Blame

One of the most consistent and insidious things about human nature is the propensity to blame. I am not talking about responsibility taking or giving; I am talking about the unique way that human keep from accepting responsibility or feeling inadequate by shifting blame instead of taking responsibility. It's a sad condition that seems to worsen with the passing of years and generations. Or perhaps it is in aging that I see it more clearly.
Maybe it's because instead of viewing mistakes as stepping stones, we view them as reasons to punish, so in order to avoid punishment, people blame someone else to escape. I am not sure of all of the psychology. I do know that blame has permeated every eschelon of our society. Politics is particularly noteworthy. And Hollywood. And professional athletes. Those who are front and center and examples for those coming behind. They do not take responsibility for the most part, they blame shift.
Having so many kids at home allows me to observe the phenomenon first hand. Nobody is ever at fault. Well, they are, but will not admit it. Because if they do, they associate it with blame and punishment. So, as a kind of joke several years ago, we began choosing a person of the week to blame for things. No matter what happens, they are "blamed". And we laugh. It's just silly. But it works. It sets our minds off of blame because that has already been determined and back on responsibility. It allows some freedom to own a mistake or a choice without feeling belittled.
Blame is rampant. It is human nature. Even thinking to Biblical times, the sacrifice of the scape goat.....the one who was "blamed" for all of the sins of the nation. So, I know that it is our nature through all time to have a need to cast off our burdens. But before we cast them off, we have to take a responsibility for them. We have to learn to say "I did that, I chose that, I was wrong." Therein is the trouble. Nobody in our culture likes to be wrong. But if everyone is right, then there is no standard. Thinking about the current spiritualism and how "if it's right for me, then it's right," seals that opinion. But can everybody truly be "right"? Can the sun be yellow and purple. Can it be hot and cold. Does it matter what I think or does it matter what is? All of that is a little philosophical for me, but I am learning that there are some things that are wrong. Stealing. Lying. Murdering. And some lesser things that make a household run.......like unthoughtfulness, making messes for others to clean up, endangering people by being selfish, taking and not giving.
But the thing is this: we don't have to teach a lifestyle of BLAME, we need to teach a lifestyle of RESPONSIBILITY. It needs to be ok to take responsibility for an action and commit to changing. Without others feeling to need to blame. And when we are responsible for an action, we need to quit sidestepping and trying to blame someone else. It's not healthy for anyone. It becomes an intricate game. I did those drugs because you didn't give me what I needed. No, you did those drugs because you chose the easy way out. You chose not to face the difficulties of rebuilding a relationship. You chose escape. Now, would you like to make a different choice?
I wrecked the car because that car pulled in front of me. You were going 15 miles per hour over the speed limit. But he pulled in front of me. If you were going the speed limit, you would have been able to stop. Or even if you hadn't, then it would have been their responsibility and not yours. But because you were doing something illegal, you are responsible. But I don't deserve the ticket. You deserve whatever the law says you get for that action. Anything else is grace.
I wouldn't have killed that man if he would have just given me the money. You were stealing. You are responsible. No, he could have just given me the stupid money and I would have left. You started the scenario by your choice. But that's not what I meant to happen. But it did because of what you did. You are responsible.
Perhaps because of our desire to issue so much blame, we have pushed people away from taking responsibility. Whatever it is, it is imperative that we all learn to say, "I was wrong, how can I work toward making it right?" That will make a much better world. It will make a place that's safe to grow and learn. And, it will keep the focus from being on who to blame.
So, who can we blame for how we got here? :)
blessings,
rhonda