I have lived way too much of life being afraid about making decisions, what people think of me and how things are going to turn out. I have wondered if I am living "right". And I have struggled with how I feel about myself. But, in recent times, grace has crept in. Slowly. With great....um, yeah I know, it's redundant, grace. Not pushy. But full of compassion. Of understanding. God has shown me how incredibly gracious He is. Not because I deserve it, but because He IS it. He is so gracious that all of my sins are covered. Not just the ones before I received Him, but ALL of them, for all time. The ones I know about and realize and the ones that I am too ignorant to see or even to call sin. He has grace on me. He adores me. And He IS the joy set before me. When my eyes are on Him, instead of how I'm doing as a mother, employee, wife, friend, human being, woman, or any other standard, He fills me with peace. With joy.
But, the problem is the obstacles in the way. Those mountains that tend to block my view. Otherwise known as fears and insecurities. The what ifs. What if I say how I really feel and it ends badly? What if I fail? What if I don't measure up? What if I absolutely mess it up? What if I am not popular? What if I screw up my kids? What if I don't please my spouse? What if.....
The what if mountains are the highest range anywhere in the world. And they block a spectacular, amazing view. The view of Jesus Himself. Standing, beckoning, calling, wooing, reminding, cajoling, pleading, loving, hoping. He IS there. And, I can choose to see Him. But, I will have to choose to let go of the what ifs. I will have to choose to live in truth. To live day to day. To tell how I am. To walk there. Even if it is very hard. But, what if I do?
I will find the joy that has been set before me.
blessings,
rhonda
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