us dignity though He sees us in the pit. In the slime. In the mire. But the best times of my life are when I see myself there and realize that honestly, there's nothing I can really do to be any better. I go from one thing to another. I'm no worse and no better than you. We are not perfect. We have stuff. We are, without once exception, people who have issues. For all of our lives.
But, the best thing that has happened to me spiritually is to find that He is completely faithful. "they stoop and bow down together; unable to rescue the burden, they themselves go off into captivity.".............."but listen..........you whom Ihave upheld since you were conceived, (before I was born), and have carried since your birth, even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
And I wonder why. How come. I am a mess.
"To whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?.....remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. .........I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning.........my purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please."
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit. The Lord sustains the humble.....His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. ........."
He amazes me. He is satisfied with my weakness. He wants me to see it. To know that it doesn't matter to Him or to His purposes how well equipped I think I am or how strong or how smart. He wants me to see myself clearly so that I can see Him clearly. He wants me to know that it is by His strength and power that His renown, His reputation, His plan will be accomplished and made known.
And so, I am at peace. Not rushing around trying to be a super christian. Resting. Being held. Growing. Being nurtured. Feeling His cherished breath speaking hope to my soul. Night and day. Every moment. When I sleep. When I wake. Every stage. Never changing. Ever. Completely and fully dependable. Safe. Trustworthy.
I hope you have met this Jesus. Hope you have been introduced. He is not about a list of rules. He is about the deepest, most fulfilled relationship ever. He satisfies the longings.
blessings,
rhonda

Surprises

Don't you love surprises? As a mom, my favorite surprise is probably when my kids do things unexpected.......like clean up around the house WITHOUT being begged, bribed, nagged nor chastised. Without even an eye roll or a moan. Don't get me wrong, I have great kids. But, they are kids. They are people, not machines that take in every word I said and spit out the proper and expected response.
But in those moments when one or all of them do something out of their own volition, when they self motivate and choose to do something wonderful, it practically stops my heart. I feel the deepest sense of thankfulness.
Or when you have a birthday and it seems like you will have to make your own cake......again. I remember, years ago, the first time that I could remember, I was meeting a friend at the park to let the kids play on my birthday. She brought a cake AND a homemade birthday banner to put on my car. Still brings tears to my eyes. The joy of the small and unexpected.
Now, I don't like surprises as much when it is done with a taunting, "I know something you don't know." Then I wonder. Then I worry. Then I hope that I will be appropriately "surprised."
Surprises by nature should come as a (gasp) surprise. Not to be redundant. We should experience an element of shock. Of marvel. Of amazement.
Strangely, the biggest surprises are often really small things. Like kids who cleaned up the kitchen while you were out. Or a parent who manages to find the exactly right shoes for their teen at just the right price.
Practice the element of surprise. Surprise the people around you with good things. With a clean car. Or a flower on the door. Or a baked goodie. ;) Or a card. Or a letter in the mail. Or with a book they want to read. Or a clean room. Or cooking a meal. Or cleaning up. Or a banner telling them how wonderful they are affixed to their home or car while they are gone. Or anything.
Take the time to think of ways to surprise the people who you are close to. Think of what will bring them a chuckle or a smile or a good kinda tear. And DO it. Why are you holding back? What's there to lose?
Now, remember, there are some surprises that catch us completely off guard and yet are not quite as good. Last year, well after Christmas, while cleaning behind the piano, I found a gift bag with pretty tissue paper shoved back there. I reached my hand in there excitedly since I could tell from the heft that something was inside. I thought that it must be a misplaced gift and imagined that someone was going to be really excited........only to feel something crumbly, hard and crusty. I looked in. Dog poop. One of my kids had decided that when cleaning up after the puppy it would be a good idea to hide the doggy doo so that mom wouldn't realize that it had happened so that she wouldn't be upset....ah. Quite the surprise. Not so great. But, I have to say, I will always remember it. I was stunned. In a GIFT BAG!!!
As you are going along, plan surprises. Just little things. Like saying yes. to ice cream. or going to the store. or having something special.
The best surprises are completely fitted to the person they are being given to. Unique. I remember seeing a show or a movie where the mom constantly belittles her daughter's weight. She is incessant. But, one day, the child comes home and finds a whole new wardrobe. She is delighted. Until she realizes that it's two sizes two small. A surprise with a jab. But, the kind nanny/housekeeper stays up all night and alters every outfit..........a blessed, giving, generous surprise. The one who had no money, actually gave the best gift. I love it.
blessings,
rhonda

Things You Regret

Sitting here, at this very computer, today, I had that regret that sometimes comes. I thought it was just gas. Yes, that's what I had thought. And hey, I was alone in my room, writing and checking email. So, imagine my surprise. And instant regret. Some things seem like a good idea until afterward when there are consequences that you were not even thinking about. It changed my whole next 20 minutes. One little, seemingly innocent decision.
Life is all about choices. Sometimes they are easy and sometimes they are difficult. And while some people say "have no regrets," I am not sure that that life is possible. Because sometimes you don't know that the simplest decision will have a consequence you never imagined possible.
For instance, my mom went out to pick up supplies for the beauty school and never returned because her car was struck by a drunk driver. Her decision wasn't made based on danger or expected problems. She was just doing her job.
But there's a kind of regret that is ok to live with and the kind that isn't so good. The kind that you can live with is when your heart was kind and loving. When you were simply living. Stuff happens. All of the time. Things you can't help.
But then there's the other kind. The kind where you were being defiant or drunk or mean spirited and something bad happens. That kind of regret is hard to live with because of the guilt that goes along with it.
The thing is that the decisions made might have been exactly the same. The results might have been too. But it's livable when we have our hearts in check. When we are living in a giving, loving way.
Things happen. Unexpected and painful. One way to make it through is to determine to keep relationships a priority and try to keep things right with family and friends. We never know what is coming around the bend, but we can always make the most of the days we do have.
So enjoy life today. Enjoy who you were made to be. Full of gifts. And talents. Go for it. This is life.
blessings,
rhonda

Everybody's Gotta Have a Goal

Here stands my husband telling me about the world's fattest mom. I don't know if the conversation began because I was wiping the butter off of my face after shoving the last of some bread in my mouth. Or, maybe it was the lasagna sauce. I'm really not sure why we were having this conversation in his 10 minutes home after work and before volleyball. But, regardless of why, we were.
He was telling me the story of a woman who weighs 600 pounds. She is striving for 1000 pounds!!! Why? I can't imagine. Because she wants to be the worlds fattest mom. She has a website where you can watch her eat. She can make money that way. But why? I mean, your heart can only handle so much. She's a mom. How can she live to see her kids grow up?
I have so many questions. I really do not understand even a little bit. But, hey, everybody has to have a goal, right?
We all want to be remembered. We all want to leave a legacy. We all want to show our kids that we could accomplish our goals so that they too will strive to achieve their goals. I don't agree with her goal, but it's not my job to tell her what to do. But, she does have a goal. She does have a plan. And, she has found a way to fund her food bill. Gotta admire her grit.
blessings,
rhonda

Life's A Party

Today, my cohort in crime and usual friend, was making party birds. The birds were rather homely little vintage creatures. Well, WERE is the key word in that sentence. She transformed the sad little babies into beautiful party birds. They had party hats and glitter, collaged stands and sparkly perches. What a remarkable difference she wrought with some TLC and time.
I didn't do a whole lot toward their makeover. Watch and learn. My excuse could be this cold that is taking hold in my head and behind my eyes. But, really, she is the queen of causing change in found objects. She has a knack for seeing what could be and setting about doing it. And, if it isn't turning out, she doesn't fuss, she just looks for a new way or a new look. She is patient but persistent. And each little touch adds so much.
It's like that in life. All of us have times when we feel a little homely. A little less skilled than everyone else. A little clumsy. A little chunky. A little different. But in those times, it's important that life really is a party. A celebration. Worthy of a hat and glitter. Strangely, no matter how we look or what we know how to do, once we realize that we are attending a party, our whole demeanor changes. And if we have a friend or two who add the gentle touches and some tender care, we begin to shine just like those birdies did.
I am amazed at what can happen when someone has vision and hope and the ability to stick to it even if others can't see anything beautiful....because in the end, the beauty shines forth. Just like polishing a stone.
So, do two things. First, create others who shine. Secondly, be willing to be loved on and made more beautiful over time by people in your life.
Remember..........life's a party, wear your party hat! (that is Deedee's quote.....only use it with permission.;))
blessings,
rhonda

Steering Wheel

I speak frequently of my old green van. How can I help thinking of it? I have spent a lot of time in it over the years. Nearly 300,000 miles to be precise. Not to mention the sitting and waiting time. I was doing some of that this evening. Had my seat back. Eye level with the steering wheel. I looked. And looked again. Totally smooth. Black. Shiny. It used to be dimpled. I love the feeling now.
It's smooth and cool. It slips through my fingers just right when I make turns. But it took a long time and a lot of turning to get that steering wheel worn smooth. It took a long time to feel right. As a matter of fact, I was so enamored with it, I was thinking that if I ever have to give up my van I might need to keep my steering wheel as a reminder of happy times. I probably won't. Don't shudder at my strangeness yet.
But, just like life, it takes time to smooth things out. It takes time and lots of turning and even some sitting. But, one day, you look and you realize how it has all worn things into a place of beauty and comfort. Of course, in this case, the life of the van is nearly over. Maybe that's how it is for us. Maybe we don't notice the beauty until it's toward the end. I hope not.
Keep steering. Maneuvering. The miles go by fast.
blessings,
rhonda