Don't you love the exuberance of the song "Oh When the Saints"? I mean, how cool is it...like a ticker tape parade kind of a song. And you can just picture it. A whole crowd. Marching. Singing. Maybe picture Mardi Gras without the booze and nakedness. But I kinda picture myself the one sneaking through the group.
You know like it is in one of those movies. Trying to hide in the crowd. Sometimes it feels like there's going to be this big celebration......a big hullaballoo and I want to be sure I'm not noticed because really, well, I'm no saint. I act as if I'll just try to sneak in with the ones who ARE the saints.
I know it might come as a surprise. Yeah, right. But I have a few little things that I'm less than proud of. I have some baggage. I have some bad attitudes. Oh, I WANT to be in that number but I know that I don't DESERVE to be in that number. But, you are no saint either.
Some of you are trying sooo hard to LOOK right. to please. to be acceptable. to be the best mom. to be a pleasing spouse. to dress right. to give generously. to keep up the charade that will keep everyone thinking that you belong over there in the parade.
But the thing is.....you don't. Not by what you do. Not by who you are. Not because of how you seem to others. Christianity isn't about a list of rules and do's and don'ts. It's not about being part of the in crowd of current religious pundits. It's not about being politically incorrect nor correct. It's not about whether you are a democrat or a republican. It's not about social status. It's not about LOOKING right. It's not about earning nor deserving.
Strangely, it is all about WHO you know. Not Billy Graham. Not Ghandi. Not Mother Theresa. Not even God. GASP. What is she saying? It's not about spiritual advisors nor spirituality. It's the WHO of Jesus.
Funny how Jesus is more accepted as a curse word in our culture than a name. THE name. The name that allows the God of the universe to look upon us in grace and compassion through His Son. Around the world, the name of Jesus is being lifted and passed on. It is growing like a raging forest fire. Don't believe me? Look up what is happening with Christianity in Asia and Africa. Research it. Don't just believe me. Ask questions.
Start with the question: WHO is Jesus? I promise you that it will be life changing. Whether you've been religious or spiritual or in the church all of your life. Without Him, you and I aren't in the number. But with Him, just like we are, still human, still struggling, we are among the "saints".
Haha. That still cracks me up. ME, a saint. But not because of me. Because of a gift. A cherished and blessed gift.
There are lots of places online to ask your questions. Lots of people who will answer. But don't use the excuse that a church or some christian in the past disappointed you. That's like not eating nuts because you got a rancid one. Or not drinking water ever again because you drank a glass in West Texas. (it's foul.) Don't let some relationships in the past ruin a relationship you might really find true and good and fulfilling.
Give yourself the time to ask the questions about life. Ask what brings hope. How is right and wrong determined? Are there any absolutes? What is truth? No question is too big. But I challenge you to open your heart and your eyes and bother to ask. You don't need to be convinced nor manipulated. I know a God who is big enough to answer all of our questions and not be in the least offended. I should say, he knows me. That amazes me.
Love you.
blessings,
rhonda
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
the perfect friend and other myths
I hesitate to write this. And even as my fingers are touching the keys I wonder if I can put to words the thoughts that have been in my mind for so long. You know, some things roll around in your heart and mind for years and never really come to fruition. But this is about something that many people have asked me about. It's near and dear to my heart. But how to bring you into my experience. No clue. Never do know how to do that, but with a prayer and abandon, I take off and try. And leave the results to One more able than I.
Many of you have asked me over the years and especially over the last year about my really special, sisterly, heart friend. I've been asked "how did you find that?" (read, how did YOU of all people with all of your baggage, get a friendship like that?) "how did you build it?" And I've tried to write about it before. I've told you what a good friend she is. Told you how you have to open yourself up to friendship. But the bottom line is that I don't know the answers to any of your questions.
Picture a young mom. Living in a new city. A couple of kids and very pregnant with a third one. I had spent the last few years praying for a really good friend. I mean, beyond husband and family. I would go out and see moms out to lunch together. Out to coffee. At the park.
I was no shrinking violet. I went to the park. to the mall. to the McDonald's playland. I had ever since my kids were big enough to go. But I was just me and my kids. No play date. Just us.
And now picture a foster parent. We had various kids in our home who were not preschoolers. Sometimes they were really easy. Sometimes, usually, not.
We were pretty friendly. We invited people over. Had them to dinner. Or Sunday lunch. We were involved at church. We tended to go to Sunday School classes not for young marrieds or young parents because we were in such a different place in life given our family circumstances. God used our lives. It was good. But the friendship thing......well, I had friends, but it really wasn't happening for me. Since college it seemed that I was just kind of always on the fringe of people's lives.
Along came Deedee into my life. I already said how I knew she was too good for me. Preacher's kid and all that. But what I want you to know is that I didn't expect anything different than what I had had for the previous few years. Shallow. Superficial. But, maybe fun and at least someone to be with. But God had plans that I never even dreamed. But that didn't happen right away. It was just about two young mamas staying sane and enjoying grown-up speak in the middle of the busy baby years. At least that's what it seemed to be. At first.
But God was about filling some of the deepest cries of my heart from many, many years. He was beginning to teach me to trust someone who had no reason, no commitment, no promise, no relationship to cause her to have to stay. or to care. And we would sit and have coffee while the kids played in the little indoor "mall" area in Niwot. And sit on the banks of the creek while the kids caught things and got muddy and soaked. And we visited while walking hunkered down in the baby end of the pool. (was I ever glad to leave the 12" water) And we would take days to the zoo or Prospect Park or the petting farm in Fort Collins. And there was no play book. There was no plan.
But a part of me was drawn out and challenged to have more. I have and have had lots of friends in my lifetime. I love them. But this was like having a sister for me. Don't get me wrong, Deedee already had that role filled. But God was filling holes in my heart. Using a sweet young woman who was willing to be friendly.
And now, years have gone by. We have had some really rough times. We are more different than most can imagine. She is the artist, creator, fun filled, trusting one. I am the more melancholic, contemplating, gotta see it one. But for all of that, I have faith. Deep faith. In things I don't see. I encourage. And for all of her "fun-ness", she is deep and able to listen to my silly musings without making me feel like an idiot. But frankly, sometimes we haven't seen eye to eye. Sometimes we have........gasp........shock........drum roll.......fought. Really fought. Not polite little squabble, but full out angry. I know, it's hard to imagine for some of you. A few of you have witnessed it. But those fights have proven over and over that we are friends. That no little event or circumstance will end that.
This last year has been FULL of challenges. For her. For me. It's like neither of us hardly ever comes up for air before the barrage of the next "crisis". And yet, just this last week, while being so incredibly sick, I was absolutely floored by the peace. The sense of well-being. The knowledge that God is taking care of each thing.
How can I not be changed by watching how my friend has lived with grace and kindness? How can I not marvel at the miracles of God when I see Him before my very eyes making all things new in her life. Making new is painful. Heartwrenching. But trust me, just as new bread is better than moldy bread, a new life is way better than a rotting one.
And I stand in awe. "How did you bring us here, God?" So much PAIN. So much JOY. And my answer remains, I don't know.
I believe in miracles. Because in my life this is a miracle. As surely as a dead man walking. For I have been awakened and challenged and pushed and grown.
But there is no recipe. There is no plan book. But you can find the deep desires of your heart if you open your eyes and look around..........because He promises that He longs to fill those desires. What it looks like might be very different than you expected. It was for me. It was WAY harder and way more demanding than I ever believed it could be. But through time we grow and are ready for more and more steps.
But if you are just not seeing it. If you feel really alone though you are surrounded. If you feel like the only one. Understand this: you are not. Look around and find another who feels that way and start on a journey. You may part ways or it may grow, but it will be a wonderful growing time either way. Cuz let me tell you.......I have lots of friends.....really good friends and regular friends and acquaintances and people I wish that we had time to be friends. And, sometimes the thing I get from the friendship is the pain of learning about who I really am. It's still worth it. And God will use each event to fill up the holes in your heart, to make you filled. But if you will only accept what come packaged like YOU expect in the size and shape that YOU are hoping for and with the gifts and talents that you require.......well, prepare to be disappointed. Because what I HAVE learned is that God loves to surprise us. He loves to prosper us. He loves to lavish blessings upon us. But they rarely look like we expect. As a matter of fact, all of the best things in my life have been a special surprise gift from God. And it has been fun. Not always easy, but totally worthwhile.
So, if you have been holed up and hunkered down, take a deep breath and try again. Not to MAKE something but to be available. to enjoy. to see. You are so loved. So special. Give it one more try........and one more after that.........and one more after that. It's called living. So, as I have been apt to say lately, LIVE!!!!
blessings,
rhonda
Many of you have asked me over the years and especially over the last year about my really special, sisterly, heart friend. I've been asked "how did you find that?" (read, how did YOU of all people with all of your baggage, get a friendship like that?) "how did you build it?" And I've tried to write about it before. I've told you what a good friend she is. Told you how you have to open yourself up to friendship. But the bottom line is that I don't know the answers to any of your questions.
Picture a young mom. Living in a new city. A couple of kids and very pregnant with a third one. I had spent the last few years praying for a really good friend. I mean, beyond husband and family. I would go out and see moms out to lunch together. Out to coffee. At the park.
I was no shrinking violet. I went to the park. to the mall. to the McDonald's playland. I had ever since my kids were big enough to go. But I was just me and my kids. No play date. Just us.
And now picture a foster parent. We had various kids in our home who were not preschoolers. Sometimes they were really easy. Sometimes, usually, not.
We were pretty friendly. We invited people over. Had them to dinner. Or Sunday lunch. We were involved at church. We tended to go to Sunday School classes not for young marrieds or young parents because we were in such a different place in life given our family circumstances. God used our lives. It was good. But the friendship thing......well, I had friends, but it really wasn't happening for me. Since college it seemed that I was just kind of always on the fringe of people's lives.
Along came Deedee into my life. I already said how I knew she was too good for me. Preacher's kid and all that. But what I want you to know is that I didn't expect anything different than what I had had for the previous few years. Shallow. Superficial. But, maybe fun and at least someone to be with. But God had plans that I never even dreamed. But that didn't happen right away. It was just about two young mamas staying sane and enjoying grown-up speak in the middle of the busy baby years. At least that's what it seemed to be. At first.
But God was about filling some of the deepest cries of my heart from many, many years. He was beginning to teach me to trust someone who had no reason, no commitment, no promise, no relationship to cause her to have to stay. or to care. And we would sit and have coffee while the kids played in the little indoor "mall" area in Niwot. And sit on the banks of the creek while the kids caught things and got muddy and soaked. And we visited while walking hunkered down in the baby end of the pool. (was I ever glad to leave the 12" water) And we would take days to the zoo or Prospect Park or the petting farm in Fort Collins. And there was no play book. There was no plan.
But a part of me was drawn out and challenged to have more. I have and have had lots of friends in my lifetime. I love them. But this was like having a sister for me. Don't get me wrong, Deedee already had that role filled. But God was filling holes in my heart. Using a sweet young woman who was willing to be friendly.
And now, years have gone by. We have had some really rough times. We are more different than most can imagine. She is the artist, creator, fun filled, trusting one. I am the more melancholic, contemplating, gotta see it one. But for all of that, I have faith. Deep faith. In things I don't see. I encourage. And for all of her "fun-ness", she is deep and able to listen to my silly musings without making me feel like an idiot. But frankly, sometimes we haven't seen eye to eye. Sometimes we have........gasp........shock........drum roll.......fought. Really fought. Not polite little squabble, but full out angry. I know, it's hard to imagine for some of you. A few of you have witnessed it. But those fights have proven over and over that we are friends. That no little event or circumstance will end that.
This last year has been FULL of challenges. For her. For me. It's like neither of us hardly ever comes up for air before the barrage of the next "crisis". And yet, just this last week, while being so incredibly sick, I was absolutely floored by the peace. The sense of well-being. The knowledge that God is taking care of each thing.
How can I not be changed by watching how my friend has lived with grace and kindness? How can I not marvel at the miracles of God when I see Him before my very eyes making all things new in her life. Making new is painful. Heartwrenching. But trust me, just as new bread is better than moldy bread, a new life is way better than a rotting one.
And I stand in awe. "How did you bring us here, God?" So much PAIN. So much JOY. And my answer remains, I don't know.
I believe in miracles. Because in my life this is a miracle. As surely as a dead man walking. For I have been awakened and challenged and pushed and grown.
But there is no recipe. There is no plan book. But you can find the deep desires of your heart if you open your eyes and look around..........because He promises that He longs to fill those desires. What it looks like might be very different than you expected. It was for me. It was WAY harder and way more demanding than I ever believed it could be. But through time we grow and are ready for more and more steps.
But if you are just not seeing it. If you feel really alone though you are surrounded. If you feel like the only one. Understand this: you are not. Look around and find another who feels that way and start on a journey. You may part ways or it may grow, but it will be a wonderful growing time either way. Cuz let me tell you.......I have lots of friends.....really good friends and regular friends and acquaintances and people I wish that we had time to be friends. And, sometimes the thing I get from the friendship is the pain of learning about who I really am. It's still worth it. And God will use each event to fill up the holes in your heart, to make you filled. But if you will only accept what come packaged like YOU expect in the size and shape that YOU are hoping for and with the gifts and talents that you require.......well, prepare to be disappointed. Because what I HAVE learned is that God loves to surprise us. He loves to prosper us. He loves to lavish blessings upon us. But they rarely look like we expect. As a matter of fact, all of the best things in my life have been a special surprise gift from God. And it has been fun. Not always easy, but totally worthwhile.
So, if you have been holed up and hunkered down, take a deep breath and try again. Not to MAKE something but to be available. to enjoy. to see. You are so loved. So special. Give it one more try........and one more after that.........and one more after that. It's called living. So, as I have been apt to say lately, LIVE!!!!
blessings,
rhonda
Carried
Have you ever wished you could paint? or draw? or at least scribble something that looks remotely like what is in your head? I have. Many times. I have word images. They are in my mind so clearly and yet I have no way to put them into a physical art form for someone else to view or enjoy. I completely envy that some people can take something from their mind and give it dimension.
Lately I've been observing the world. Ok, I always am observing the world. But, I got to spend a lot of time down at Children's Hospital and watch people. I got to watch people on the interstate driving (read, parked on the interstate) to Aurora. I have lots of friends and acquaintances going through a variety of life experiences. There is so much to see and contemplate.
What I noticed is that some people are calm and peaceful and others are angry and raging. Some seem beaten down and others seem strong and able to keep on going. This did not surprise me. What surprised me was that it doesn't seem to be related to the difficulty which they are going through. A parent with a child with cancer can be found laughing and eating and enjoying life in the midst of great personal struggle. While another person is fuming about the slowness of the traffic, red in the face, shouting unkind words.
And I was wondering how it is that we are so fooled into thinking that circumstances are what bring us peace. or contentment. or joy. or courage. or strength. We mistakenly think if we have the right job or our kids do ok or others meet our needs THEN we will have inner peace. But, it's simply not true.
I know because I have watched and observed and pondered for years. Older people who are often having failing health, aches and pains, are frequently very peaceful. very content. People facing cancer often seem to have a large amount of gratefulness.
And I've wondered what the difference is among people. What makes some find the wherewithal to cope while others crumble?
I believe in God. I love the footsteps in the sand poem that shows how when things get most difficult, Jesus not only walks beside, but literally carries us. It's beautiful. I've pictured it often. But the other day a new picture came to my mind.
It's true that the God of the universe cares about each of us and wants to help us with our burdens. But my life experience recently has shown me that His favorite way of doing that is with the hands of those other people in our lives. their arms. their smiles. their encouragement. their support. their listening hearts. their giving spirits. their understanding even when we are way off. And I realized that my picture is of God using His people to hold up His people. to carry them.
He said to carry one another's burdens. He said to meet each other's needs. He said to serve one another. And in this is what being carried by God looks like. He sent what we needed. Friends. People. Community. To uphold. To stand together as a mighty force.
I picture the bunches of people that have held me up. That have held up my friends. It's in my mind so clearly. And then, the picture goes on.......I am part of the group holding each of them up as well.
That's the difference of people that you see. Those who know that they are being carried. being loved on. being understood. and who ALLOW it. And then there are those who go it alone. or say that it's just them and God. But that's not how we were created. We were created to interact. to help. to give. to receive. When we do, we are whole. We are content. And though circumstances come and go, our peace does not. It remains. fully intact. strong. impenetrable.
Because He has overcome the world. He has overcome our circumstances. We just need to help each other to remember how loved we are.
Don't be afraid to be carried. Don't be afraid to help to carry others. It's the secret of God's love. In love, serve one another.
Look around. Do you see them? the carried ones? not the dependent ones. the ones who are lifted up. Do you see how strong they are? Don't be afraid of being weak if you need help. Be afraid that you will be weak if you fail to receive the help God has put here for us.
love to all of you who have walked with and carried my family and near family this last year. it has been quite a ride. but peace reigns supreme. in hearts if not in circumstances.
blessings,
rhonda
Lately I've been observing the world. Ok, I always am observing the world. But, I got to spend a lot of time down at Children's Hospital and watch people. I got to watch people on the interstate driving (read, parked on the interstate) to Aurora. I have lots of friends and acquaintances going through a variety of life experiences. There is so much to see and contemplate.
What I noticed is that some people are calm and peaceful and others are angry and raging. Some seem beaten down and others seem strong and able to keep on going. This did not surprise me. What surprised me was that it doesn't seem to be related to the difficulty which they are going through. A parent with a child with cancer can be found laughing and eating and enjoying life in the midst of great personal struggle. While another person is fuming about the slowness of the traffic, red in the face, shouting unkind words.
And I was wondering how it is that we are so fooled into thinking that circumstances are what bring us peace. or contentment. or joy. or courage. or strength. We mistakenly think if we have the right job or our kids do ok or others meet our needs THEN we will have inner peace. But, it's simply not true.
I know because I have watched and observed and pondered for years. Older people who are often having failing health, aches and pains, are frequently very peaceful. very content. People facing cancer often seem to have a large amount of gratefulness.
And I've wondered what the difference is among people. What makes some find the wherewithal to cope while others crumble?
I believe in God. I love the footsteps in the sand poem that shows how when things get most difficult, Jesus not only walks beside, but literally carries us. It's beautiful. I've pictured it often. But the other day a new picture came to my mind.
It's true that the God of the universe cares about each of us and wants to help us with our burdens. But my life experience recently has shown me that His favorite way of doing that is with the hands of those other people in our lives. their arms. their smiles. their encouragement. their support. their listening hearts. their giving spirits. their understanding even when we are way off. And I realized that my picture is of God using His people to hold up His people. to carry them.
He said to carry one another's burdens. He said to meet each other's needs. He said to serve one another. And in this is what being carried by God looks like. He sent what we needed. Friends. People. Community. To uphold. To stand together as a mighty force.
I picture the bunches of people that have held me up. That have held up my friends. It's in my mind so clearly. And then, the picture goes on.......I am part of the group holding each of them up as well.
That's the difference of people that you see. Those who know that they are being carried. being loved on. being understood. and who ALLOW it. And then there are those who go it alone. or say that it's just them and God. But that's not how we were created. We were created to interact. to help. to give. to receive. When we do, we are whole. We are content. And though circumstances come and go, our peace does not. It remains. fully intact. strong. impenetrable.
Because He has overcome the world. He has overcome our circumstances. We just need to help each other to remember how loved we are.
Don't be afraid to be carried. Don't be afraid to help to carry others. It's the secret of God's love. In love, serve one another.
Look around. Do you see them? the carried ones? not the dependent ones. the ones who are lifted up. Do you see how strong they are? Don't be afraid of being weak if you need help. Be afraid that you will be weak if you fail to receive the help God has put here for us.
love to all of you who have walked with and carried my family and near family this last year. it has been quite a ride. but peace reigns supreme. in hearts if not in circumstances.
blessings,
rhonda
Monday, January 25, 2010
Once Upon a Time
My kids are always saying, "tell about when I was little." But today one was asking if I'd told Kielan's story. I said, kinda. And did you send it to..........?
um, I'm not sure. Maybe. Let me check. But I couldn't check because it doesn't tell me who I tagged on my last note. So, it got me thinking. And here I am. Once again. At my computer.
I have not known Kielan for his whole life. I met him when he was four months old. But he was tiny. He was the size of my newborns. But he had this huge, interactive, wonderful smile. So it was very incongruous: big smile and interactive baby who was really tiny. It was really hard to figure out how old he was. But oh my, that smile. I will always remember it.
And I heard the story of how he was born at only about 3 pounds. He wasn't a preemie. Kielan had neonatal hepatitis and quit growing in the womb. His mama went in and had a c-section and spent several weeks at the hospital with him. All of that with a two year old at home as well. And they had just moved to a house that had to be completely remodeled. Kielan came home in the midst of living in a fifth wheeler.
All through his life, Kielan has amazed me. He was SO verbal. His vocabulary was huge at a very young age......and he loved to say "that's incredible". And he had a deep voice for his little size.
I remember how he would give away his stuff to other kids. And he always fought for the underdog. He had a bit of a temper too. He did not cave under pressure. He stood up. And, he often paid the consequence for it.
Kielan has never met a stranger. He would meet people at the park or the gas station or the store even as a young child and tell all about himself and his family and know all about them and theirs. He was incredibly verbal. Still is. :) He is the best guy at making friends. He sees people. What they need. How they think. Who they are. He is not superficial.
And there was that year I homeschooled him. Oh my, how he made me laugh. He would chew his toes while perched on a chair. When he decided to do schoolwork, he was awesome, and when he wouldn't want to, he couldn't be manipulated. He liked to draw and he could write a really good story. And could that boy catch a football. He seemed to really like our science experiments. I think that's because it was really interactive and he really liked describing what happened. He was loving and good at letting people know he cared.
But somehow, he didn't know how much he was cared for.
Kielan didn't have an easy life. For reasons that I can't really go into. But he is a fighter. He was amazing at karate. And when he was running, I thought he was going to be the kid to break records. And his ability to debate. He should seriously be a debate captain. He is smart. And frankly, if he doesn't know something, he can make up an answer faster than anyone.
But somewhere along the way, Kielan heard the wrong things. He got the message that who he was wasn't acceptable. Even to God. He got the message that some people are loved less because of their lifestyles or habits. And, being who Kielan has always been, he sided with the underdogs. But not only did he side with them, dress like them, befriend them, sadly, he became one of them because they accepted him where he was. With them there was no danger of being unacceptable. He could be a mess and it was ok. Funny how in the church that's not ok, but in a bar it is. Something wrong with that picture, doncha think?
And so began a journey of drug use and alcohol. Of hanging with people who dealt drugs and used drugs. But what you need to know is that honestly, Kielan has always been a good friend to people. A protector. A meeter of their needs. And his friends, well, many of them are in the same boat as he was. They somehow got locked out of the inside group that was succeeding and acceptable and the pride of society. And so, they made their own group, their own family. Healthy? No. Understandable? Definitely.
And Kielan began to question his faith. Question God. He began to make inflammatory statements to prove that the church was full of hypocrites who said that God loved everyone but really it was just a club for the goody two shoe sorts. And you know what? He's right in a lot of ways. Kielan has had a purpose in my life. He has made me grow. With Kielan I can't get away with false religion. Or with religion at all. Only relationship. With people. With God.
But, the drugs began to be more and more important and the people less and less. Out patient didn't help him. He simply learned to beat the system. He was on basic lock down at home.....watched 24/7 by an adult. And in only one day off of that, he went out with one of those friends he trusted most and got indescribably, horribly drunk. The kind of drunk that he would not have awakened from if he had been at a frat house or a friend's house. But Kielan was blessed. Kielan was taken to a hospital within minutes. He was helped to breathe. He had the alcohol pumped out of his system. He was put on on i.v. He was ok.
But he wasn't ok. Because the basic thing that put him in that hospital bed was still there. The feeling that the only place he was acceptable was with a crowd that was doing things that were going to eventually kill him......or his mind......or put him in jail. And there's not enough love or energy in the world to keep a kid safe when they are to that point. When they can't hear reason. When they can't see how incredibly valuable and precious their life is to so many.
And so Kielan is getting help. Kielan is at a Boy's Ranch. He will learn to work. He will do school work. He will have to be respectful. And, blessedly, he will be introduced to the God that he never really met. The God who accepts each of us right where we are, just how we are. Who looks at us through Jesus, not through blinders. Who sees exactly who we are, but is not put off. Who doesn't think that Kielan and his friends are any worse off than the kids on the honor roll or the kids in R.O.T.C. or the kids who lead worship band. He gets a chance to meet the God of miracles.
If you have looked at the pages and pictures from Master's Ranch, there's a sign that shows up. It says, "we believe in miracles." I sure do. Kielan could have died when he was born. Kielan could have died when he was 15.........but miraculously, he is still walking this earth.
I look around our city. So many hurting kids. So many hurting people. And I wonder what we are doing in our lives to help. Each of us. Are we sheltering the homeless? Are we speaking for the helpless? Are we fighting for the abused? Are we feeding the hungry? Or do we look for companies and rich people to do it for us?
The biggest thing that I noticed about the kids that Kielan was hanging out with was that they had learned how to disengage in order to not feel the pain. They used music, drugs, alcohol, style and avoidance. But it made me see how we do the exact same thing. We avoid the issues and spend our time talking about it. Praying about it. Having a committee meeting about it. We cover over the problems out of embarrassment of what the "good church" people might think.
What a crock. We're all just hurting, growing , learning people. All in different places in life, but all just a step away from homelessness, or addiction or death. None of us are "charmed". But we think we are. We live as if we have forever. And each day we get is just as much of a gift as Kielan's was. We don't know what car accident or robbery or fire or disease we have avoided by a hair's breadth. And so we assume that we are more blessed. More worthy.
We are all on the same ship. And we all have to work together to keep all of us ok. We have to see each other as we really are. Come alongside and help as we can. And simply be who we each were created to be. I won't ask you to write your heart out and please don't you ask me to do the accounting.
But I ask again. If there was only one last thing that you could do, what would it be??? Start there. It's probably the most important. And not to please others. But because it is your calling. Your purpose.
My purpose at this moment is to raise awareness of what kids in OUR world........not in foreign countries.......are going through. I have compassion for people all over the world, but right now, this is my focus. It is my drive. So I shall not waste the opportunity.
What drives you?? What gets you fired up? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Because eventually there will be a Once upon a time story about your life..........it's called an epitaph or maybe a eulogy. God wants to write a spectacular story of your life. Don't hinder Him. Go and LIVE. Do what it is that you do. I write. I help. I hope. I see. I speak. I give. That's me. Who are you?
blessings,
rhonda
um, I'm not sure. Maybe. Let me check. But I couldn't check because it doesn't tell me who I tagged on my last note. So, it got me thinking. And here I am. Once again. At my computer.
I have not known Kielan for his whole life. I met him when he was four months old. But he was tiny. He was the size of my newborns. But he had this huge, interactive, wonderful smile. So it was very incongruous: big smile and interactive baby who was really tiny. It was really hard to figure out how old he was. But oh my, that smile. I will always remember it.
And I heard the story of how he was born at only about 3 pounds. He wasn't a preemie. Kielan had neonatal hepatitis and quit growing in the womb. His mama went in and had a c-section and spent several weeks at the hospital with him. All of that with a two year old at home as well. And they had just moved to a house that had to be completely remodeled. Kielan came home in the midst of living in a fifth wheeler.
All through his life, Kielan has amazed me. He was SO verbal. His vocabulary was huge at a very young age......and he loved to say "that's incredible". And he had a deep voice for his little size.
I remember how he would give away his stuff to other kids. And he always fought for the underdog. He had a bit of a temper too. He did not cave under pressure. He stood up. And, he often paid the consequence for it.
Kielan has never met a stranger. He would meet people at the park or the gas station or the store even as a young child and tell all about himself and his family and know all about them and theirs. He was incredibly verbal. Still is. :) He is the best guy at making friends. He sees people. What they need. How they think. Who they are. He is not superficial.
And there was that year I homeschooled him. Oh my, how he made me laugh. He would chew his toes while perched on a chair. When he decided to do schoolwork, he was awesome, and when he wouldn't want to, he couldn't be manipulated. He liked to draw and he could write a really good story. And could that boy catch a football. He seemed to really like our science experiments. I think that's because it was really interactive and he really liked describing what happened. He was loving and good at letting people know he cared.
But somehow, he didn't know how much he was cared for.
Kielan didn't have an easy life. For reasons that I can't really go into. But he is a fighter. He was amazing at karate. And when he was running, I thought he was going to be the kid to break records. And his ability to debate. He should seriously be a debate captain. He is smart. And frankly, if he doesn't know something, he can make up an answer faster than anyone.
But somewhere along the way, Kielan heard the wrong things. He got the message that who he was wasn't acceptable. Even to God. He got the message that some people are loved less because of their lifestyles or habits. And, being who Kielan has always been, he sided with the underdogs. But not only did he side with them, dress like them, befriend them, sadly, he became one of them because they accepted him where he was. With them there was no danger of being unacceptable. He could be a mess and it was ok. Funny how in the church that's not ok, but in a bar it is. Something wrong with that picture, doncha think?
And so began a journey of drug use and alcohol. Of hanging with people who dealt drugs and used drugs. But what you need to know is that honestly, Kielan has always been a good friend to people. A protector. A meeter of their needs. And his friends, well, many of them are in the same boat as he was. They somehow got locked out of the inside group that was succeeding and acceptable and the pride of society. And so, they made their own group, their own family. Healthy? No. Understandable? Definitely.
And Kielan began to question his faith. Question God. He began to make inflammatory statements to prove that the church was full of hypocrites who said that God loved everyone but really it was just a club for the goody two shoe sorts. And you know what? He's right in a lot of ways. Kielan has had a purpose in my life. He has made me grow. With Kielan I can't get away with false religion. Or with religion at all. Only relationship. With people. With God.
But, the drugs began to be more and more important and the people less and less. Out patient didn't help him. He simply learned to beat the system. He was on basic lock down at home.....watched 24/7 by an adult. And in only one day off of that, he went out with one of those friends he trusted most and got indescribably, horribly drunk. The kind of drunk that he would not have awakened from if he had been at a frat house or a friend's house. But Kielan was blessed. Kielan was taken to a hospital within minutes. He was helped to breathe. He had the alcohol pumped out of his system. He was put on on i.v. He was ok.
But he wasn't ok. Because the basic thing that put him in that hospital bed was still there. The feeling that the only place he was acceptable was with a crowd that was doing things that were going to eventually kill him......or his mind......or put him in jail. And there's not enough love or energy in the world to keep a kid safe when they are to that point. When they can't hear reason. When they can't see how incredibly valuable and precious their life is to so many.
And so Kielan is getting help. Kielan is at a Boy's Ranch. He will learn to work. He will do school work. He will have to be respectful. And, blessedly, he will be introduced to the God that he never really met. The God who accepts each of us right where we are, just how we are. Who looks at us through Jesus, not through blinders. Who sees exactly who we are, but is not put off. Who doesn't think that Kielan and his friends are any worse off than the kids on the honor roll or the kids in R.O.T.C. or the kids who lead worship band. He gets a chance to meet the God of miracles.
If you have looked at the pages and pictures from Master's Ranch, there's a sign that shows up. It says, "we believe in miracles." I sure do. Kielan could have died when he was born. Kielan could have died when he was 15.........but miraculously, he is still walking this earth.
I look around our city. So many hurting kids. So many hurting people. And I wonder what we are doing in our lives to help. Each of us. Are we sheltering the homeless? Are we speaking for the helpless? Are we fighting for the abused? Are we feeding the hungry? Or do we look for companies and rich people to do it for us?
The biggest thing that I noticed about the kids that Kielan was hanging out with was that they had learned how to disengage in order to not feel the pain. They used music, drugs, alcohol, style and avoidance. But it made me see how we do the exact same thing. We avoid the issues and spend our time talking about it. Praying about it. Having a committee meeting about it. We cover over the problems out of embarrassment of what the "good church" people might think.
What a crock. We're all just hurting, growing , learning people. All in different places in life, but all just a step away from homelessness, or addiction or death. None of us are "charmed". But we think we are. We live as if we have forever. And each day we get is just as much of a gift as Kielan's was. We don't know what car accident or robbery or fire or disease we have avoided by a hair's breadth. And so we assume that we are more blessed. More worthy.
We are all on the same ship. And we all have to work together to keep all of us ok. We have to see each other as we really are. Come alongside and help as we can. And simply be who we each were created to be. I won't ask you to write your heart out and please don't you ask me to do the accounting.
But I ask again. If there was only one last thing that you could do, what would it be??? Start there. It's probably the most important. And not to please others. But because it is your calling. Your purpose.
My purpose at this moment is to raise awareness of what kids in OUR world........not in foreign countries.......are going through. I have compassion for people all over the world, but right now, this is my focus. It is my drive. So I shall not waste the opportunity.
What drives you?? What gets you fired up? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Because eventually there will be a Once upon a time story about your life..........it's called an epitaph or maybe a eulogy. God wants to write a spectacular story of your life. Don't hinder Him. Go and LIVE. Do what it is that you do. I write. I help. I hope. I see. I speak. I give. That's me. Who are you?
blessings,
rhonda
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